


Hesitate

by happy29



Category: due South
Genre: Attempted Sexual Assault, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-23
Updated: 2013-01-22
Packaged: 2017-11-14 22:15:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 59,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/520064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happy29/pseuds/happy29
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fraser recalls meeting Ray K for the first time and the events that lead up to their partnership changing from just buddies to something more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. coming clean

**Author's Note:**

> This is the beginning of Fraser and Ray's story, lets see where it takes them.

Hesitate 

Disclaimer:  due South does not belong to me, I only borrowed Fraser and Ray K for a bit, I will return them, eventually.

Thanks to my dearest Annika for your help and gentle push J

 

I saw Ray on my first day back from vacation and I hesitated as I stepped closer to what was supposed to be Ray Vecchio's desk, trying to figure out why this man, so full of energy and quick smiles was pretending to be my partner, my friend. That first day was a whirlwind of activity. Arriving back in Chicago, after a brief trip home for a _vacation_ , as Ray Vecchio called it, I found my apartment building burned to the ground. Standing in the ruins of that building, I felt loss once again. Making it to the 2-7 precinct, duffle bag in tow and Dief on my heels, I set out searching for my partner. Who I found in his place claiming to be Ray Vecchio, was a slender blond man with experimental hair and enough energy to power all of Chicago.

As the day progressed, I struggled to get to four as I attempted to put two and two together. Nothing was making any sense to me at this particular juncture. Ray seemed to know everything about me, yet I was baffled as to his true identity. He didn't hesitate to offer a quick smile and a spontaneous hug at our initial meeting, even though he claimed we had known each other for several years.  "Who _are_ you?" I asked him at one point. "Ray Vecchio" was his quick reply, of course, he was.

 He never hesitated when he stepped in front of me to take Greta Garbo's bullet meant for me. Whoever this man was, he had just saved my life. That evening, back at the precinct after conveying my concerns to Lieutenant Welsh and finally learning the truth about my mysterious partner, I was unsure how to proceed and pretend that everything was _normal._ How do I carry on as if nothing had changed, when my world had been suddenly turned upside down?  I had no home, my friend was now gone and in his place a man I was supposed to place all of my trust , as if I had known him for years.I asked Ray if he wanted to have dinner with me and he hesitantly said yes. That was the moment Ray Kowalski and I became a _duet._

Ray and I became fast friends, always at each others side and sharing each others company. I would often accompany him to his apartment, where we would share a pizza and watch whatever sporting event happened to be on the television. We were partners after all. But that partnership wasn't always easy on either of us. The events leading up to the two of us stowing away on the Henry Allen will forever remain with me. Standing on that lakeshore arguing with Ray over what appeared to me to be trivial problems, when as promised, he punched me. Shocked and hurt, I looked at my partner,my _friend_ and with a quick nod, I turned around and walked away. Away from a partnership that Ray and I knew deep down, we both needed like one needs water. We were incomplete without one another. Facing impending transfers, we agreed one last case. Then we could put an end to all our misunderstandings and walk away from one another, not nessecarily with our heads held high.

I still struggle with the emotions I feel rise to the surface when I remember finding Ray handcuffed, with his own cuffs no less, to that pipe, with the water rising quickly around him. We were going to have another talk about his lack of organization if we made it out of this I thought to myself... _if we made it out._ Finally freed from the pipe, we made our way to what I prayed was the surface of the ship. I told Ray deep breaths. His hesitation was written all over his face...but we commenced swimming underwater along the long corridor that would seal our fate, put the iron lock on our duet. I sensed Ray struggling behind me and when I turned in the cold water and saw him no longer following, I did the only thing I knew, buddy breathing...standard procedure for saving one's life. Little did I know at that moment of trying to save my friend's life, did my standard procedure buddy breathing turn into something more. I tried to assure Ray later that nothing had changed between us, but in the deepest part of my heart I knew that I loved this man. But love was not a good place for me based on past experience and for both our own good, I had to let Ray believe it was nothing.

Once on board a safe vessel, heading home, yes, _home_ …back to Chicago, we agreed that we really needed each other as partners, someone had to keep us alive...it might as well be each other. I accompanied Ray back to his apartment after we made it back to Chicago from our venture on the Henry Allen and we recounted all the tense moments aboard that ship.

Accepting a hot cup of tea from Ray, I started in "You know Ray, you really should organize your keys a bit...I mean do you really need the key to your old apartment?"

"Why do you always have to do that? You just can't let things be. You have to always have things where it makes sense to _you_. So what if I have my old apartment key?" Ray was getting agitated at me and we had only just returned.

"I’m sorry. I was merely trying to suggest that if you didn't have so many keys that weren't necessary, it would have been much quicker to find your handcuff keys. I wasn't trying to pick a fight with you."

Sighing, Ray slumped back into the couch. "It's the key to the apartment Stella and I had when we were married."

"Ah...so you hold onto it for sentimental reasons."

"Stupid I know, because the locks are changed and she doesn't even live there anymore.”

“I’m sorry, Ray, I didn’t mean to pry.”

“No… It’s okay. I mean we’ve been done for a long time now. I should throw it away. I suppose it has just always been a reminder of when things were good in my life. When things made sense and I had a reason for making sure I made it home every night. “

“You still love her…” It wasn’t a question but more a need for some clarification.

“Yes… no, of course I will always love Stella, she was my first love. But I’m not _in_ love with her anymore. No, that part of our relationship has sailed off into the distance.”

“I see.” I needed to change the subject quickly. “ I should probably head back to the consulate. Diefenbaker will no doubt be worried and I should relieve Constable Turnbull of his duties.” I get up from my place on the couch and feel Ray’s eyes follow me towards the door. I hear him call from behind me

.“Hey, you want me to give you a lift? It’s been a long couple of days. I’m sure you’re tired and you don’t really want to walk back there alone without the fur face do you?”

“I assure you, Ray, I will be fine. A walk will do me good.”  I turn to offer Ray a reassuring smile and find him already standing behind me. “Will you be okay? You have no doubt had a trying few days as well.”

“Me… yeah I’m fine. I, uh… I just wanted to say thanks for, for… you know, that whole buddy breathing thing. You were really great out there, Fraser.”

“ _We_ were great, Ray.  Partners, remember. I will see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, tomorrow. Good night, Fraser. I will pick you up in the morning.”

“Thank you, Ray, I would appreciate a ride.”

I could sense that Ray wanted to say more or perhaps he needed me to say more, but I wasn’t prepared to let him have hold of my heart just yet. So, I excused myself and headed out the door of Ray’s apartment, back to my lonely office I now called home. _Home,_ did I even know where home was anymore?

* * *

 

Over the course of the next few weeks, Ray’s and my partnership could not have been stronger. We were in sync, reading each other’s minds and relying on body language only we knew how to interpret to keep each other safe. After another successful arrest, all paper work filed and suspects booked into custody. Ray and I once again headed to his place for a bite to eat. Adrenalin was running rampant in Ray’s body and could be seen in his body language.

“Hey, Fraser, let’s stop and get the fixin’s for our own pizza. Shake it up a bit so to speak… don’t want this partnership to get stale again, now do we?” he cocked his head and winked at me, winked like on that first day we met.

“That sounds like a wonderful idea, Ray.”

“Yeah, we could do half whale blubber or whatever the hell it is that you like and the other half pineapple. Making it ourselves has to be, what’s that word you like so well…. _healthy_?”

“Of course Ray, it is much healthier to prepare one’s own food at home with fresh ingredients. I believe there is a store a few blocks from your apartment.”

“All right, Benton- buddy, pitter patter, let’s get at ‘er.”

We found all the ingredients required for our homemade pizza and Ray even insisted on making our own pizza crust. Once back to his apartment, we made our way upstairs, Dief hot on our heels in anticipation of some good food coming his way. I watched as Ray unlocked the door to his apartment and was shocked to see his key ring had contained significantly fewer keys than the last time I had seen them up close.

“Ray, what did you do with all your extra keys?” I asked cautiously, unsure of his reaction to my observation and unwilling to start down the road of the _niggling_ as Ray called it.

“I… uh, I got rid of some of them last week. I was thinking about what you said about not being able to find what you needed when you needed it and after almost drowning because of it…well, it took a while, but I see your point. Besides, why do I seriously need an old key to my gym locker at a gym that doesn’t exist anymore?”

“Yes, there would be no logical reason for keeping such a key.” 

Ray worked the key into the lock and turned the handle nudging the door open with his knee. Diefenbaker beat us both into the apartment and he headed straight for the couch.

“And the key to your old apartment?” I studied Ray’s face, waiting for the answer my heart was ready to hear, but scared that it wouldn’t.

Ray held my gaze and replied calmly, “I took it off as well. But I didn’t throw that one away.”

My heart sank in an instant until I heard the remainder of his reply.

“I… uh- I, uh mailed it to Stella.”

My confusion must have been easily read on my features because Ray continued without missing a beat.

“Yeah, I told her thanks for the lifetime of good memories, but the door to that part of my life is now closed and locked and I’m moving on.”

“I’m impressed Ray, that must have been difficult.”

“It was, but if I keep holding on to her, how will I ever be able to let someone else in?”

Ray once again held my gaze and as we slowly made our way into his apartment, his slender fingers brushed along my arm and sent shivers to all of my extremities. When did being so close to him have such an effect on me?

“Ok, Fraser, where do we start?”

“The dough would be our starting point Ray. Then, we can prepare the remainder of the ingredients.” We worked in a comforting silence as we prepared our dinner. Ray really surprised me with the ease with which  he moved around a kitchen. “Have you cooked much on your own, Ray?”

“What? Um… yeah I used to do all the cooking when Stella and I were married. She was always working late at the office, so I decided if I didn’t want to starve, I would have to learn a few basic recipes. I’m no expert though.”

“You certainly know your way around a kitchen, Ray.”  
  


As we were enjoying our pizza and a game of hockey on the television, I caught Ray attempting to sneak Diefenbaker some of his pizza. “Ray, must you really feed him your pizza?”

“What? You said it was healthier for me so why wouldn’t it be healthier for the wolf as well?”

Dief looked up at me as if to say “Ha, he pulled one over on _you_!”

I relented and allowed Ray to feed Dief this one time. He did have a point after all.

 

As we were sitting on the couch, Ray in his usual slouch, beer bottle in hand, I noticed he wasn’t really paying too much attention to the game but had his gaze fixed upon me.

“Fraser…Ben, can I ask you a question?”

The use of my first name took me by surprise. “Of, course, Ray, you can ask me anything.” He had my undivided attention, hockey game all but forgotten.

“On the boat… ship, the Henry whatever…if you couldn’t have gotten the cuffs off, if I didn’t have my boot gun on me…”

I never gave Ray a chance to finish his thought. “I would have stayed there with you, Ray.” Once again, he held my gaze with those blue eyes of his.

“And the standard procedure buddy breathing, if that didn’t work…”

“I would have kept trying until I ran out of air myself.” 

“That’s what I hoped you would say.”

“Ray, are you all right?” There was a strange shift of energy in the room and I wasn’t entirely sure where Ray was heading with his sudden questions.

“Yeah, I’m fine” He let out a small chuckle and the most sincere expression now graced his face. “No one has ever put themselves out there for me like that before. Not any old partners, friends, not even Stella. But you… _you_ would have made the ultimate sacrifice for me. _Why_?” 

_Oh dear… is this where I come clean to Ray_. I wasn’t even entirely sure myself what all this meant.  This line of questioning was suddenly making me feel claustrophobic. I stood up from the couch and raked my knuckle across my brow, a habit Ray has quickly learned and knows I am suddenly uncomfortable. 

“I’m sorry, Ben, I have to know…”  He stood up and moved closer to me and wrapped his long, slender fingers around my forearms and gave them a gentle squeeze. 

My breathing had suddenly become accelerated and Ray could sense my hesitation.

“Maybe I should be asking if _you’re_ ok there Benton- buddy.”

This gave me a chance to catch my breath and I stared into Ray’s blue eyes that have suddenly turned a darker shade of blue- green.

“Ray, you are my partner…”

I suddenly couldn’t find the words I wanted, the words _I needed_ to tell Ray, so I let my actions speak for me, when my words were failing miserably. I quickly closed the foot and a half space between us and snaked my hand around the back of Ray’s all too warm neck and pulled his face to mine. Our mouths and lips and tongues all met in the middle, there was no hesitation in any of our movements and we quickly fought each other for dominance and control. I relinquished control all too quickly and melted into Ray’s warm embrace. Breaking apart for short gasps of air, I finally found my words.

“I wasn’t going to let you die alone Ray, if that’s what it would have come down to. I wouldn’t be able to go on without you by my side. I finally realize that you complete me.”

Ray started walking me backwards towards his bedroom, never releasing my lips from his greedy kisses. His hands were dancing all over my upper body and mine were just as busy quickly learning his features. Somewhere between the couch and his bedroom door, Ray’s slender fingers found their way inside my button down flannel and my own hands had expelled him of his faded t- shirt. My elbow bumped into the door frame and I abruptly stopped and  paused my hands’ exploration of Ray’s lean body.

“Ray…”

“No… no talking, Ben.”

“No, listen to me…”

Ray stopped and looked into my eyes, “Please, tell me we’re not stopping.”

“Ray… we cross this line and there’s no going back to _just buddies._ ”

“I’m done being _just buddies_ with you, Fraser.”

That was all I needed to hear from Ray. He backed me into his bedroom and with a swift kick, shut the door.  

No… _this_ was the moment Ray Kowalski and I became a duet.

 

A/N: Please read and review, more to come… thank you kindly!


	2. Something New

Disclaimer: Once again, I own nothing, except maybe the computer this was written on J I’m only borrowing the boys for a bit of fun. Sorry about the delayed update, my computer ate the first draft and I had to start over. So, hopefully, you all enjoy and continue to follow the adventure. Thanks to vic32 and Tatau for the support and encouragement. All mistakes are my own…

 

I awoke the following morning and couldn’t figure out why my arm was asleep. Opening my eyes, I discovered Ray’s head lying in the crook of my elbow. So, it wasn’t a dream after all…I smiled contently and touched the tips of Ray’s spiked hair. Even asleep, his hair was rebellious. I found myself staring at Ray’s eyes and mouth and wanted so badly to pick up where we had left off the night before, before we had both collapsed from exhaustion. I knuckle swiped my brow and saw Ray’s eyes twitch before they opened slowly.

 “I heard that… you’d better not be regretting last night because I was kind of hoping we could do that again today.” A slow, easy smile graced his features.

“No… no regrets, Ray.” I kissed him slowly and he happily returned the favor. “But, could you kindly remove your head from my arm so I can get some feeling back into my fingers, please.”  Ray laughed and quickly moved his head and snuggled closer into my side and slipped an arm around my waist. His leg found its way between mine and he wrapped his foot around my ankle.

“What now, Benton- buddy?”

That was a good question, one that I had no answer to at the moment.

“I suppose the smart thing to do would be to get up, shower and get some breakfast, huh…”

“Yes, Ray, that would be the smart thing to do.”

He kissed me again and rubbed one of those long slender fingers across my lower lip. “This wasn’t a dream, was it, Ben?”

“No, Ray, it wasn’t a dream.”

“Good…just checking. You can grab a shower first and I will see what I have that’s edible in the fridge.”

“Thank you, Ray. I won’t be long. Dief will no doubt be more than ready to go out.” 

 

Ray and I both showered and ate a simple breakfast before we headed to the consulate, where I could get a fresh change of clothing. I had duties to attend to at the consulate and I promised Ray I would meet him later at the station so we could grab a bite to eat together. We both had the afternoon off, a rarity as of late and I was hoping we could spend it together. As I was getting ready to get out of his car, I let Diefenbaker out first and he bounded up the steps of the consulate ignoring my calls to wait for me. I took one look at Ray and was hesitant about whether I should kiss him or if he even wanted me to… our relationship was too new and there were undoubtedly going to be a few rules Ray would want to adhere by, surely.

“Ray… ”

He looked at me and started to chuckle. He seemed to be able read my mind and he took my hand in his and pulled it to his lips and pressed a kiss into my palm. He then placed his hand around the back of my neck and twisted his fingers into my hair and pulled me in for a quick kiss.  I kissed him back and caught his lower lip between my own lips before releasing it.

“This wasn’t a mistake, Fraser.”

“I was hoping we were under the same agreement.” I kissed him again, quickly. “Have a good day, Ray. I will see you later this afternoon?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you later. You have a good day too. Stay clear of the Ice Queen.” Ray laughed, mostly to himself as I exited the car and made my way into the consulate but not before waving good- bye.

* * *

 

My hours spent at the consulate that day went by all too slowly. I caught myself continually thinking of Ray and all that had transpired between us the night before. God...did we really cross the line of friendship into something more? I remember the smoothness of Ray's long fingers and just their lightest touch sending shivers up my spine. I was finding it difficult to concentrate on my tasks at hand...when did my career take a turn from catching criminals to planning dinner parties for Inspector Thatcher? I was more of a police officer for the chicago police department than for my own country. I enjoyed spending my afternoons liasing with Ray, and I suppose _some_ police work was better than none. One of these days, I would have to speak with Inspector Thatcher about doing some real police work for Canada and not just planning her next dinner function. Although, that conversation would most likely end with me being transferred back to Canada and stationed at a northern outpost, far too many miles away from Ray. I was not willing to make that sacrifice quite yet. Yes, that would be a conversation for a much later date.

"Constable Fraser..." Inspector Thather's calling of my name snapped me back into the present moment. "Do you have the dinner guest list compiled and the seating arrangements made for the International Delegates Conference?" Inspector Thatcher got that whole sentence out in one quick breath.

I look up from the layout I had been working on all morning. "Ahh...yes, Sir. I am working on it right now."

"Good, good...I have a few alterations that need to be made. Here's the list, revised of course. Please have the new layout on my desk first thing in the morning. Dismissed." I had been working on the layout all morning and was supposed to meet Ray soon. I let out a sigh I didn't realize I was holding. "Is there a problem, Constable?"

"No, Sir. It will be on your desk first thing in the morning."

"Very good, Constable."

Inspector Thatcher left as quickly as she arrived. She would be leaving for the day soon and Turnbull had already, left feeling ill. I would be alone for the remainder of the day, trying to organize her list and seat everyone, according to her specifications. I picked up the telephone and paused before dialing Ray's cell phone number from memory. He wasn’t going to like this conversation and I almost dreaded calling him.

He picked up on the second ring and answered with a hasty "Yeah, this is Vecchio."

"Ray, its Fraser..."

"Hey, Benton- buddy, I was just thinking about you." Ray's voice dropped to just above a whisper when he realized it was me.

 "Really, Ray and what were you thinking?" He took the baited line.

"Well, I was thinking we were both off in about an hour give or take a few minutes and then I was thinking that maybe we could grab a bite to eat and then maybe we could, oh, I don't know...maybe pick up where we left off last night..." Ray's voice held a teasing tone.

"That sounds terribly intriguing, Ray, but I'm afraid I'm going to be delayed for several hours."

"You're not rethinking this thing between us are you? Because this is like the start of something good, you and me." I could hear a nervous tremor creep into Ray's usually solid voice.

 "No, absolutley not, Ray. I fully intend to pick up where we left off, but Inspector Thatcher..." I didn't get to finish my sentence before Ray interupted me. "Why does the Ice Queen always have to be a pain in my ass?" Ray's voice had returned to its normal timbre and now housed a bit of anger.

 "Ray, really, it’s quite alright. I will just meet you later, when I am done."

"What does she have you doing anyway, Fraser?”  

"Well, if you must know..."

"Yes, anything that interferes with you not coming over tonight, I must know."

"I told you I would be over, it will just be a few hours later than previously planned."

"What does she have you doing, Fraser? Picking up her dry cleaning, _again?"_

"No, not exactly...I'm putting together seating arrangements for the upcoming International Delegate's Conference."

"Please tell me you're not serious. I have to give up making out with you because you have to figure out where people sit while they're eating dinner. Are you _kidding me?"_

"You want to make out with me? As in..."

"God, Fraser, you can be so dense...make out as in... you, me and the couch. Lips on lips, hands under shirts, me memorizing all your little scars and wrinlkles and you're avoiding the question, Ben."

"I don't have wrinkles, Ray."

"Yeah, you do...little ones, around the corners of your eyes. They're kind of cute...I like them. Did you know that your eyes get darker when you're all hot and bothered?"

"No, Ray, I was not aware of that fact. Give me two hours to redo this layout..."

"Redo? You mean it was _already_ done and you have to do it _again_ , because _why?_ It wasn't up to her highness' standards or something?"

"Ray, please...whether you agree with it or not, these are part of my duties. I have no choice in the matter. The longer I argue with you, the longer it will take me to get to your apartment to _make out,_ as you call it."

"Fine...I'm sorry. But I will see you later?" Ray sounded defeated.

"Of course, Ray."

We said our good-bye's and I hung up the telephone, determined to get the revised seating arrangements completed as quickly as possible.

 

Two and a half frustrating hours later, I laid the revised layout on Inspector Thatcher's desk praying that it was as Ray called it, up to her standards. Ray did have a valid point in all of this. The work I was performing was really up Constable Turnbull's alley. He was a natural, well, almost a natural, when it came to cooking and entertaining  guests. However, the task fell to me and as part of my duties, I completed it.

I looked down at Diefenbaker, who was napping at my feet and told him it was time to go see Ray. For a deaf wolf, he seemed to understand my every word. He yipped loudly in agreement.

"Yes, let's not waste anymore of our evening here. Ray will be waiting for us to arrive. Mind you, probably not too patiently either." Dief yipped again and was out the door of my office and halfway down the hallway. I quickly changed into more comfortable clothing. Unsure where things where going to lead once at Ray's apartment, I packed a few things for in the morning. One must never be unprepared, I told myself.

I locked the Consulate doors behind me and made my way down the street towards Ray's apartment. The closer I got, the more nervous I became. What if Ray had a change of heart and wasn’t ready to be more than just buddies? I slowed my pace the closer I got and when I reached Ray's door, I hesitated before knocking. Diefenbaker barked loudly, announcing our arrival.

t very subtle." Dief barked again and the doorshirt that was just snug enough to show off his lean muscles.

"Hey there, Fraser. Took you long enough."

Dief bounded into the apartment in search of the kitchen and leftovers. I crossed the threshold of the door and was quickly pushed up against the wall. Ray’s hands were cupping my face and he drew me in for a fierce kiss that lasted several moments. He softened his kiss and began to caress my cheeks.

“I missed you today.”

“And, I you, Ray.” One hand remained on my cheek and he slowly worked it around to hold the back of my neck and the other began its own exploration of my chest. Ray drew my head towards his for another kiss when I heard Diefenbaker return from his trip to the kitchen. He barked sharply at us to get our attention. “Ray, I believe Dief wants some leftover pizza.”

“Who said there was any left over? Hey, Fur- face, pipe down. Can’t you see I’m a little busy here?” Ray began kissing me again and Dief barked loudly, this time making his way between our legs and successfully dislodging Ray’s lips from my own.

“I think you need to find something to feed him, Ray. He won’t quit until he’s satisfied, you know.”

“I was only teasing about the leftovers, Fur-face. No need to get pissy.” Ray let go of me and followed Dief into the kitchen to get him the leftover pizza. To my own surprise, I didn’t try to stop him. I placed my bag on the floor by the couch.

Ray returned to where I was now standing in the living room. “I see you brought a bag. I hope that means you plan on staying a while.” He took hold of my trembling hands, laced our fingers together and pressed his soft lips to mine once again. Instantly, my hands became calm, woven together with Ray’s. “God, Fraser…I’ve waited all day for this.” There was once again, no wavering between either of us. We both knew what we wanted, what we needed and that was each other.

Ray began to walk me backwards towards the couch until my knees hit the cushions and I fell into its soft embrace. He straddled my thighs and settled himself carefully onto my lap, his weight pressing me further into the warmth of the couch. I took my hands and laced my fingers behind Ray’s neck and pulled his lips to mine, suddenly needing him closer. His tongue begged for entrance into my mouth and I tasted his velvety chocolate coffee he must have drank earlier. His hands were in my hair, around my neck, up my shirt and everywhere in between. They were dancing to their own melody across my body while my hands were busy with the harmony, creating their own dance. We couldn’t get close enough to each other. Suddenly, Ray flipped us around and he was now lying on top of me, spread out down the length of the couch. His legs were tangled in mine and he was working his right foot around my left ankle. My heart was racing and I could feel his heart beating just as quickly. I worked my hands up the length of his back, under his just snug enough t-shirt and kneaded his tight muscles with my fingers. I pulled him closer to me, if that was even possible and I could feel his hands working their way down my sides towards the waist band of my jeans. I could feel his erection becoming full against my own and I shifted my hips and was rewarded with a moan.

“God, Frase, do you know what you do to me?” Ray ground his hips into mine and I was pleasured in return. Breathing heavy, I looked into his blue- green eyes. “Ray, do you want this?”

“Absolutely, I want all of you, Ben.”

 “I’m all yours, Ray.”

I felt Ray’s hand at my waist once again and in one quick motion he had the button to my jeans undone and his fingers on the zipper ready to release my throbbing erection. His hands on me felt incredible. I let out a shaky breath. “Ray…please don’t stop”

His slender fingers worked my zipper down while I held him close for another deep kiss. I couldn’t get enough of him, couldn’t get close enough and now with his hand inside my jeans, I was slowly losing control. A sudden shrill startled me and I gasped as Ray chose that moment to take my erection into his hand and started squeezing and caressing it to a rhythm only he could hear. The shrill noise announced itself again and I realized then, that it was Ray’s cell phone.

“Go away…I’m busy.” He said to the air in the direction of the phone on his coffee table. The caller on the other end appeared to have heard him and the ringing suddenly stopped. “Good, now… where were we?” I reached up and pulled him closer for another kiss as he continued his casual caressing of my cock that was beginning to ache with a need for release. I worked my hands to Rays slender waist and hooked a finger into the waist band of his jeans and with a quick pop, had the first button on his button fly jeans undone. The other three buttons were quickly released as well and Ray’s cock was now begging for some attention of its own. I worked my hand into his briefs and Ray moaned into my mouth.

“God, that feels great, don’t stop, Ben.” I stroked my thumb up and down the quickly filling shaft and Ray was moaning again into my neck where his lips had now found a new spot to mark. There was surely going to be an indicator in the morning of someone’s lips on my neck, especially at the rate that Ray was now devouring my neck. Ray had sped up his stroking of my cock and I was very close to losing it and from the quickness of his breathing, I could tell he was close as well. We were rubbing against each other and had our hands on each other and one strong stroke of his fingers around me, I climaxed and shot my seed over his hand. Two strokes later and Ray joined me. He lay on top of me, his breathing heavy and ragged. My own heart rate was through the roof.

“Ray, that was amazing, you were amazing.”

“God, Fraser, I want to do this everyday with you, multiple times a day, even.”  

“I think we can work out some sort of arrangement for that, Ray.” I kissed him hard again and then ran my tongue across his now reddened lips.

“Oh yeah, Ben, every… single… day.”

The shrill of his phone startled me once again, except this time it was Ray’s house phone. Ray sighed heavily. “I knew I should have picked up that penny today…then maybe my phone wouldn’t be ringing after I just made out with my Mountie and I could just lay here in his arms. The universe hates me.”

“I hardly believe that by you not picking up a penny, has now caused your telephone to ring.”

“Don’t you know the saying? ‘See a penny, pick it up. All day long, you’ll have good luck.’ See, I should have picked it up, then by luck, the phone wouldn’t be ringing and we could rest up a bit and go for round two, maybe say in the bedroom.”

“I’m Canadian, Ray. I don’t believe I’ve heard that expression before. As much as I would love to continue with round two, are you _going_ to answer the phone or not?”

“Right, I suppose I should…or let them leave a message and get us cleaned up instead.”

“I’m in agreement with that idea.”

Ray let the phone continue to ring as we made our way to his bathroom to clean our semen off of each other. His machine finally picked up and I heard his mother’s cheerful voice enter the apartment.

“Stanley, honey it’s, Mom. I tried your cellular number but couldn’t get an answer…”

“That’s because I was a little busy making out with Ben, Mom.” Ray directed his voice towards his absent mother as he locked eyes with me and started laughing. “My parents are going to freak out when I tell them about us.” Before I could respond, I heard his mother continue on with her message.

“So, I called your house phone and well, you must be busy tonight, dear.”

“You have no idea, Mom.” Ray pulled me in for another kiss. I will never tire of kissing this man. He released my lips as the message continued.

“I just wanted to tell you that your old friend Jimmy may be dropping by to visit you. He called the house today asking if we could give him your address and phone number. I didn’t think you would mind, but thought I should at least tell you. I love you, Stanley. Give me a call soon.” Ray’s mother ended the call and I heard a very brittle “Oh, shit…” come out of Ray’s mouth.

“What is it, Ray? Who is Jimmy?”

“Jimmy is an old friend that lived down the street growing up. We were inseperatable throughout school, but then Jimmy got into some pretty nasty shit, drugs mostly and we drifted apart. I haven’t seen him for years. I heard that he got himself straightened out and cleaned up.

“You believe that he will be stopping by to visit?”

“Oh, yeah… if he got ahold of my mom, he will be here sooner or later. Come on, let’s get cleaned up. I’m not really in the mood for round two right now, you?”

“Um… not so much anymore, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, there’s always tomorrow.” He kissed me again and we got ourselves cleaned up from our romp on the couch. We had just made our way to the kitchen for a bite of leftover pizza, which Diefenbaker appeared to be guarding. I settled on an apple and Ray chose coffee and we let Dief enjoy the last of our homemade pizza.

There was a knock at the door and Ray looked from me to the door and back again. “I suppose that’s Jimmy. Mom wasn’t kidding about him visiting me, although I didn’t think it would be this soon.” The knocking continued. “Ray, are you going to answer the door?”

“Right, sorry. I suppose I can’t leave him out there, can I?”

“That would be a bit rude, Ray.”

Ray went to the door and opened it. Standing on the other side was his old friend Jimmy, he looked like he had trouble written all over his face. Behind us, Diefenbaker growled and I shushed him quickly.

“Dief, don’t be rude. Fraser, this is my old pal, Jimmy.” I shook Jimmy’s hand and he held mine for longer than necessary for a first meeting. “Jimmy, this is my partner, Benton Fraser.”

“Pleasure meeting you, Jimmy.” Jimmy’s eyes traveled the length of my body and settled on my eyes.

“The pleasure is _all mine_.” Jimmy replied, finally releasing my hand.

_Oh, dear…_


	3. Old Friends

"So, Ray...aren't you going to invite me in?" Ray took a step back and allowed Jimmy entrance into his apartment. Jimmy's gaze up and down my torso did not go unnoticed by Ray or myself and I suddenly felt very subconsious of myself. I felt as if I needed another layer of clothing, protective clothing.

"So, I called your mom and she told me where I could find you. I hope you don't mind me dropping in on you. It’s been a while, thought we could catch up some while I was the neighborhood.  This is your partner, huh?"

"Sort of unofficial partner." Ray explained. “He first came to Chicago on the trail of the killers of his father and for reasons that we won’t be exploring at this time, he has remained and now, we’re kind of partners.”

"Okay, so you're a cop as well?" Jimmy directed his question towards me.

"I'm a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Poloce, so I am a police officer but for Canada. I work for the Canadian Consulate here in Chicago and I serve as a liasan officer with the Chicago Police Department."

"That's what I said, Fraser."

"Well, not exactly. Ray." I reminded him.

"Anyway... I don't want to wake up Stella, is she sleeping?"

Ray shifted uneasily from one foot to the other before answering Jimmy. "Uhh...Stell and I aren't together anymore, haven't been for a few years now."

Jimmy claps Ray on the shoulder and gives it a brief squeeze. "I'm sorry, your mom didn't mention that you were seperated."

"Divorced." Ray clarified, "There won't be any reconciling." Ray let out a chuckle. "Come on in and have a seat and let’s get a drink."

“That’s a cool dog, what kind is he? Jimmy inquired of Diefenbaker and Dief let out a low growl at being called a dog.

“Diefenbaker is part wolf, and deaf. Although, some days I’m not so sure if he doesn’t just pretend that he’s deaf so he doesn’t have to listen to me.” I explained to Jimmy who was considering petting Dief but drew his hand back at another snarl from him. “He’s usually quite friendly. Dief, don’t be rude.” I semi- scolded him. Dief wandered into the kitchen and away from Jimmy’s hands. I wished I could have joined him in the retreat.

Jimmy moved further into the apartment but didn’t take his gaze off of my body for too long. Ray was busy in the kitchen getting himself and Jimmy a beer. I caught a glimpse of my bag at the end of the couch and wondered to myself how long Jimmy would be staying. Maybe I should head back to the consulate, but something told me that I shouldn’t leave him and Ray alone. I decided to break the silence. “So, Jimmy, how long have you and Ray known each other?”

“Ray and I go way back… all the way to high school.” Jimmy told me. “Back when he and Stella were all over each other.” Jimmy winked at Ray and accepted the offered beer from him.

“Well, that ship has sailed so let’s not go there, please.” Ray explained.

“Sorry man, didn’t realize it was a sore subject. Thanks for the beer by the way.”

“It’s not a sore subject, it’s just one I chose not to talk about right now, and you’re welcome.” Ray told Jimmy, trying not to lose his patience with him. “So, what are you doing back in town?”

Not knowing Ray and Jimmy’s history, I was curious of this myself. His reply shocked me and it made me want to get to a computer to check this man’s background.

“I just got out of jail and needed to make a fresh start, so I thought I would come back to Chicago and see if some old friends were still around to help keep me straight.” Jimmy’s tone held a hint of remorse but nothing more. “I was hoping I could maybe stay with you for a few weeks until I can land myself a job and get some money saved up for my own place. You’re a cop, how much straighter can cops keep you, huh?”

I sat silently in my chair waiting for Ray’s reaction, which was everything I thought it would be.

“Jimmy, I’m not so sure that’s the best idea. If you just got out of jail, aren’t you required to check in with a probation officer or something? Besides, I’m always working, I’m never here…” Ray fumbled through his words trying to convince Jimmy it was not a good idea for him to stay at his apartment. “Besides, I’m kind of seeing someone and that would be, well, awkward if you were here.”

“I can give you space when you need it, just let me know. Come on Ray, I could really use a place to stay for a few weeks.” Jimmy practically begged Ray.

Ray looked at me with eyes pleading for help, but I wasn’t exactly sure if he wanted Jimmy to know the exact nature of our relationship. I fully understood Ray’s reluctance to have him stay, I did have a bag sitting at the end of the couch for a reason after all.

“Jimmy, don’t you have family that you could perhaps stay with for a few weeks?” I asked hoping to find another solution.

“No, my family pretty much has moved away from Chicago. Ray and I were always tight, well, we used to be and I thought he could help me out.” Jimmy explained to me. “Come on Ray, it won’t be like last time.”

“Last time?” I asked Ray. He rubbed his hand over his face and groaned. I could tell he was about to break and that unnerved me.

“God, Jimmy… it better not be like last time.” Ray looked at me and frowned. “Two weeks and then you move on, and keep your hands off things that don’t belong to you or you’re going to lose some fingers.”

Ray got up from the couch and moved back into the kitchen for another beer and brought one back for Jimmy.

“You don’t drink, Benton?” Jimmy asked me. “Or is it _Ben_?” Jimmy winked at me and I prayed Ray didn’t notice. He was already fuming for unknown reasons.

“Benton is fine and as a rule, no I don’t normally drink. Ray, I believe it’s about time I headed back to the consulate for the evening.”

“But…” Ray began to interject but I stopped him. Our evening had gotten off to a rough start and was ending on a low note as well.

“We can talk tomorrow and sort out a few things.” I locked eyes with him hoping that he would understand that we had a lot of things to talk about, and not just Jimmy.

“Sure, I will pick you up in the morning at 7.”

“Actually, I have duties at the consulate in the morning, but I will be free by early afternoon. I can meet you at the station, if that is all right.” I hoped I wasn’t giving Ray any wrong ideas by not meeting him earlier in the day.

“Okay, just don’t let the Ice Queen pull another one of her stunts like she did today. I’d like to actually lias with you for a few hours tomorrow.” Ray gave my shoulder a tender squeeze as he walked me to the door. “Sorry about tonight, I’ll figure something out with Jimmy.” He whispered quietly once we were out of ear shot of Jimmy.

“Maybe tomorrow we can see to round two, heh?” I winked at him and then settled my hand on his that which was still resting on my shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “We’ll figure it out, don’t worry.” I assured him again. “Diefenbaker, come. Jimmy it was nice to meet you. I will see you tomorrow Ray, good night.”

“Night Ben, see you tomorrow. Night, fur-face.” Dief rubbed his nose against Ray’s knee and he knelt down to ruffle his coat. “Take care of him for me, you hear?” With a chuckle Ray stood up again and locked eyes with me. “Night,” Ray whispered.

“Catch you later, Benton.” Jimmy waved to me from the far end of the couch, his beer bottle close to his lips. I didn’t like the way he said my name and I suddenly wished I had asked him to call me ‘Fraser’ like everyone else was accustomed to calling me. I glanced back at Ray.

“Are you going to be ok? I could…” Ray didn’t let me finish my sentence.

“No, it’s okay. I’m, uh… I’m not  quite sure if I should tell him about us.”

“Oh, alright… you will be careful, though.” I asked Ray concerned.

“Absolutely… see you tomorrow.” Ray tried to reassure me.

With a final nod to Jimmy and another glance at Ray, Diefenbaker and I started our journey back to the Consulate. I wondered what they would talk about, how late they would stay up sharing stories and catching up and if Ray would tell him about us or leave it for another time. What really bothered me the most was what Ray had meant when he had told Jimmy that ‘it had better not be like last time’. That sentence kept running through my head the remainder of the way home. _Home,_ I really needed to find a different place to live. I added that to my list of tasks to complete in the morning. If Jimmy were going to be staying with Ray, then Ray could come to my place, and that wasn’t going to be the Consulate anymore.

The following morning Dief and I got up and went for our usual run around the park and then I set to looking for a new apartment in between completing my other duties for Inspector Thatcher. By noon, I had located an affordable one that was located halfway between the Consulate and the Chicago Police Department. ‘Perfect’ I thought to myself. I would look at it before meeting Ray in the afternoon and hopefully be able to move by the weekend. Ray and I both had the weekend off together so he would be able to help me move my few belongings. Maybe this would settle Ray’s nerves about having Jimmy around. Something about the way he kept looking at me had me unsettled.

Around two in the afternoon I left the consulate for the day and Dief and I set out to look at the available apartment for rent. I didn’t need much, something simple would be sufficed. The landlady appeared friendly enough as did the other tenants I had met in passing in the hallway. The rent was reasonable and the apartment itself was shockingly clean and well cared for, unlike my last residence. I asked the landlady how soon I would be able to move and she told me as soon as I liked. We agreed, I would sign paperwork that Friday and with a quick handshake, I now had a home again. Dief and I set off to see Ray and I couldn’t wait to share my news with him.

It had only been one morning apart, but I was missing his touch already. His long slender fingers, how they danced on my skin and made me shiver. His lips on mine felt like nothing I had felt before and the feelings that were growing inside of me for this man could have me easily unhinged. I quickened my pace to the precinct without intending too, I had a sudden urge to see Ray. When I finally arrived, Ray was at his desk, searching through some files. He glanced up and caught sight of me and smiled. I returned the smile and made my way to his desk.

“Good afternoon, Ray.” I could hardly contain myself at seeing him again. I suddenly felt like I was in junior high suffering from a crush. But this wasn’t a crush, this was Ray and Ray felt the same way towards me that I did towards him.

“Hey there, Fraser. What are you all grins about?” Ray asked me with a smile as big as my own.

“I have some news for you, big news. News that will in a round- about way settle the Jimmy problem, not entirely, of course, but to an agreeable degree I should hope.”

“ _What_? Speak _English_ Fraser, not _Canadian_.” Ray looked confused and his smile went halfway away.

“I’m sorry, Ray. This afternoon I have secured myself and Diefenbaker a new apartment.” My grin was getting bigger by the second and Ray’s was quickly returning to match it.

“Are you serious? That’s greatness!” Ray exclaimed.

I locked eyes with him and lowered my voice. “Now, we can go for round two without worrying about Jimmy.” I winked at Ray and he knew instantly what I had meant. His grin got wider.

 “Do you need my help with anything today or can you leave for the day?” I asked him suddenly and uncharacteristically of me. “Because, I would really like your help in perhaps selecting a few new things for the apartment.”

“I think I can get away. I have all my reports done for the day. What kinds of things are we talking here?” Ray’s tone held a certain amount of tease to it and I began to blush.

“Well, I will need some new dishes, a sofa and perhaps a chair or two. A lamp would be nice and a…. ummm…. a new bed.” I whispered the last part and Ray had to lean towards me to hear me clearly.

“Oh yeah, ‘cause that cot of yours does not look comfortable _at all_.” He winked at me and began to clear the files off his desk to put them away for the day.

We made our way towards Ray’s car. Ray was walking closer than he normally did and I could smell his cologne. He bumped my hip with his and grinned at me. “I’ve missed you today.” He revealed to me. “I was hoping I would see you outside of work.”

“I must admit, you have been on my mind as well.” We made our way to Ray’s car without making any public displays of affection, but the moment I pulled my door closed, Ray had his hand around the back of my neck and was pulling me in for a kiss. There was no hesitation on my part and I matched his passion with a fierce kiss of my own.

Ray broke the kiss first. “God, I’ve wanted to do that to you all day.”

I let out a small laugh. “As have I, Ray.” We both settled back into our seats and made our way to the furniture store to select a few furnishings for my new home. It took Ray and me about two hours, but by the time we were through, I had purchased a new sofa, dishes, tableware, a table set, a few lamps and a new bed. I had selected to have everything delivered on Saturday morning. Ray agreed to help me move my few belongings from the consulate that morning as well before the delivery people were to arrive.

Exhausted from shopping, we decided to get some dinner at our favorite Chinese place. I suddenly remembered Jimmy’s arrival and wondered if Ray didn’t need to get back home. I had a feeling that Jimmy was an uncomfortable subject with Ray and their history wasn’t always easy-going.

 I broke the silence. “Ray, what is it about Jimmy that has you on edge?”

He locked eyes with me and let out a long held breath before replying. “Jimmy has a bad habit of taking things that don’t belong to him. And he doesn’t usually stop until he gets what he wants… and that scares me.”


	4. Jimmy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, due South does not belong to me. I am only borrowing the guys for a bit. I own all mistakes. I hope everyone is enjoying this story. Please feel free to leave me your thoughts.

Ray looked from me back to his uneaten eggroll and pushed it across his plate. He shrugged his shoulders and grabbed for the eggroll again. I didn't want to push Ray and I knew he would tell me in his own time what it was about Jimmy that was bothering him.

"Where do you want me to start?" he finally asked me.

"Where ever you feel the most comfortable. I don't want to push you, Ray." I had not seen Ray this torn since he first told me about his past with Stella.

"Jimmy and I go all the way back to high school. We got in and out of trouble, always together. After graduation, Stella and I both went off to school and Jimmy got himself a few odd jobs here and there, nothing ever stable.” Ray signaled our waitress for another refill of his coffee before he continued his story. “I think Jimmy was always jealous that I ended up with Stella and not him. He always had a thing for her, but she never liked him as anything more than a friend.  He never said it in so many words, but he came around less often and had started to give me the cold shoulder. I just brushed it off as an ‘I grew up and he didn’t’ kind of thing. Then, Stella and I got married and all of a sudden, here comes Jimmy again. He had gotten himself fired from his latest job and lost his apartment and needed a place to stay. Hell, we were old, buddies, what was I supposed to do? Turn him away? So, I let him stay with us. I told Stella it would be fine, he could sleep on the couch for a few weeks until he found another place.”

“Let me guess, Stella wasn’t too keen on the idea of him staying with you?” I asked Ray.

“Oh, she didn’t really care at first. Then one day I came home from work and she was all upset and screaming at me. When she finally calmed down, she told me that Jimmy had made a pass at her. When he came back later in the evening, I of course confronted him. Told he him wasn’t allowed there when Stella was there alone. I gave him a week to get his shit together.”

“Is that why you’re leery of him staying with you again? You think he will make another pass at Stella?” I asked Ray cautiously. “I don’t think I need to remind you that she can date whomever she pleases.”

“No, you knit-wit. I’m worried about him putting the moves on you.” Ray said anger filling his voice.

I was taken aback at Ray's sudden outburst and I was pretty certain that he could see the hurt in my eyes. Ray quickly dropped the eggroll he was still playing with and took hold of my hands before I could pull them away.

"God, I'm sorry, Ben..." he quickly apologized. "...its just that... well, Jimmy doesn't care who he hurts, as long as he gets what he wants in the end. And I'm not going to pretend I didn't see the way he was looking at you."

"Ray, I have no interest in Jimmy. He unnerves me to be quite honest. If it upsets you so much, why agree to let him stay with you?” I was having a difficult time reading Ray’s body language all of a sudden.

Ray looked at me defeated. “I don’t know, I think I feel sorry for the guy. Maybe he has changed. I don’t know. He's had a rough past. It just makes me nervous after I saw him eye-balling you. I’m telling you, he lays a finger on you or even attempts to whisper in your ear, he’s going to lose a body part.

“Ray, I have no intention of letting him get that close to me. I don’t believe that Diefenbaker would even allow it. He isn’t very fond of him. It is has been quite some time since he has actually growled at someone upon first meeting them.” I tried to break the tension that was building in Ray and managed to get a smile out of him. "Don't you _trust_ me?" I asked, trying not to let the hurt come through my voice.

" _Of course_ , I trust you, Ben." Ray emphasized by squeezing my hands and then locking our fingers. "Okay? I don't want you to think that I don't, but I just don't trust Jimmy. God, you and I have been through so much the last few months and I feel like we have built this strong connection that nothing can break. Like I said, maybe he has changed. I will give him the benefit of the doubt.”

"What did you guys talk about last night?" I asked Ray curiously. Perhaps if I changed the subject, Ray would relax a little and we could actually enjoy our time together.

"He asked me about Stella and what happened there. So, I gave him the short version. He asked me about work and I told him that you help get me into some very interesting situations."

"Well, I do what I can to keep our partnership interesting." I said with a crooked smile.

"That you do. Never a dull moment with you around." Ray squeezed my hands one last time before unlocking our fingers and letting go. "I gave Jimmy a few leads on some jobs to check out and we talked some about what landed him in jail."

"And that was?" I asked full of curiosity.

"Assault and drug possesion." Ray replied. “Not exactly a boy scout, huh?”

“Did he say who he assaulted?” I was suddenly worried about Ray’s safety with Jimmy staying with him.

“Apparently some guy got in his face at a party and he ended up beating the hell out of him.” Ray explained with a shrug of his shoulders.

“And the drugs?” I asked.

“Said he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He was riding around with a friend and they got pulled over, cops searched the car and found a stash and he got busted for it.”

“Hmm… you will be careful around him, won’t you?” I asked Ray.

“Of course, I will. I am a cop, remember.” Ray locked eyes with me and gave me a warm smile. “Okay listen, I’m tired of talking about Jimmy. So, now what? You want to come back to my place for a while? I’m not going to promise that he won’t be there. We can stop at theConsulate and pick up Diefenbaker."

I pulled at my collar and heard Ray chuckle. "What's so funny?"

"I'm really sorry, but I think I left a mark last night on your neck. _I_ gave _Benton Fraser_ a hickey." Ray proudly replied.

"Ahh... I prefer _love bite,_ Ray." I let out a chuckle of my own and then I grew serious again. "Ray, are we going to tell people about us?" I asked him carefully, trying to gauge his reaction and glad we had the privacy of a corner booth.

"Well, I'm not going to broadcast it or anything.” He grabbed for my hands again and continued quickly when the hurt began to show on my face. “What I meant was, I know you like your privacy. So, I leave the decision up to you. I'm not against our friends knowing.”

"So, no hiding? I could kiss you openly in public and that wouldn't bother you?" I asked him.

“It may be a bit weird at first, but then again, any public display of affection is weird at first, regardless of who it’s with.” Ray squeezed my hands. “I’m not ashamed to be seen with you and I hope you feel the same way. I don’t want to hide how I feel for you behind my apartment door, but I’m also not going to run up and down the street screaming ‘I’m dating Benton Fraser!’.”

“Okay.” I squeezed his hands in return and quickly added, “Let’s get out of here, Ray, and go back to your place. Maybe we will get lucky and Jimmy will be out for the evening.” I said with a wink.

Ray paid our bill and we made our way outside towards the opposite side of the street, where ray had parked the GTO. He surprised me by taking my hand in his. He was right, it did feel strange to put even a small amount of affection on display, but it was a feeling I was going to get used to.

 I had a sudden urge to kiss Ray and I didn’t think I could wait until we got into the privacy of the car. I slowed my steps and pulled Ray to a stop as well. He turned around and looked at me confused. With our clasped hands, I pulled him towards me. My free hand went around the back of his neck and I pulled his face to mine. With just a hint of hesitation, my lips met his. I only intended to give Ray a quick kiss, to show him that I wasn’t worried about people knowing of our relationship. But when my lips met his, there was an electric spark and we were both soon running out of air as our tongues invaded each other’s mouths and the kiss was deepened considerably. My hands where busy running through Ray’s spikey blond hair and he had settled his on my waist. I came up for air breathing hard. “I think we need to move to a more private location.”

“You know, Ben. You shouldn’t kiss me like _this_ , unless you mean it like _that_.”

“Oh, I mean it like _that_ , Ray.” I pulled him close for another kiss and was startled when I heard someone from across the street yell in our direction.

_“Hey, get a room!”_

Ray began to laugh. “Gladly!” he yelled back over his shoulder and pulled me in the direction of his car.

We managed to keep our hands off of each other on the drive to Ray’s apartment, but all bets were off the moment we crossed the threshold and headed up the stairs. We were twisting in each other’s grasps trying to get a better hold onto each other and tripping over our own feet in the process, but our lips remained fused together. No force was powerful enough to break us apart. Ray fumbled with his keys and I was suddenly very happy that he took my advice and cleared the excess keys off his ring. He found his apartment key and within a few seconds he had the door unlocked and opened. He flipped on the light with knowing fingers and it appeared that we had the apartment to ourselves… maybe the penny I had picked up earlier in the day did provide us with a touch of luck. Ray had me pushed up against his living room wall and began grinding his hips into mine.

“God… Ray.” I panted out.

"You have no idea what you do to me." Ray was working his way towards my hips and his nimble fingers already had my shirt unbuttoned. Pulling the shirt out of my jeans, he unbuttoned it the rest of the way and pulled it down off my shoulders, stopping at my wrists. He effectively had me cuffed.  I was now at Ray’s mercy. Ray looked into my eyes as my breathing began to quicken.

“Looks like we have the place to ourselves.” Ray began to place soft kisses along my collarbone and slowly made trails down towards the button on my jeans. He kissed my growing erection through my jeans before making his way back towards my lips. I believe he kissed every bare piece of skin between my lips and the button to my jeans. He placed his hands on my hips and pulled me off the wall and began to back me towards his bedroom. His hands were busy exploring my torso and he would occasionaly pull me close to him and rub his erection across mine. We were both highly aroused.

I wanted to participate in my own exploration of Ray’s body but my hands where still cuffed with my shirt. Ray hit a particular sensitive spot on my right side and I gasp in surprise. “Ray…” His kisses were becoming too much, I had to get my hands free and on him. I moaned out his name again, pleading with him as he placed more kisses towards my pulsing erection. “Ray… _please_ … _oh_ , _god._ ”

“What, _Ben_?” he whispered in my ear, his face showing his arousal that was a mirror to my own.

“Please… my hands, I need to touch you… to _feel you,”_ I begged himto release me.

“Not yet… just hold on a little longer,” he continued to whisper towards my ear while he continued to back me into his room, in the direction towards the bed. My knees hit the back of the bed and Ray stopped his sensual kisses to my upper body and began to undo the button and zipper of my jeans. My breath caught in my throat when he worked his long, slender fingers into my boxers and began to stroke me.

“ _Ray… please.”_  I panted while he continued to stroke me and then his fingers were wrapped firmly around my erection. “Oh god, oh god… _Ray, don’t stop.”_ I closed my eyes and threw my head forward to rest on Ray’s shoulder.

 As quickly as he began, his hand let go of me and he spoke quietly, just above a whisper. “ _Now…_ I’ll let you go.” With a gentle tug he pulled my jeans and boxers both to my ankles and I stepped out of them. He stripped with lightening quick speed himself and was once again standing in front of me. He placed his hands on the fabric still cuffing my wrists and tugged until my hands were free.

I had to get my hands on Ray and feel his smooth skin under my touch. I caught him off-guard by grabbing his elbows and spinning him around so he was backed against the bed. His momentum pulled us both down and I initiated my own exploration of his body. I covered Ray with my aroused body, pinning him to the mattress. I began placing kisses to all of the sensitive spots I had found on him the first night we shared his bed. The underside of his left wrist, his collarbone, behind his right ear, down the middle of his chest to just above his now full erection, were all spots I concentrated my kisses and earned a moan at each new location. I took Ray’s right ring finger into my mouth and sucked then twirled my tongue around it, until I heard Ray moan.

“I _want_ you _…_ I _need_ you to _touch me.”_ Ray begged in my ear as I found his lips once more and silenced him with a fierce kiss.

 I trailed my fingers up and down his erection slowly, teasing him a little before I took hold of him firmly in my hand and began stroking him. Ray threw his head back into his pillow and bucked his hips to match each of my strokes. Rays was breathing hard and his eyes where closed tightly. His hand found its way between our bodies and he was soon matching me stroke for stroke. We were gasping for air and calling out each other’s names when we both reached our climax.

I collapsed beside Ray and lay my hand on his glistening hip. His breathing was beginning to even out and he finally opened his eyes and turned to drape an arm over my shoulder. I opened my own eyes and caught him staring at me. A smile broke out across his face. He took his clean hand and traced my lips before kissing me again.

“I’ll go get a washcloth from the bathroom to get us cleaned up.” He deepened his kiss before releasing my lips. “Then we can catch some sleep.”

“That sounds good, Ray.”

Ray got up and left the bedroom for the washcloth. He was gone longer than I thought it would have taken to get a simple wash cloth. When he returned, I was half asleep already. He leaned over and kissed me before cleaning the evidence of our love making off of my stomach and hand.

“Hey, Ben,” he whispered.

I opened my eyes slowly and tried to focus. “Ray, I believe in our haste to get back to your place, we have forgotten to pick up Diefenbaker.”

“Listen, I hate to do this, but Welsh just called and left me a message. I’m needed at the station to help with an interrogation of a guy we arrested yesterday.”

“I can come with you.” I began to sit up and Ray pushed me back down.

“No, it’s okay. I shouldn’t be but a few hours. You go ahead and stay and get some sleep and I’ll crawl in with you when I get back.”

“Diefenbaker…” I began to protest but Ray silenced me with a finger to my lips.

“I will pick up Dief on my way home.” Ray replied.

“Okay… if you’re sure you don’t mind.” I lay my head back down on the pillow and pulled the blankets up to my neck.

“I’ll see you in a few hours. Night, Ben.” Ray leaned over and kissed me again.

 I wished he didn’t have to leave then we could fall asleep in each other’s embrace. Ray’s scent was filling my nose and I longed for his touch already. I told myself he would only be a few hours, so I settled into my pillow and fell into a deep sleep.

 

Morning came and I awoke with a start, confused as to where I was. The bed was softer than my own and the blankets heavier over my body. I glanced around and sighed when memory took over and all of Ray’s belongings came into view. Yes, I was at Ray’s. But, Ray’s side of the bed was cold, indicating that he had either been up for a while or never returned home last night after leaving for the station. My heartbeat sped up and I climbed out of bed quickly. Pulling on my boxers and jeans, I stopped short of the bedroom door when I smelled Ray’s coffee and… was that waffles? My heartbeat began to steady itself as I made my way towards the smell of breakfast and Ray.

Ray’s back was turned to me in the kitchen and I leaned against the wall to study him while he whipped eggs in a bowl. His moves seemed to be a bit choppy and not as graceful as I was used to seeing. His hair, although ever in the experimental, mode appeared off as well. Then, he turned around and I was caught.

“Good morning, Benton,” Jimmy said with a sly grin. “Imagine my surprise when I came in last night and went to ask Ray a question and found you asleep in his bed instead. Waffle?”

Jimmy handed me a plate of fresh waffles and I took it from him unsure what to say besides the polite response of ‘Thank- you’.

“When Ray mentioned he was seeing someone, he didn’t mention it was you.” Jimmy winked at me. “What’s the matter, the cat got your tongue?”

“I’m terribly sorry, Jimmy. You uh... you took me by surprise. I was expecting to find Ray in the kitchen, not you. From the back the two of you are very similar, so I apologize if it appeared that I was um… uh staring at you.”

“You can stare all you want.” Jimmy replied with another wink.

“Do you know where Ray is this morning?” I asked him, changing the subject quickly. This man unnerved me very much. I didn’t like the way his eyes were roaming over my body. I remembered I was wearing only my jeans. My shirt was still on the floor somewhere in Ray’s bedroom. “Excuse me for a moment.” I retreated to bedroom and found my shirt. Pulling the arms right side out, I slipped it on and began to button it up as I returned to the kitchen.

“You didn’t have to cover up on my account. I don’t mind looking at you. Ray found himself quite the catch. Didn’t know he was gay.”

“Yes, about Ray, do you know where he is?” I asked ignoring Jimmy’s other comments.

“Nah, he hasn’t been here since I got in around two.”

“I see, and you’re up already?” I questioned him.

“Don’t sleep much. How long have you and Ray been together?” Jimmy asked me, his eyes still wandering over my body.

“Not long, actually. Our relationship is still fairly new.” I wasn’t about to give Jimmy any more details than necessary. Maybe I should have told him we had been together longer so he would stop staring at my body.

“Hmmm… maybe that leaves an opening for me then. I mean, come on, he leaves for the night and abandons you alone in his bed. What does that tell you about the guy?” Jimmy asked me.

Jimmy began moving closer to me, like a predator on the prowl. I began to back up towards the wall away from his advances. I was unsure what his intentions were at the moment.

“It tells me that he had to leave for work and that he hasn’t returned home yet. He in no way abandoned me. Now, if you will excuse me. I need to get going.” I retreated to the bedroom and gathered the last of my clothing, shoes and socks and headed to the door. Jimmy stopped me at the door and took hold of my elbow.

“You know, Benton.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “You should really start looking at things from a different point of view. I can make you so much happier than Ray can.”

Jimmy let go of my elbow and I left, quickly made my way to the police station in search of Ray.

 

When I entered the bull pen, I found Ray sitting at his desk. It was littered with coffee cups and Twinkie wrappers. He was sifting through a pile of paperwork when he finally looked up and noticed me. I sat down in my chair across from him and locked eyes with him.

“We need to talk, _now._ ”


	5. Trouble

Fraser was shaking as the words left his mouth and Ray knew something was not right.

"What's wrong?" Ray asked and stopped shuffling through his stack of papers. He locked eyes with Fraser.

"Not here." Fraser remained tight lipped. "Can you leave?"

"Sure... just give me ten mintes to talk to Welsh and we can go back to my place." Ray was still confused as to Fraser's strange behavior. "You okay?"

"No, not your place.” Fraser replied immediately.

“Okay, we can go to the Consulate.”

“No, I’d rather not go there either. Can we just go for a walk?” Fraser asked.

“Sure, that’s fine.” Ray stared at Fraser for a moment before asking Fraser the same question as before. “You okay?”

“Not entirely, no. Did you happen to get Diefenbaker?” Fraser tried to change the subject and glanced around the bullpen for the wolf.

Ray knew a diversion when he heard it and let it go. Fraser would tell him what was bothering him when they left. “Yeah, he’s probably swiping doughnuts from some poor sap. You go find him and meet me out front in ten, okay.”

Fraser got up to go search for Diefenbaker and Ray watched his retreating form closely. Something had spooked the Mountie and he wondered if it was because he didn’t return home last night when he said he would. Surely, Fraser wouldn’t be that insecure. He filed his paperwork and went to tell Lieutenant Welsh that he was leaving and would return later in the afternoon after he had gotten some sleep.

Ray left the bullpen in search of Fraser and found him in front of the precinct ruffling Dief’s fur. “You ready?” Ray asked Fraser as he bent down to pet Dief as well.

“Yes, I’m ready. Come along, Diefenbaker.” The half- wolf let out a yawn, but followed Fraser and Ray towards the park.

Fraser was silent for the first ten minutes of their walk. Ray figured he wanted to get away from as many ears as he could before he would tell Ray what was bothering him. Ray couldn’t take Fraser’s silence anymore.

“You going to tell me what’s bothering you or am I going to have to kick you in the head in order for you to spill it? I can’t read your mind Fraser and something is obviously bothering you.” Ray grabbed Fraser’s hand and pulled him to a stop and turned him so they were now face to face. “What is it?”

Fraser was quiet for a few more moments as he organized his thoughts in his head. His voice was very quiet when he did speak and Ray had to strain just to hear him.

“It’s Jimmy, Ray. I don’t think you should let him stay with you.” Fraser was looking everywhere but at Ray.

“What happened, Ben,” Ray asked him as he placed reassuring caresses on top of Fraser’s trembling hands.

“I woke up this morning and you weren’t there. I thought perhaps that something had happened to you.” Fraser began quietly.

“I’m sorry. I was on my way home and I stopped to get Dief. Then Welsh called me and wanted me to finish up the paperwork so they could get that guy processed and booked. I would have called, but I didn’t figure you would answer my phone.” Ray explained, hoping that was the only reason Fraser was upset. Seemed simple enough and easily forgiven… he hoped it was that easy.

“No, Ray, that’s not it. When I pulled on my pants and went to look for you, I smelled coffee and waffles and assumed you were in the kitchen cooking breakfast. I was leaning against the wall watching you; at least I thought it was you. Imagine my surprise when he turned around and I found out it was Jimmy and not you.” Fraser explained.

“Jimmy? We look nothing alike, Fraser.” Ray replied confused.

“Believe me, from behind, you do. _The point is_ , Ray, he caught me staring and thought I was interested in him. I apologized and tried to explain that I thought it was you I was staring at and not him. He told me he didn’t mind me staring at him and when I went to put on the rest of my clothing, he told me there was no need for me to cover up that he didn’t mind looking at me. Ray, he was making a pass at me.”

“ _I’ll kill him_.” Ray was suddenly angry. “How dare he? He promised me it wouldn’t be like last time when he made a pass at Stella. I let that bastard into my home and this is how he thanks me, he hits on you? ”

“I just thought you should know. I’m sure he will pass it off as nothing, just a misunderstanding. I don’t like the way he looks at me, Ray. I know that he’s your friend and all, but…” Fraser was cut short by Ray’s reply.

“No, Fraser. No _friend_ of mine puts the moves on someone I’m seeing, that’s not _buddies_. He can find somewhere else to stay.”

“I don’t want you to think I can’t deflect him myself, but he’s staying with you and I thought it might be wise that you knew.”

“Did he say anything else?” Ray asked, his anger still building.

“Such as…?” Fraser asked confused.

“Such as… _I don’t know I wasn’t there Fraser_ , you tell me.” Ray yelled in Fraser’s direction as he ran his fingers through his spiky hair.

“Why are you yelling at me? I didn’t do anything wrong, Ray.” Fraser was taken aback at Ray’s outburst. “I left the apartment immediately to look for you. I, in no way, led him on or anything.”

“God, I’m stupid... I’m sorry, it just pisses me off. You know? He thinks he can come strolling back into my life and then tries to mess things up for me.” Ray began to settle down and took hold of Fraser’s hands. “I’ll talk to him tonight and tell him he needs to find another place to stay.”

“I’m sorry, Ray.” Fraser told him as he squeezed Ray’s hand. “I know you wanted things to be different this time.”

“Yeah, well if you weren’t so damn hot, then none of this would have ever happened.” Ray teased Fraser but then grew serious again. “No, I don’t need people like that in my life. He hasn’t changed and probably never will. I guess I was right all those years ago, I grew up, and he didn’t. I’m sorry, Ben. I would have never let him stay if I had seriously thought he would try to come between us.”

 

“I know, Ray. It’s okay. I would just rather not be around him if it’s all the same to you. Listen, I need to get to my new apartment to sign the lease and get the keys. Do you want to come with me or do you need to get home to get some sleep?” Fraser asked Ray.

“I can come with you. Maybe, we can get some lunch afterwards. Dief stole my breakfast.” Ray laughed and Dief barked at him. “Yeah mutt, I’m talking about you. Paws off my doughnut next time.” 

 

Fraser and Ray made their way to Fraser’s new apartment and met with the landlady to sign the lease. Ray was impressed with how well cared for the apartment complex was. After signing his lease and getting his keys, Fraser asked Ray if he was ready for some lunch. 

They made their way to a local deli near Fraser’s new apartment. Ray was hungry and all he wanted to do was grab something to eat. As the two passed a hair salon, Fraser stopped and turned around.

“What’s the matter?” Ray asked still thinking about what he wanted to eat.

“Ray, I think I heard something.” Fraser replied as he made his way to the front of the salon.

That’s when all hell broke loose…

 

"Fraser, why the fuck won't you _just listen_ to me? How am I supposed to protect you and all of the fine citizens of Chicago, if you keep trying to get us killed? I care far too much about you, damnit...God, for once _, just_ _listen_ to me!"

"Ray, those women were in danger. If I hadn't taken action when I did, that gunman could have killed them. I'm sorry if you don't understand that, but as officers of the law...we have a duty to uphold."

"And I have a duty to not let you get yourself killed on my watch. We wait for back-up, we access the situation _, before taking any action_ , and then we react… _after_ back-up has arrived.  How am I supposed to help you move tomorrow if you’re dead, huh?” Ray gave Fraser the once over to make sure he was in-deed still all in- tact. “How's the head by the way?"

 "A little tender," Fraser replied. He touched the back of his head and his hand came away covered in blood.

“That’s it, ‘A little tender’? Fraser, you got whacked in the head by a two by four. What do you think is going to give first, your head or the board?”

Not completely satisfied by the looks of Fraser’s head wound caused by the lethal weapon, Ray sighed heavily. "In your defense, I didn't see the guy with the two by four either. Come on, let's go get that gash looked at by the paramedics. You might need a couple of stitches." 

“Ray, that won’t be necessary. I’m fine.” Fraser stood and tried to hide the slight wobble.

“Yeah, you’re fine, all right. God, you’re so stubborn. Come on, to the paramedics or I’m strapping you to a board and having an ambulance take you to the hospital.”

“That won’t be necessary, Ray. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to have it checked over.” Fraser relented and allowed Ray to help him to the awaiting ambulance.

 

Nine stitches and strong dose of a pain killer later, Ray was dropping Fraser off at the consulate for the evening.

“You know, I wish you would just come home with me. You going to be okay here by yourself?” Ray was concerned for his friend. Ever since leaving the hospital, Fraser had been unusually quiet. He had taken hits before and come out relatively unscathed, but today’s ambush seemed to take the wind out of Fraser’s sails. “I mean, maybe I should make sure you wake up every few hours or something. I know the doctor said you didn’t have a constitu…const…. _concussion_ or anything, but you were out cold for a few seconds.”

“As you keep reminding me, Ray. No, thank you for the offer, but I will be fine with Diefenbaker here with me. You still need to talk to Jimmy and I would rather not be present for that conversation.”

“Alright, but I still don’t like the idea of leaving you here. If you like… need something, you’ll call, right?”

“Of, course, Ray. Good night, I will see you tomorrow.” Fraser kissed Ray then retreated to the quiet behind the closed doors of the Consulate. Ray remained parked for a few more moments waiting to see lights appear in the windows. ‘God, Fraser could be so stubborn. Doesn’t he care about his own well- being? And who cares if Jimmy is there or not, doesn’t Fraser know he’s more important than him?’

Ray replayed the scene over again in his head. What had even drawn their attention to the salon in the first place? Oh yeah...Fraser's freaky bat ears. He heard women screaming from within and within five running strides, he and Ray were in the middle of a showdown. Ray had his gun trained on the mad gunman who was threatening the five women in the salon. They were terrified, who could blame them? Nobody knew what the man with the gun wanted. He seemed to be singling out a certain young lady wearing bright green. The gunman and the young lady appeared to be roughly the same age. Maybe they were acquaintances, maybe they were lovers. Ray didn’t care. Next thing he knew, there’s Fraser talking calmly to this guy, trying to get him to give up whatever he was attempting. It seemed to be working too, ‘How the hell does Fraser do that?’ Then, all hell broke loose. Even crazier man with the two by four, came charging out from behind a partition used at the salon to hide the stash of towels or something. He took one quick swing and Fraser was down and out cold. He had been blindsided. With that distraction, it took Ray all of a half a second to subdue the gunman and land a solid fist to crazy guy’s head, effectively knocking him out cold. 'That’s for Fraser'.

 There apparently was a love triangle going on. That's what Ray gathered after board man regained his bearings and started spilling his guts. His lady in pink had been messing around with the gun guy and he didn’t feel like sharing anymore. Gun man goes to the salon to confront the girl, not knowing that crazy board guy worked there…what a fucking mess.

And now, Fraser wasn’t talking. Maybe, it was the _almost_ concussion, but Ray had a sneaking suspicion something else was bothering the Mountie. Perhaps, it was the episode with Jimmy earlier that morning that had Fraser out of sorts. Tonight, he was too tired to play twenty questions with Fraser.  He would attempt to get to the bottom of it when he helped Fraser move into his new apartment in the morning. He turned the engine over and drove home with Fraser still on his mind.

 

When Ray got home there was a note lying on his counter from Jimmy. He read it several times before picking up the phone and calling the Consulate. Fraser answered almost immediately.

“Canadian Consulate, Constable Benton Fraser speaking.”

Ray suppressed a chuckle and replied into the phone. “Fraser, it’s after hours. Why do you answer the phone like that?”

“It is how the Consulate phone is to be answered Ray, regardless of the time of day.” Fraser replied dryly.

“Okay, I’m sorry. No need to get your feathers all ruffled. Listen, I’m coming back to get you.” Ray began but was cut off by Fraser.

“That’s not necessary, Ray. I told you I’m fine and besides, I’m not entirely comfortable with Jimmy there.”

“You got hit in the head with a board today, Fraser. I’m not leaving you alone, even if Diefenbaker is there with you. Jimmy isn’t here anyway. He left me a note and said he would be gone for a few days. So, pack a bag, I’m coming to get you.” Ray told him.

“Alright… and thank you, Ray. I will be ready when you get here.” Fraser replied.

Fraser sounded defeated to Ray. It had been a long day and Ray still hadn’t made it to bed yet. It would do them both some good to get some much needed sleep. Ray arrived at the Consulate and as promised, Fraser was out front waiting with Diefenbaker. He looked every bit as tired as Ray felt. Fraser got in the car and Ray made the drive back to his apartment. Ray caught Fraser nodding off several times on the drive back and knew the Mountie needed to get some rest.

 

Once inside the apartment, Ray took Fraser’s bag and put it in his bedroom. He got Fraser settled on the couch and went to the kitchen to make himself some coffee and Fraser some tea. He returned a few moments later to find Fraser resting his head on the back of the couch with his eyes closed. Dief was curled up beside him with his head on Fraser’s lap. Fraser had one hand resting on Dief’s neck and the other draped over his eyes.

 Ray cringed. He knew Fraser had to have a massive headache by now, even with the pain killers, if he even took them. He sat down beside him and set the coffee and tea on the table in front of the couch. He reached up and pulled Fraser’s hand down from his face carefully. Quietly, he asked, “Ben, you okay?”

Fraser opened his eyes slowly and focused on Ray. “I don’t know.”

“I know you don’t like to, but I want you to take some of those pain pills the doctor gave you. If anything, it will help you sleep. I will even get them for you. You did bring them, right?” Ray asked.

“Yes, Ray. They are in the side pocket of my bag. I do have a sizable headache, if I’m going to be honest about it.” Fraser admitted.

“Yeah, well, getting hit in the head with a two by four will do that to you.” Ray got up and went to retrieve Fraser’s pain medication. He missed the glare Fraser was sending in his direction.

“No, need to be a smart-ass, Ray. I believe I learned the lesson for the day.” Fraser remarked.

“Oh yeah, and what lesson would that be?” Ray asked as he shook out two pain pills for Fraser and handed them to him with his tea.

Fraser swallowed the pills and placed the tea cup back on the table and rested his head back on the couch.

“ _Trust you_ …” Fraser replied softly as he took Ray’s hand into his own and locked their fingers together.

“Was that so hard to say?” Ray asked Fraser as he took his free hand and ran his fingers over Fraser’s lips.

“No, not at all,” Fraser admitted. He licked his lips and took in the salty flavor left by Rays long, slender fingers.

Ray leaned forward to kiss him softly. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

 

Fraser and Ray got under the covers and wrapped themselves around each other. It had been a hell of a day. The pain medication had already kicked in because Fraser was asleep within ten minutes. It took Ray another twenty to settle his nerves enough to succumb to the haven of much needed sleep.

 

Ray woke up to the shrill ringing of his cell phone. He checked his watch and found that it was three thirty in the morning. He had not been asleep long enough and decided against answering. Whoever it was could call at a more appropriate time of day, like say noon. Or two minutes later… this time Ray answered.

“Yeah, what do you want?” he asked gruffly into the phone. He didn’t care who it was, he just wanted to go back to sleep.

“Vecchio, I need you at the station.” Lieutenant Welsh demanded. “You’re crazy gun guy wants to cut a deal. You’ve got thirty minutes to get here. He’ll only talk to you or Fraser and I’m pretty sure the Constable is in no condition to talk.”

“No, he’s not. He’s finally sleeping. Give me a few and I will be in.” Ray relented.

He carefully got out of bed so he wouldn’t wake Fraser. He got dressed then left a note on the counter for Fraser in case he wasn’t back when he woke up. At least he would know where he had gone. He popped a bagel into the toaster to eat on the way to the station. He was about to walk out the door when Dief padded into the living room and began whining.

“You have to go out?” Ray asked and Dief let out a short bark. “Okay, but I’m running behind. You will just have to come with me to the station.” Diefenbaker barked again. “Yeah, there will be doughnuts. God, you’re hopeless.” Dief barked again and circled around Ray’s legs. “No, I won’t tell Fraser. Come on.” Ray added to his note that Dief was with him and not to worry.

 

Warm hands worked their way up Fraser’s stomach towards his chest. Fingers were tracing the outline of his lips and he moaned in his sleep. A hand was caressing his cheek. He turned into its warm touch. Sure fingers were drawing trails up his arms and down his chest.  He felt the wetness of a kiss, a kiss laced with tobacco and smoke. The strong hands on his chest felt strange and unfamiliar. He knew the touch of Ray’s slender, smooth fingers. These were rough and calloused. Fraser’s head was pounding with pain and it took too much effort to open his eyes. He let the caresses, although unfamiliar, lull him back to sleep. Maybe it was a dream, he told himself as the hands and the touches and the kisses all disappeared into the night.

When Fraser woke the following morning, it was a repeat of the previous morning. Ray’s side of the bed was cold and there was the aroma of coffee filling the apartment. He slowly disentangled himself from the covers, pulled on some sweats and made his way to the kitchen. Today, he found Ray in the place of Jimmy. A slow smile spread over his face as he came up behind Ray and wrapped his arms around him. Ray turned around in his arms and gave Fraser a smile of his own.

“Good morning, Ben. Sleep well?” Ray asked Fraser.

“For the most part, yes… thank-you. Ray, when did you take up smoking again?” Fraser asked him curiously.

“What are you talking about? I haven’t smoked for years.” Ray asked confused.

“Last night, when you kissed me, I could taste tobacco.” Fraser answered.

“Fraser, I wasn’t here last night…”


	6. Moving In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for following the journey of Fraser and Ray K. I hope that you are all enjoying what you have read so far. As always, feel free to leave me your comments. Enjoy!

Shock spread over Fraser’s face as he took a step back away from Ray. He ran a finger over his lips at the ghost of a memory from the night before. “What do you mean you weren't here?” he was lost in thought.

Ray took a sip from his coffee cup and placed it on the counter. He leaned heavily against it, crossing his arms in front of him. “Welsh called before the butt- crack of dawn and told me that the guy with the gun at the hair salon wanted to cut a deal. He would only talk to you or me and in thirty minutes or no deal. You were in no shape to get up. Besides,  you were sound asleep. So, I let you sleep and I went… got him to spill _everything_.”

Confusion spread across Fraser’s features once again. “But… if you weren’t..., then..., who... I don’t understand.” Fraser couldn’t get out a complete thought.

Ray pushed off the counter and stood in front of Fraser and took his hands in his own. “Hey, you okay? What’s all this about smoking and kisses? What happened?”

Fraser looked like he was a thousand miles away as he remembered the previous night. “Your kiss... it must have been a dream, but it seemed so real."

Ray leaned forward and captured Fraser's lips in a kiss. "A kiss like this?" Ray traced Fraser's wet lips with his long fingers.

Fraser melted into Ray's touch. "Yes, but..."

Ray kissed Fraser again, deeper this time. "Or like that?" Ray purred in Fraser's ear.

"But it was mixed with tobacco and smoke. I could _taste_ it. And your hands..." Fraser took hold of one of Rays hands and studied it. "They were different.”

Ray looked at Fraser and wondered if he hadn’t taken a harder hit to the noggin than they originally thought. “My hands were involved too? Ben, I think your head got scrambled and you just had a very intense dream.”

Fraser still looked confused. “It seemed so real, Ray. I suppose you’re right though. Everything is so jumbled up in my head right now that nothing makes much sense. Besides..." Fraser shrugged, "if someone were here last night, Diefenbaker wouldn’t have let them get far.” Fraser replied.

“Ben, Dief was with me.” Ray told him. "You really think someone was actually kissing you?"

"I don't know what I think.” Fraser turned around and moved to the other side of the counter in the kitchen. He turned around and faced Ray, anger and hurt mixing on his face. “ I thought it was you kissing me. And I thought the whole reason you came and got me was so you could keep an eye on me, make sure I was okay. Not leave in the middle of the night again." Hurt came out in Fraser's voice.

"Are you unhinged, Fraser?" Ray tried to keep his rising anger out of his voice. "Of course I wanted to make sure you were okay. I care about you, you freak." Ray closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This conversation had taken a downward spiral and was getting out of control. Ray opened his eyes and looked at Fraser. He could see the pain and hurt in Fraser's eyes.

"You think I'm crazy and I don't know what a real kiss feels like?" Fraser asked him, no longer trying to conceal the hurt he felt.

"No, Ben, I don't think you're crazy.” Ray met Fraser at the counter. He leaned forward and took Fraser’s hands in his own and rubbed soothing circles over them with his thumbs. “I think you took a nasty blow to your head yesterday and your marbles got jumbled. Listen, I'm sorry I had to leave last night, but it was only for a few hours and you were sound asleep. I was running behind and Dief needed to go out, so I just took him with me. _That gun guy_ is the whole reason you got hurt and if he wanted to talk, I was going to listen."

"Maybe the doctor was wrong and I do have a concussion." Fraser admitted somewhat defeated. "That would certainly explain my confusion."

"How is your head this morning?" Ray asked sympathetically.

"It hurts." Fraser admitted to Ray as he settled himself onto a barstool.

Ray took his hand and lifted Fraser’s chin until their eyes met. “Ben…”

“Okay… it hurts... _a lot_.” Fraser confessed.

"Well, you do have nine stitches back there."

"Well, it certainly feels like there is a herd of caribou migrating through my brain." Fraser said as he rubbed his forehead.

Ray chuckled. Leave it to Fraser to weave Canada into a head wound. "Why don't I make something to eat and you take a couple of pain pills. You going to be good enough to manage moving today?"

"I should be okay after the pills kick in. It isn’t like I have a lot of heavy things anyway. It shouldn't take too long."

Ray moved to the opposite side of the counter and stood behind Fraser, then rested his head on Fraser’s shoulder. "You know, we can wait a few days to move you. You already have your keys. Just rest for a couple of days and let your head heal. This is all my fault. I should have just told Welsh no deal, the bastard gets what he gets and stayed home to look after you. Then, when your mystery kisser showed up, I would have been here to fend them off." Ray settled his hands on Fraser’s shoulders and began to rub the tension away.

Fraser sighed contently. “If I would have just listened to you, _none_ of this would have happened in the first place.”

"Well, I keep trying to convince you listening to me is a good idea, but you’re so damn stubborn." Ray could feel Fraser tense up again underneath his hands. "I'm kidding, Ben. It's one of the many things I love about you." He felt Fraser relax, if just a little. Ray could tell the head injury was taking a toll on Fraser.

 

Ray made a quick breakfast. By the time they made their way to the Consulate to collect Fraser's belongings, Fraser's headache was almost non-existent. They packed quickly in order to beat the furniture company to the apartment.

 Constable Turnbull had a steady stream of packing tape ready to close off each newly packed box.  He couldn’t believe that Fraser was actually moving out of the Consulate. He had grown accustomed to seeing him first thing in the morning.

Ray was suprised at the few belongings Fraser did have. Hell, you couldn't fit his bathroom in the boxes that contained all of Fraser's things. ‘This won’t take long at all,’ Ray thought to himself.

 

“Well, that’s the last of your boxes, Fraser. Are you sure that’s all you have? Doesn’t seem like a whole lot. We did get everything from your office, right?” Ray asked while staring at the meager possessions.

“Yes, I am quite certain that is all of them.” Fraser looked around and appeared to take inventory in his head of the items in the boxes. “I lost most of my belongings when my first apartment was burned while I was home on vacation.”

“I’m sorry, Frase. I forgot.” Ray put his hand on Fraser’s shoulder and gave it a quick squeeze and then a gentle pat. “Is there anything you need yet?”

“No, I don’t believe there is anything else. I don’t need much, Ray. It’s just Diefenbaker and I.”

“You could have just moved in with me, you know.” Ray slid up next to Fraser and placed an arm around his waist and pulled him close. “I have plenty of room. Besides, I kind of like having the fur- face around.”

“That is a very kind offer, but I couldn’t impose.” Fraser explained.

“Fraser, it’s not imposing.”

“This will suit us just fine.  It is located halfway between the Consulate and the police station. And from what I have gathered from the other tenants, it’s a very nice place to live.”

“Meeting the neighbors already, are we? Hey, how’s the head doing? You need another dose of pills yet?” Ray asked him concerned.

“I’m beginning to develop a slight headache and the stitches are starting to itch somewhat.”

“Yeah, that’s all part of the healing process, I’m afraid. Listen, are you okay? You were really quiet yesterday after we left the hospital, and that’s not like you. I usually can’t get you to shut up.”

“I really talk that much?” Fraser asked bewildered.

“Yes, well, _sometimes_ you do. But yesterday, you were unusually quiet.”

“I’m fine, Ray. Just, doing some thinking.”

“Yeah, ‘bout what?” Ray asked.

“Well, you said some things yesterday that I thought, perhaps, I should think about.” Fraser explained

“Like, unnecessary risks, wait for back- up…that kind of thing?” Ray questioned.

“Yes, something along those lines.” What Fraser really wanted to tell Ray was that it was his sentence, ‘I care far too much about you…’ that held him unusually quiet. He cared for Ray a great deal and their new relationship wasn’t something he was willing to sacrifice by being stubborn. But did that mean he would have to sacrifice how he did his job? Fraser was rather torn between the two.

“Frase, you okay?” Ray studied his friends face and could tell that Fraser had drifted off a few miles thinking. “Ben…” Ray tried again.

Startled back to the present, Fraser quickly tried to focus. “I’m sorry, Ray. I seem to have gotten lost in my own thoughts again.”

“I asked if you were ok,” Ray repeated.

“Yes, I’m okay. I’m just… I’m not very good at relationships, Ray. I worry that I’m going to screw up what we have together by being what you refer to as ‘stubborn’.” Fraser took a few steps away from Ray and turned around to face him. “I don’t want to lose what we have, but at the same time… I don’t know how to not perform my duties as I always have. I worry I won’t be able to find a happy medium.”

“Ben, I’m not asking you to choose between me and doing your job to the best of your ability. Everyone knows you’re a damn good cop. Hell, you’re one of the best. I don’t expect you to change how you do your job. I’m just asking you to stop and wait for your partner to catch up to your speed of thinking.” Ray stepped towards Fraser and placed both hands on his shoulders.  He looked him square in the eyes. “I’m not as quick on my toes as you and it takes me a few more steps to get in sync with you. But, when we are in sync… _we are the strongest duet_ , and I’m not talking about just work here, Ben.”

Ray inched closer and Fraser met him for a kiss. Their lips came alive and they were soon devouring each other.

Fraser grabbed Ray’s t-shirt and pulled him flush against his chest. He worked a hand under Ray’s snug cotton shirt, caressing his way towards Ray’s back to pull him even closer. In return, Ray snaked one hand around Fraser’s neck and started to work the other hand around the opposite side to pull their faces closer together. He didn’t get far with the second hand. The moment his slender fingers touched Fraser’s wound, Fraser let out a hiss.

Ray dropped his hands to his sides quickly then took two steps back. “Shit, I’m sorry, Ben… I forgot.”

Fraser tenderly touched the back of his head where the stitches were located. “It’s okay, Ray. I didn’t realize how tender it still was.” Fraser looked at Ray and saw apprehension on his face. Fraser softened his voice and reached out for Ray. “I’m okay, really. He pulled Ray in and kissed him lightly. He began to deepen the kiss when they were interrupted with a knock at the door.

“Damn…” Fraser cursed. “That would be the furniture company.” He gave Ray another quick kiss before releasing him and heading towards the door.

 

The men from the furniture company moved everything into the apartment as Ray and Fraser shoved boxes out of the way to make room. The delivery men left and Fraser and Ray spent the next few hours arranging the furnishings and assembling the bedframe. Fraser began to open up a few boxes to unpack and stopped suddenly. He looked at Ray and sighed.

Ray looked at him worried. “What’s wrong, Ben?”

“Nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to say thank- you for all of your help today.” Fraser appeared exhausted. “Do you mind if we stop for today?”

“Hey, that’s what buddies are for, helping each other out. And no, we can stop. You look tired anyway. You want to order in?” Ray asked.

“That would be lovely.” Fraser answered, exhaustion written on his face.

“Oh, and before I forget… Frannie and I both got you something.” Ray tossed Fraser his cell phone. “Here, you order a pizza, extra pineapple, and I will run out to the car and get your gifts. It’s kind of like a house warming thing. I’ll also take Dief out.”

 Ray calls for Diefenbaker. The half- wolf had been hiding in the bedroom away from all the moving activity taking place in the apartment. The two head out to the car and Ray retrieves the gifts for Fraser, while Diefenbaker visits the nearby bushes. When they return, Fraser had already ordered the pizza and was relaxing on his new couch. Ray sits down next to him as Dief settles at his Feet.

“It’s not much.” He confesses to Fraser.

 

Ray handed Fraser the first gift bag from Francesca. “Careful, she probably gift wrapped herself in there.” Ray chuckled, this had to be good. Fraser carefully opened the bag and unwrapped two ceramic coffee mugs. The first was a shimmery olive green with specks of midnight blue, deep crimson red and golden yellow scattered across its smooth surface. ‘It would hold a generous cup of coffee’, Ray thought, secretly claiming it for himself. He knew he would be at the apartment a lot now that he and Fraser were in a relationship and it would be a great way to start off his morning, drinking coffee out of that mug. The second mug, a dark silvery blue that almost matched Fraser’s blue eyes, would be perfect for Fraser’s tea. “Wow, those are beautiful, Fraser. What does her card say?”

“It says, ‘Welcome home, Fraser. Here are two mugs, one for your tea and one for Ray’s coffee. You two spend way too much time together.’ What a lovely gesture. I will have to thank her when I go to the station tomorrow.”

“Ok, this ones from me, but I didn’t get you a sappy card or anything.” Ray hands Fraser his gift bag and Fraser opens it slowly.

“This is all very thoughtful of you Ray, but you really didn’t have to get me anything.” Fraser looked at Ray before opening the gift bag. He stole a quick kiss before continuing.

Fraser opened the package and revealed a stainless steel blue tea pot. Before he could respond and thank Ray, he heard Ray’s quick talking break the silence.

“I noticed every time you made tea at the consulate it was out of something that looked like my grandmother would have used and I thought, ‘Surely that’s not his’ and I asked Turnbull one day and he told me that you had never replaced the one you had lost to the fire and you just used the Consulate’s and that you had been meaning to get a new one you just hadn’t don’t it yet. I hope you like it.”

“Ray, it’s beautiful. Thank you very much.”

 “Well, I couldn’t have you going without your tea. Do you think Francesca is on to us, yet? I know we haven’t exactly had a chance to tell anyone.”

“I believe Francesca is a smart woman and it wouldn’t surprise me one bit if she thought something was going on between the two of us. Why else would she give me two mugs and say one was for you?” Fraser looked at Ray and cocked his head. “Let’s tell her tomorrow, see how well she really knows us.” He winked at Ray and got him laughing. Fraser pulled Ray close and their mouths met for a soft and sensual kiss. Fraser broke the kiss and looked into Ray’s blue green eyes. He was about to say something when he was startled by a knock on the door.

“Damn…” Ray swore. “Pizza guy’s here.”

 

Fraser made his way to the door and opened it for the delivery man. He stood there shocked as he locked eyes with Ray’s friend Jimmy. Jimmy looked just as shocked as Fraser.

“Well, that’s the nicest surprise I’ve had all evening.” Jimmy said smugly. His face held a sly grin as he leaned against the doorframe. “Looks like I’ve got a pizza here for you, Benton.” Jimmy continued with a wink at Fraser.

“What are you doing here?” Fraser asked. He was still in shock at the arrival of Jimmy.

Ray was still sitting on the couch when he heard the familiar voice. He turned around, saw Jimmy in the doorway and was on his feet in an instant heading towards the door.

Ray was instantly angry and Fraser braced himself for a fight.


	7. Partners

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of the great feedback! A special thanks to Vic32 for your wonderful sentence that helped push me through a tough spot. I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint. Enjoy and as always, feedback is more than welcome .

“ _You asshole!”_ Ray screamed in the direction of the door. “ _How dare you!”_ Ray was pointing his finger at Jimmy while he was quickly taking strides towards the door. “ _You promised me…”_

Fraser quickly stepped in front of Ray to stop him from advancing any further. He grabbed him around the waist and pulled him back away from the door and a smug Jimmy.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Ray and it’s sixteen eighty for the pizza, Benton." Jimmy replied to Ray but never took his eyes off Fraser.

"Ray, stop... and _calm down!"_ Fraser sternly told Ray as he continued holding him back. "We don't need someone calling the cops."

" _I am the cops, Fraser! Now, let go of me.”_ Ray continued to struggle against Fraser’s strong grip. Fraser shoved him back into the apartment forcefully. He jabbed a finger into Ray’s chest and stared hard at him.

“ _You_ … stay here. Dief… don’t let Ray move.” Fraser instructed both Ray and the deaf wolf. Diefenbaker trod over and sat directly in front of Ray and let out a low growl.

“Whose side are you on, Dief? Ray snarled back to the wolf.

Fraser walked back to the door, where Jimmy was leaning casually against the doorframe. He gave him a twenty for the pizza and Jimmy handed over the pie with extra pineapple.

“I believe that Ray has a few things that he would like to say to you, Jimmy. But, as you can see, now is probably not the best time for that conversation to take place. Unless of course, you want to end up with a few broken bones.”

“Let me kick him in the head, Fraser!” Ray yelled over Dief. He began to take a step forward and Diefenbaker stood up and growled at Ray, effectively stopping his advancement.

Fraser turned around and glared at Ray. “ _You… zip it!”_ He turned to Face Jimmy again.

In a voice that was much calmer than he felt, Fraser said to Jimmy, “So, I suggest that you meet him at his apartment first thing tomorrow morning. The two of you can talk when he is much calmer. And, if you would kindly give me his key… I believe he would like for you to find a different place to spend the night.”

Jimmy took his keys out of his pocket and worked Ray’s key off the circle. He handed it over to Fraser reluctantly.

“Thank you kindly.” Fraser said to Jimmy as he accepted the key from him. He slipped the key into his back pocket.

“Yeah, I’ve got a few things I’d like to say to him as well.” Jimmy replied staring hard at Ray. He turned his gaze towards Fraser. “ I may have a few things to say to you as well.”

“Well, _come on_. Let’s get it all out in the open now. Why wait until tomorrow, huh?” Ray’s anger was coming through his voice loud and clear. He began to move forward again and stopped when Diefenbaker stood up and growled once again. “ _What is with you_ , _Die_ f _?_ "

"Ray, that is _not_ a good idea. You need to calm down and I'm sure Jimmy here needs to get back to delivering pizzas."

"Actually, now is a perfect time. Yours was my last delivery. I'm off for the night." Jimmy replied.

Jimmy pushed past Fraser who tried stopping him but had his hands full of pizza. He shut the door with his foot and quickly deposited the pizza on the kitchen counter.

Jimmy was standing in the living room glaring at Ray. He had thought about advancing further but stopped when he caught sight of Dief growling. He wasn’t in the mood to get bitten by the wolf.

“ _You_ …” Ray began as he pointed his finger in Jimmy’s direction. “I let you into _my home_ and you thank me by hitting on Fraser?”

“I was unaware that the two of you were seeing each other. You never mentioned that to me when you introduced us.” Jimmy replied calmly. “How was I to know that he was attached?”

“ _He came out of my bedroom!”_ Ray screamed at Jimmy. “God, you couldn’t take a hint from that?”

"Gentleman, please... we are all adults here. Let's all take a deep breath and start over." Fraser tried to get some semblance of order. He needed to get control of this situation soon.

“You know what Jimmy? It’s just like the last time when you made a pass at Stella. I tried to be your friend again, but you never learn do you? Just because you’re an all-time loser, who never amounted to anything and couldn’t find your own person to love, you think you can just go after someone else’s boyfriend. Well, not this time _… no way_. There’s not going to be a repeat of last time. Get out of my life. Don’t come back and stay the hell away from Fraser.” Ray demanded.

“I think that Benton can make up his own mind who he wants to see Ray, and I don’t think that you can make that decision for him. Boy, could I tell him some things about you that would make his skin crawl,” Jimmy replied.

“And after what you’ve pulled you think he’s going to choose _you_?” Ray asked in disbelief. "You would think after 12 years you would have grown up, but you never change Jimmy."

"I'm sorry Ray. I didn't even know you were gay. Does your mom _even know?_ " Jimmy replied still calm.

Dumbfounded, Ray stared at Jimmy. "I'm not gay."

"Really? So, you're what... _experimenting?_ That's hardly fair to Benton." Jimmy laughed as he stepped closer to Fraser then trailed a finger up his arm.

Fraser pushed Jimmy’s hand off his arm with disgust. He stepped away from him at once.

“I believe that I can speak for myself and tell you, Jimmy, that I am only interested in Ray.” Fraser said to Jimmy as Jimmy stepped closer to him once again. “And although I’m flattered that you appear to have taken an interest in me, I love Ray and I am not interested in pursuing a relationship with anyone else.”

“Maybe this will change your mind, Benton.” Jimmy took two lightening quick steps forward and pulled a startled Fraser in for a kiss. It was fierce and bruising. Fraser didn’t have time to stop it before it happened.

Fraser finally found his bearings and shoved Jimmy back with such force, his back hit the wall. He wiped his hand across his mouth, repulsed and tried to catch his breath. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of Ray. Time seemed to stand still as he watched Ray react.

Ray had had enough. He looked down at Diefenbaker and then back at Fraser who stood there in shock. Dief stood up and turned around to face Jimmy and stepped to the side. Ray had moved so fast Fraser didn't have time to react and Jimmy was so focused on keeping himself upright against the wall, he never saw Ray's fist as it connected with his jaw. The boxer within Ray had just come to life.

 Jimmy staggered to the side a few steps and regained his balance.

“ _You fucking weasel!”_ Ray punched Jimmy again. Fraser recovered from the shock of being kissed and pulled a still swinging Ray off of Jimmy.

_“Ray, please! Get a hold of yourself!”_ Fraser begged. He got a solid grip on Ray’s shirt and shoved him to the other side of the living room and instructed Dief to guard him. He turned around and glared at Jimmy. Fraser was angry and Ray knew it.

_“You…”_ Fraser shouted uncharacteristically. _“Get the hell out!_ I have no interest in you and I don’t want to ever see you here again.”

"A simple no would have been sufficient, Benton. No need to get hostile." Jimmy opened the door and turned before he walked out. “See you around.”

“I wouldn’t count on it,” Fraser replied as he slammed the door. He turned around and leaned heavily against it... He tipped his head back until it hit the door, then he closed his eyes. His head was throbbing. Ray winced at the impact.

Fraser lowered his head and locked eyes with Ray from across the room. "You know, I _really_ don't like your friend, Ray."

“Yeah, well, that makes two of us. Now, would you please call off Dief? He’s starting to scare me.” Ray looked at the half-wolf and was afraid to move.

“Diefenbaker…”  Fraser called. Ray could hear the exhaustion in Fraser’s voice. Dief looked at Fraser then up at Ray. He got up from his position as guard and wandered into the bedroom.

“Thanks…” Ray began as he made his way towards Fraser.  “Listen, I’m sorry. I guess I was angrier at him than I thought. It’s just… God, I saw him standing there all smug and staring at you like the damn cat that ate the canary and I… I just lost it.”

“Thank God no one called the cops, Ray.” Fraser replied, still leaning against the door.

“I am the cops… you want me to arrest myself for defending you?” Ray asked.

“No, but a little self-control next time would be much appreciated. How’s your hand?” Fraser asked Ray.

“It hurts... but it was _worth it_. I wish I would have hit him harder… knocked out a few teeth maybe.”  Ray replied with a wink. He suddenly began to laugh.

“What's so funny? I'm finding no humor in this situation.” Fraser replied confused and irritated.

“I don’t think I have ever heard you yell before.” Ray replied flabbergasted.

“Well, it isn’t something I do often.” Fraser countered as he made his way into the kitchen. He opened up the pizza box and looked at Ray. “I’m suddenly not very hungry for pizza. Do you care if we order something else, Chinese perhaps?”

“As long as Jimmy doesn’t deliver it, I don’t care.”

That brought a smile to Fraser's face, if just for a moment.

 

Fraser and Ray opted to go out for a few hours and eat their dinner at the restaurant. They left Diefenbaker at the apartment with the uneaten pizza. He was sure to be a happy wolf when they returned. They enjoyed the time out together as a couple, stealing glances and holding hands. It still felt a bit odd to Fraser to put your affections on display, but Ray didn’t seem to care who saw them and that helped make him more comfortable.

Fraser and Ray left the restaurant and began walking towards Fraser’s apartment. Ray surprised Fraser by taking hold of his hand and intertwining their fingers. Fraser looked at Ray and smiled then squeezed Ray’s hand, pulling him close.

 “I’m really sorry, Ben… about all of today.” Ray grew serious. “This morning when you were upset about your mystery kisser, I wasn’t very supportive and then the fiasco with Jimmy. I’m sorry…”

“It wasn’t all bad. I believe there were a few moments that we can still call memorable.” Fraser leaned into Ray and stole a kiss. “I’m sorry that Jimmy didn’t turn out to be a better friend.”

“Yeah well, he wasn’t a great friend back in the day. I hardly expected him to turn into one now, but I also didn’t expect him to put the moves on you either. Hell, I didn’t even know he was into guys.”

“Can we talk about something other than Jimmy, please?” Fraser inquired.

“Sure, what would you like to talk about?” Ray questioned.

Fraser stopped walking and pulled Ray to a stop in front of him. His expression grew serious and he took hold of Ray’s free hand in his own and squeezed them both. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“I need to know if this is more than just experimenting for you.” Fraser was shaking as he spoke. “I need to know that what we share means something to more than just me.  As I told you, I’m not good at relationships. It’s always been rather difficult for me to learn to trust people.”

“Ben, how can you ask that? You know I care about you. Is it because of what Jimmy said and me telling him I’m not gay?”

Fraser shook his head but didn’t answer. He looked away from Ray, unwilling to look him in the eye. He suddenly felt like he had betrayed him by asking such a question.

“Ben, look at me.” Ray whispered. “I’m not gay because you’re the only guy I’m interested in, the only guy I will ever be interested in. I’m not attracted to other men… I’m attracted to you. Does that even make sense? Our relationship means everything to me.”

"I just need to know that I’m not in this alone. I know as partners, I don’t always give you a chance to keep up with me and I accept that I need to work on that. But I need to know that you’re not going to give up on me either when I don’t get it right." Fraser stared at Ray and grew quiet waiting for Ray to respond. The silence was deafening between them.

“Ben…” Ray began, then paused and collected his thoughts. “When I took this undercover gig, I was told my _unofficial_ partner was a Mountie and I thought ‘What the hell does that mean? And what’s a Mountie doing in Chicago anyway?’ I had to go through all of Vecchio’s case files that you were involved in to get a feel of _your_ partnership.  I had to see what the two of you were like and figure out how to make it work between _us_. Then, you walked through those doors and it was game on, time to play the part. You and I… we just clicked.” Ray smiled. “And then…”

“We became a duet.” Fraser finished Ray’s sentence, reading his mind.

“Yeah, Ben… we became a duet. I’m in this all the way with you.”

Fraser let go of Ray’s hands. He snaked one hand around Ray’s neck and pulled his face in for a deep kiss. Ray parted his lips and allowed Fraser’s tongue to slip in with ease. Unlike Jimmy’s kiss that was fierce and bruising, Ray kissed Fraser with passion. Ray pulled Fraser closer to him until their bodies were pressed flushed against the other.

“Let’s go home,” Fraser whispered into Ray’s ear. “I want to see you naked in my new bed.”

Ray snickered in response. “The Mountie can yell _and_ talk dirty. I learned something new today.”

 

 Fraser and Ray walked hand in hand back to the apartment. They opened the door and found Diefenbaker lying on the kitchen floor staring at the pizza box, which still contained a whole pizza.

“I guess Dief didn’t want Jimmy’s pizza either.” Ray commented as he picked up the box and dumped the contents into a trash bag. He rubbed Dief’s head and quietly promised him he would sneak him a doughnut at the station in the morning.

Fraser found the correct box that contained the new bedding and Ray helped him make the king sized bed. Fraser looked up and saw Ray staring at the newly made bed. He was wearing a lopsided grin.

“What’s so funny, Ray?” Fraser asked seriously.

“This bed is so much bigger than that cot you used to sleep on.” Ray looked up and locked onto Fraser’s blue eyes. “You’re going to need a map to find your way in and out of it.”

Fraser climbed up on the bed and crawled across to where Ray was standing at the opposite side. He sat down on the backs of his feet and took Ray’s hands and pulled him forward.

“Perhaps you can be my guide, Ray… _keep me_ from getting lost.”


	8. Changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone following this story and for all of your support and great feedback! Now that the dsss is live, I can concentrate on 'Hesitate' once again. I own all mistakes. Enjoy and feel free to leave me your feedback!

Ray slowly opened his eyes and took in the sight of Fraser sound asleep next to him. From the dim light coming in the window, Ray guessed it was still fairly early in the morning. 'Probably not even 5 am.' He thought to himself. He took his hand from under the covers and traced along Fraser’s forehead and down his tanned right cheek stopping at the small scar along his jawline. He rubbed a thumb gently across it, wondering what it was from.  Ray trailed his finger across to Fraser’s lips and lightly brushed his finger over them. He leaned forward slowly and kissed Fraser softly. He pulled back to gauge Fraser’s reaction. He loved this man.

Fraser moaned in his sleep. He shifted slightly and draped his right arm over Ray’s naked hips. He breathed in deeply and settled further into his pillow.

Ray smiled contently. He cupped Fraser’s cheek in his hand and kissed him again, longer and with more passion. He worked his hand to the back of Fraser’s head, mindful of his injury and pulled him closer. Fraser parted his lips and gave Ray access. Ray deepened the kiss. He worked his tongue into Fraser’s mouth and Fraser’s tongue met his and welcomed it in.

Ray pressed his hand into Fraser’s shoulder and rolled him to his back. He slid his lean frame over Fraser’s body and slipped his left leg over Fraser’s thighs running his foot down his leg until he was lying on top of Fraser. Ray cupped Fraser's face with both hands and resumed his kiss.

Fraser shifted underneath him and Ray knew the Mountie was aroused. Fraser’s growing erection came into contact with his and Ray let out a gasp.  “Ben… oh, god.”

Fraser opened his eyes a fraction and Ray could see thin slits of steel blue. “Good morning, Ray,” he whispered.

“Technically, it’s not morning yet, Frase.” Ray whispered into his ear then placed kisses along his collarbone. He ran his hands down Fraser’s smooth muscular chest and back up again. Ray slid his legs to either side of Fraser’s hips and settled himself more firmly on top of Fraser. “How do I compare to your mystery kisser?”

Fraser let out another moan and shifted to get more friction between them. He tipped his head further back into his pillow, allowing Ray easier access to his neck. Ray was busy placing butterfly kisses along his collarbone, up his neck and towards the sensitive spot behind each ear, earning himself a moan with each new kiss. “Much… much better,” Fraser breathed out.

Fraser kneaded the muscles in Ray’s back. He wrapped his feet around Ray's ankles, resting them on the backs of Ray's heels. He arched his hips into Ray's and Ray let out his own moan of pleasure.

"Ben..." Ray gasped into Fraser's ear. "Did you mean it?"

Puzzled, Fraser squinted his eyes and looked at Ray. "Mean what, Ray?"

Ray hesitated and locked eyes with Fraser. He shifted again and received another moan from Fraser. He kissed Fraser hard before replying.

"You told Jimmy you loved me..." Ray hesitantly replied. "Did you mean it?" His eyes were begging Fraser for an answer just as his own growing erection was begging for release.

" _Yes..._ I love you, Ray, very much so."

"Make love to me, Ben?" Ray asked.

"Yes." Fraser answered him and flipped their positions.

The morning sunlight cast shadows of the two men against the far the wall. The two became one with the rising sun.

 

Ray woke up to the wonderful scent of coffee. He found his clothes scattered across the floor of Fraser's bedroom. Slipping on his t-shirt and jeans, he made his way towards the aroma that smelled heavenly... ‘Thank you Lord for creating the coffee bean,’ he thought to himself. He found Fraser in the kitchen unwrapping packed boxes of dishes and placing them in a sink of soapy water to be washed before being put away.

Ray slid up behind him and wrapped his long arms around his waist. He placed soft kisses on the back of Fraser's neck before releasing him. "Good morning, Ben."

"Good morning, Ray. I took the liberty of making you some coffee." Fraser poured Ray a steaming cup and handed it to him. He leaned against the counter.

Ray accepted the mug then took a seat at the kitchen table. He grinned when he realized Fraser had used the green mug with the colored flecks from Frannie for his coffee. He also noticed Fraser rubbing his forehead. "You okay there, Ben?" he asked as he scanned the table for something sweet to add to his coffee.

"Yes, I'm fine. Just have a touch of a headache." He answered as he handed Ray a small package of M&M's.

Ray smiled and accepted the candy. "Why don't you take a pill?" He asked as he dumped the colored candies into his coffee. He bagan scanning the table again.

"I don't like the way they make me feel." Fraser answered as he handed Ray a spoon.

"You like the way you feel when you don't take them? Which is worse? Take the pills, trust me you will feel better."

"I do trust you." Fraser admitted, a touch hurt.

"Then take a pill. You don't have to go to work today and I can help you unpack all these boxes so we can spend the rest of the day relaxing. It shouldn't take us too long working together.” Ray tried to encourage Fraser that a pill would help his headache.

“I’ll be fine, Ray. But I will accept your help with the boxes.” Fraser smiled at Ray and tried to keep from rubbing his throbbing temple.

“God, you’re stubborn, Fraser. Well, I can be stubborn too. If you don’t take a pill to help get rid of your headache… no sex for you.” Ray tipped his head as a final statement.

“You can’t be serious, Ray.” Fraser laughed lightly.

“You really want to test out that theory? You’re not the only one who can be stubborn.” Ray said with a determined look on his face.

“Very well, Ray. One stubborn person around here is enough.”

Fraser relented and took a pill. Within the hour his headache was gone.

 

Fraser and Ray spend the next four hours unpacking boxes and finding the right spot for each of his belongings. Ray was watching the Mountie closely for signs of fatigue and after the fifth stifled yawn from Fraser, he broke the silence.

“Ok, Fraser, enough for today. You’re falling asleep on your feet and my back is beginning to hurt. How about we go and grab a bite to eat. We need a change of scenery and maybe a walk with do both of us some good… wake you up and straighten out my back.” Ray stood up from his box, holding a book that still needed to be put on a shelf. He stared at Fraser and silently begged him to agree to be done.

Fraser looked at Ray and smiled. “Of course we can stop. I am getting hungry and Dief would love to go out for a walk as well.”

“Greatness!” Ray exclaimed. “Thought I was going to have to drag you away kicking and screaming.”

“I’m not a child, Ray. I can be reasonable.” Fraser stated both hurt and suddenly irritated at Ray.

Ray dropped the book back into the box and walked over to Fraser. He took the blankets Fraser was holding and tossed them onto the couch and pulled him in for a long kiss. Fraser let his shoulders drop and the kiss seemed to take away his built up tension. Ray finally released his lips when he ran out of air.

“I was only teasing, Ben. I know you’re not a child. I’m sorry.” Ray apologized. He hadn’t meant to hurt Fraser’s feelings.

“No, I’m the one who should be sorry. I can’t seem to take a simple joke. Let’s go and get something to eat.” Fraser tugged on Rays arm as he grabbed his keys off the counter to lock the door on the way out.

Fraser worked the locked as Ray watched a parade of furniture pass by Fraser’s door.

“Looks like you’re getting a new neighbor, Frase.” Ray stated.

Fraser followed Ray’s gaze towards the people moving the furnishings down the hall. “Ah yes… it would appear so. I will have to stop and introduce myself when they get settled. Shall we?” Fraser nodded towards the exit and the two were off to lunch.

 

They had lunch at a small deli a few blocks from the park where Fraser and Dief took their morning runs. Ray surprised Fraser by ordering something healthy. Fraser looked at him and smiled.

“What?” Ray asked as he shoved his last bit into his mouth and washed it down with his bottled water.

“Nothing… it’s just that you rarely eat anything that remotely resembles healthy food.” Fraser replied, still stunned at Rays food choice.

“Well, see… I figured if I wanted to live long enough to have a future with you, I had better start eating better. It’s not that I don’t like healthy food, I just like unhealthy food more." Ray shrugged. "I'll try to more compar... compas..comprimising if you try to be less stubborn."

Fraser just stared at Ray. He looked like something had suddenly distracted him. Ray wasn’t sure what was going on with the Mountie, so he quickly continued.

"Unlesss of course, you dont want me as part of your future. And if that’s the case, then I think we need to talk about what we're doing here because I thought we were both in this together.” Ray stood in front of Fraser, feeling completely vulnerable.

 Fraser’s attention was suddenly brought back to the present.

“Ah good, you’re back with me.” Ray said dryly and frustrated. “What is with you the last few days? It’s like you’re somewhere else all of a sudden.”

“Forgive me, Ray. I believe between the _almost_ concussion, which I believe _was_ a concussion and the arrival of Jimmy, I am a bit out of sorts.” Fraser tried to explain. “I appreciate your efforts to try and eat healthier to prolong your future with me and I will work on my being stubborn.”

“So, no backing out? We’re still in this together?” Ray asked unsure.

Fraser took Ray’s hands and laced their fingers and pulled him close so they were chest to chest. He brought their combined hands up and covered his heart with them. Being almost the same height, he could stare directly into Ray’s blue- green eyes. He took a deep breath, held it, then slowly let it out. “You mean everything to me and I plan on sticking with you for a very long time. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be, than with you.” Fraser angled his head and kissed Ray slowly.

Ray pulled back an inch and whispered. “Really?”

“Yes, re _ally,”_ Fraser whispered back and this time Ray captured his lips in a kiss.

“Let’s go back to my place.” Ray suggested with a tug of his hand in the direction of his apartment.

“But your car is at my place, Ray. Wouldn’t it make more sense to go back and retrieve it now, while we are close?” Fraser asked.

“There you go with that over-thinking thing again. If we go get the car now, then I can’t walk to work with you tomorrow. Besides, it will give me an excuse to follow you home tomorrow afternoon.” Ray exclaimed with a gleam in his eye.

“But…” Fraser began but was cut off quickly.

“No buts… Frase. You’re overanalyzing. Just _go_ with it.” Ray was now talking with his hands and he had added a bounce to his step and a smile to his face.

“Ah, understood, Ray.” Fraser smiled in return, took Ray’s hand in his own and the two began the long walk to Ray’s apartment. Fraser looked around for Diefenbaker who had run off chasing the squirrels and called for him. Dief came almost immediately.

“Are you sure he’s really deaf?” Ray asked, giving Dief pat to the head when he came bounding over.

“Well, I believe he plays me on occasion.” Fraser looked at Dief who sat down and stared back at him and then yipped loudly. “And he expects a doughnut from you for thinking such a thing.” Fraser replied to Ray.

“I’ll see what I can come up with when we get back.” Ray rubbed Dief’s scruff and the three made their way to Ray’s apartment.

 

When they arrived at Ray’s apartment building Ray slowed his steps. He saw Jimmy leaning against the framed entrance to the lobby. If Ray saw Jimmy, he was sure Fraser saw him. It wasn’t two steps later that Fraser had noticed him as well. He stopped walking and pulled Ray to a stop.

“What’s he doing here?” Fraser asked Ray.

“I don’t know.” Ray replied, irritated at Jimmy’s arrival. “Only one way to find out… come one.” He motioned for Fraser who was reluctant to follow.

 

Seeing Ray and Fraser walking towards the apartment building, Jimmy straightened himself. He took one last puff off his cigarette and dropped it to the ground putting it out with the toe of his shoe. He opened his mouth to speak and Ray quickly cut him off.

“What the hell are you doing here? I thought we made it perfectly clear that you were to leave us alone and be on your way.” Ray raised his voice and yelled at Jimmy. His calm demeanor gone at the sight of his old friend.

Jimmy put his hands up defensively. “Back off, Ray. I only stopped by to pick up a few things I had left here before Benton took your key from me. I came back to get them last night but you weren’t home. I’m not here to cause problems.”

“Alright, fine. Come on… one wayward eye and we let the wolf eat you.” Ray warned Jimmy.

“Where’s your car?” Jimmy asked Ray.

“I left it at Fraser’s place. What’s it to you?” Ray asked.

“Just curious is all.” Jimmy replied.

 

Fraser  and Diefenbaker followed the two men from a distance up the stairs and into Ray’s apartment. Ray ordered Jimmy to get his belongings together quickly.

“I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry that things didn’t work out, Ray.” Jimmy began to apologize to Ray.

“Yeah well… if you would have just left things alone that don’t belong to you, we could've still been friends.” Ray told him.

“You have yourself quite the catch. Better hold on to him tight. Rest assured, I’m not the only one looking at him.”

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ray questioned.

"Nothing, except Benton's a good looking guy with amazing blue eyes that just make your knees go weak. I'm sure I'm not the only one that's noticed." Jimmy walked over to Fraser and stretched out his hand. "It was a pleasure to meet you, Benton."

Fraser reluctantly accepted his handshake but didn't have anything to say in return. Diefenbaker let out a low growl until Fraser released Jimmy's hand.

"I see the cat still has your tongue." Jimmy winked at Fraser then turned to Ray. "I checked out that mechanic job you told me about and I start next week. Thanks"

"What about the ..." Ray began to question.

Jimmy cut him off. "The pizza gig was just to make some quick cash. I've got an apartment lined up and I should be moved in by this afternoon."

“That’s good. Keep yourself out of trouble Jimmy. I am a cop, remember.” Ray shook Jimmy’s hand and showed him the door. When Ray closed the door and turned around, Fraser had a pack of cigarettes in his hand.

“What’s that?” Ray questioned.

“I thought you said you weren’t smoking.” Fraser held up the pack of cigarettes to show Ray.

“I’m not. Those must be Jimmy’s. I told you, I haven’t smoked in years.” Ray replied and made his way over to Fraser.

Fraser opened the pack of cigarettes and smelled them before pulling one out.

“Ewww… what are you doing?” Ray cringed.

“Fraser stopped sniffing the cigarette long enough to answer. “ All too often, Ray we fail to use all of our senses. For example, I can tell if you’ve been drinking, simply by licking your skin.” Fraser went back to smelling the cigarette.

“That’s… _gross_.” Ray replied then watched as Fraser licked the cigarette. “Now what are you doing? Why do you have to lick it?”

Fraser paled, took another look at the cigarette box and placed it back on the end table.

“What’s wrong? Taste something your Mountie taste buds were expecting?” Ray laughed lightly.

“No… it’s uh… well, I don’t think my dream was actually a dream.” Fraser stared blankly at Ray.

“What are you talking about? Your mystery kisser was real? And you know this by licking a cigarette?” Ray asked not totally convinced.

“I believe it was Jimmy.” Fraser replied slowly.

“What? How’s that?” Ray wondered.

“Well, I remembered the tobacco taste from that night and then when he kissed me at my apartment, I think I was too stunned to put two and two together. And from the taste of these cigarettes, it is the same. His hands too, they felt the same when he shook my hand.”

Ray was agitated. “ _That fucking bastard!_ I’m gonna kill him!” Ray screamed as he ran his hand through his hair.

“Ray… language, _please_. It’s over and done with and he’s gone now. Nothing else to worry about.” Fraser tried to assure Ray.

“Sorry… I just can’t stand people like him. How about we get a movie, pop some popcorn and spend the rest of the night on the couch?” Ray picked up the cigarettes and tossed them in the trash. “And put Jimmy behind us.” Ray wrapped his arms around Fraser and pulled him in for a kiss.

“Will there be kissing involved on said couch?” Fraser asked teasingly.

“Absolutely _… definitely_ kissing. Ray purred into Fraser’s ear and kissed him again.

“What are we waiting for then? Shall we…?” Fraser motioned towards the couch.  “Oh… and I almost forgot.” Fraser slipped his hand into his front jeans pocket and pulled out a key. “He looked at Ray and his eyes softened. “This is for you.”

“You’re giving me back my key from Jimmy? I thought maybe you would keep it.” Ray admitted.

Fraser grinned. “No, I kept that key. This is my apartment key. I thought now that you had all that _extra_ room on your key ring, you would have room for it.” Fraser handed the key to Ray. “Perhaps you will hold on to me as well for a long time. It’s not like I’m going anywhere anytime soon.” Fraser kissed Ray deeply.

“Oh, I’m holding on to you for a _very_ long time… Freak.” Ray laughed and kissed Fraser again.

“Understood, Ray.” Fraser replied as he dragged him to the couch.

The two spent the remainder of the evening locked in each other’s embrace on the couch. The movie played silently in the background as they memorized each other’s features in more intimate detail. When Ray had nodded off for the third time in ten minutes, Fraser woke him and the two moved to Ray’s bed and fell asleep tangled together.

 

When morning came, Ray and Fraser showered together. ‘To conserve water.’ Ray had said with a sly wink. It was back to work for the both of them. Fraser had his morning duties at the consulate and Ray had a stack of paperwork that had his name written all over it. They shared a quick breakfast over tea and coffee and made their way to their respective jobs.

Ray gave Fraser a quick kiss on the steps of the Consulate before making his way to the 2-7.

“I will meet you later at the precinct.” Fraser kissed Ray and made his way into the Consulate, while Ray turned and made his way to his own desk at the police station.

 

Fraser had arrived at the Consulate early to get a start on his daily reports so he could perhaps meet Ray in the early afternoon. He prepared himself a cup of tea and was making his way towards his office located in the rear of the Consulate, when he passed Inspector Thatcher’s office and noticed that the light was already glowing underneath the closed door. ‘Well, that’s quite odd. Inspector Thatcher isn’t normally in for a few hours yet.’ Fraser was pondering whether to continue on to his own office or check to see if his superior was indeed already at work, when he heard her call his name.

“Constable Fraser, is that you? I need a moment of your time, please.” Fraser knocked on the door and announced his presence.

“Yes, Sir. Good, morning. Is there something I can be of assistance with this morning?” Fraser asked her.

“Good, it is you. I have some news for you.” Inspector Thatcher replied.

“News, Sir? What kind of news?” Fraser’s interest was piqued. What kind of news could she have this early in the morning already?

“Yes, Fraser…good news, even. I have been given permission to finally tell you that you have been given your own posting back in Canada. You will be in charge of a depot. I believe it is close to where your cabin is located. They want you there within the next two weeks to get settled in and get things more or less in order.”

Fraser stood in front of Inspector Thatcher’s desk too stunned to speak.

“Well, isn’t this what you have been waiting for, Constable? I mean, how long have you been here in Chicago now, four years?”

“I’m sorry, Sir. I’m just, well…I’m shocked.”

“Yes, but this is a good thing for you, Fraser. Think of the advancement in rank, which comes with a pay raise and think of the police work you will be able to do again.”

“Sir, it’s not about the money and I do real police work here, working alongside Detective Vecchio.”

“Is there a problem Constable? I assumed you would be delighted to get out of Chicago and go back home.”

“No, Sir, there is no problem, however, are you not aware that I moved into an apartment this past weekend, for which I had to sign a one year lease?”

“I’m well aware of that Fraser and no need to worry, the RCMP will handle the lease for you. Now, I’m giving you the rest of the week off to get your affairs in order here in Chicago and then I want you to pack your bags and get on the first flight back to Canada next week.”

“What about my duties, here at the Consulate?”

 “Don’t worry about any of that, I will find a suitable replacement.” Inspector Thatcher had an answer for everything.

“And if I don’t want to take the posting?” Fraser asked with a little hope.

“Constable, this is your new assignment. There is no choice but to go back.”

“Understood, Sir.” Fraser replied stiffly.

“Dismissed, Constable.” Inspector Thatcher nodded.

 

Fraser left Inspector Thatcher’s office still in shock. After all of these years in Chicago, now they wanted him back in Canada. ‘What terrible timing,’ he thought to himself. _And what about Ray?_

 


	9. Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to all of the followers of this story. It has been a lot of fun to write. I thank you all for your comments and feedback. I own all mistakes and I'm only borrowing the guys.

Fraser suddenly felt like screaming. His world was crumbling into small pieces and he had no way of stopping it from happening. He had to leave, with no promise of returning for anything more than a visit here and there. He was going to have to give up his new home before it really even became a home and he was going to have to leave Ray. _His Ray_. First, he was banished from his own country for _fulfilling his duty_ as an officer of the law, and now, he was being banished from the man that he was most definitely in love with. Fraser needed air… he needed space. The Consulate walls were closing in on him and he was suffocating.

“Diefenbaker, come.” The half- wolf sensed Fraser’s sudden tension and obeyed. Fraser changed quickly into his civilian clothes and he and Dief left the Consulate and made their way to their favorite park. Fraser always enjoyed their walks through the park. He contemplated going to the police station and talking to Ray, but he wasn’t quite sure what he would say to him once he saw him. ‘Hey, I just fell in love with you but now I’m being shipped back to Canada, so see you around. I’m sorry I ever acted on my feelings because now I have to leave you’. Yeah that pretty much summed it up. Fraser let out a long sigh, sat down on a nearby bench and watched Diefenbaker chase the squirrels up the trees. How was he going to tell Ray? It was going to crush him. What about their relationship? It was so new and Fraser wasn’t ready to give up on it. He loved Ray… even more than his love for back home? Fraser was torn.

It all seemed suddenly unfair. He had to be back in Canada in two weeks, which gave him all of one week to break the news to Ray. What was the sudden rush? He had been in Chicago for the past four years with the RCMP having no interest in him returning to his duties in Canada. What brought on the sudden change of heart? And why hadn’t Inspector Thatcher at least mentioned the possibility to him when she was first presented with it. Fraser was irritated. He needed to speak to Ray… no, he needed to _see_ Ray. He needed to touch him and feel him and kiss him until there was no tomorrow. In one week, there would be no tomorrow.

‘The sooner, the better,’ he thought to himself. Fraser called to Diefenbaker and decided that he needed to talk with Ray before Inspector Thatcher called Lieutenant Welsh and broke the news herself. He didn’t necessarily want to have this conversation with Ray in the break room of the 2-7 or seated at Ray’s desk. His duty as an acting liasian officer was about to come to an end and he decided that conversation with Lieutenant Welsh needed to wait until his conversation with Ray, and that needed to be done soon.

Fraser began the walk towards the 2-7 precinct and then changed directions towards his apartment. It was too early in the day to bother Ray now. He would just have to occupy himself until Ray was available. There were plenty of tasks for him to complete in an effort to get ready to return to an actual posting in the Territories. Fraser got busy with the sole intention of keeping his mind from wandering to Ray. It wasn’t long before Ray was creeping into his thoughts.

 

Ray’s morning was not off to a good start either. His stack of paperwork was not getting any smaller and he wished that Fraser was liaising with him this morning so he could make use of his freakishly fast typing skills. He was also supposed to interview the other suspect in the salon case that had sent Fraser to the hospital to get stitches. He really wished Fraser was there to help him out. He had an uncanny knack for getting people to confess just by being honest and straight forward with them. Get the guy to sign the confession paper and he could leave but he was getting nowhere.

Suddenly irritated with making no headway on anything that resembled work, Ray picked up his phone and called the Consulate looking for Fraser. Maybe the Ice Queen would spring him early and he could come over and help Ray out. He was told by Constable Turnbull that Fraser had left for the day and wouldn’t be back for the remainder of the week. Ray immediately disconnected his call, then called Fraser’s apartment. Fraser answered on the third ring.

“Benton Fraser, how may I help you?” Fraser answered the phone.

Ray chuckled to himself. Fraser was always so proper. “Fraser, it’s Ray. Why aren’t you at work? And what’s this about you not being back for the rest of the week? Are you okay? You having problems from the whack to the head?” Ray was going a mile a minute with no intention of slowing down.

Oh god… there it was. Fraser hesitated. He still wasn’t prepared with what to say. His wide expanse of a vocabulary was failing him miserably when he needed it the most.

"Fraser?" Ray asked. Still no response. " _Ben_..." That got Fraser’s attention.

"Yes Ray, I'm sorry."

"What's going on? Why aren't you at work? " Ray questioned again.

“It’s a long story that I would much rather not discuss over the phone.” Fraser replied, hoping to buy himself some more time.

“You’re ok though? You’re not sick or anything, are you? ‘Cause I can leave…” Ray asked concerned.

“No, I’m fine. There is no need for concern. I would, however, like to speak with you later this evening if you were planning on coming over. There are some things I need to tell you and I would rather you hear them from me first.” Fraser explained into the phone.

“Ben…” Ray began.

“Ray, please. Not over the phone.” Fraser begged into the phone. He wasn’t sure he could do this.

“Fine, but listen… if the Ice Queen doesn’t need your services today, I could sure as hell use them if you’re free.” Ray stated hoping the Mountie would come through for him. “Can you come over to the station and help me with some reports?”

“Sure, Ray. Give me about thirty minutes and I will be there.” Fraser said good- bye and hung up the phone. He really dreaded breaking the news to Ray about his new posting. This was going to be far more difficult than he imagined. If he was lucky, he could put on his poker face and not let on that anything was bothering him until he was alone with Ray this evening. Then he could let his guard down and the emotions come forward.

Fraser sighed again and pulled on his jacket, grabbed his keys and called for Diefenbaker. He pulled his door closed and clicked the lock. He turned around and ran into the side of a man carrying a box. The oversized box fell to the ground and the man stumbled against the far wall.

“Oh my god! I am so sorry. Please, let me help you with that.” Fraser bent over and picked up the large box. He had to juggle it to get a better grip. “Are you just moving in?” Fraser asked as he struggled to get a better hold of the box. ‘Didn’t people know that smaller boxes were easier to handle?’ he thought to himself. “I’m Benton Fraser…” he started to introduce himself and then stopped.

“ _I know_ … and yes, I just moved in.” Jimmy replied with the grin of a weasel etched on his face. “Thanks for your help with the box. I’m two doors down.” Jimmy winked and began to walk towards his new apartment.

Fraser stared after him dumb founded. Shocked would be more like it. “I thought I made myself clear when I asked you not to come back here.” Fraser stated, trying to keep calm. Ray was going to hit the roof. He didn’t follow Jimmy but remained outside his own door.

Jimmy turned around and stared at Fraser. “Oh, I thought that was merely a suggestion. I told you I would see you around. It is a free country after all. I can live where ever I want to. I’m not breaking any laws.”

 Jimmy was all smug. He walked back to where Fraser was still holding his oversized box. “I’m sure Ray has told you…” he took the box from Fraser and juggled it himself. “I usually get what I want,” he whispered into Fraser’s ear. “I know a good man when I see one. It’s a pity you’re wasting your time on Ray, but I intend to change your thinking.” he turned back around and walked the distance to his own doorway. “Don’t be afraid to ask for a cup of sugar now and again.” Jimmy called over his shoulder as he disappeared into his apartment.

How was he going to tell Ray this news? God his day kept getting worse. Fraser really needed to speak with Ray and it was no longer all about him leaving for Canada. He turned and headed for the police station.

 

Fraser entered the 27 bullpen with a hint reluctance. He was immediately greated by Francesca Vecchio.

"Good morning. Fraser," Francesca cooed. She gave his arm a gentle squeeze and her face held a beautiful smile.

Fraser was still distracted from his run in with Jimmy. He looked around the bull pen and then to Ray’s desk but saw no signs of the blonde with experimental hair. "Ah… good morning to you, Francesca. Have you seen Ray this morning?” He asked her while still scanning the room.

“Not for a while. Lieutenant Welsh talked to him for a while and then he left for records or something. I haven’t seen him since.” She replied.

“I see. Thank you kindly.” Fraser began to walk away but turned around quickly. “I’m so sorry, Francesca. I wanted to thank you for the thoughtful gift you gave me. That was very kind of you."

"You're welcome, Fraser. So… did uh, Ray like the mugs as well? Because one of them was for his coffee. I figured the two of you were spending a lot of time together outside of work and he would appreciate a nice mug to drink coffee from, not that you don’t have nice mugs of your own.” Francesca blushed.

“Yes, he has adopted the green one as his own. It was a very sweet of you to think of him as well.” Fraser leaned forward and kissed her on her cheek. “Would you like to have lunch with Ray and me? That is if I can ever find him.”

“I would love to. Just stop by on your way out.” Francesca beamed a bright smile and went back to her desk.

“Francesca, do you mind keeping Diefenbaker here with you until we leave for lunch?” Fraser asked.

“No, that’s fine. Dief can hang out with me.” Francesca rubbed behind Dief’s ears and the wolf promptly sat down beside her. “Looks like I have a new friend.”

“Thank you kindly.” Fraser smiled and left in search of Ray.

 

Fraser eventually tracked Ray to the records department, where he was supposedly trying to hunt down an old case file belonging to the real Ray Vecchio. When Fraser opened the door and entered, he observed Ray sitting on the floor with his legs crossed, leaning against the dusty shelving. He had a manila file folder opened across his lap and was studying the contents. Fraser stopped and leaned against his own dusty shelf. He watched Ray from a distance and his heart broke. He had so much love for this man. He knew that Ray loved him as well, but could that love survive distance and _Jimmy?_ ‘God… why couldn’t that man just let him be?’ Fraser cringed at the thought of Jimmy living two doors down.

 When Ray saw him, he smiled and tucked the file he was reading under his arm. He pulled himself up off the floor and walked over to Fraser.

“Hey, how long have you been standing there starin’?” Ray asked with a crooked grin.

“Just a few minutes. I was enjoying the view.” Fraser gave Ray a smile in return. His calm exterior was hiding the hurricane he was feeling inside. He brought his fingers up and dusted a few cobwebs out of Ray’s spiky hair. He brought his fingers down Ray’s jawline and danced his thumb across Ray’s pink lips.

Fraser’s internal hurricane finally hit the shoreline and he captured Ray’s mouth with his with hurricane force speeds. He twisted his fingers into the back of Ray’s hair and pulled him hard against himself for a deep kiss. It was full of need and want and total desperation. Fraser ran his free hand up Ray’s back and spun them so Ray was pushed up against the shelving. Fraser’s hands were busy pulling Ray’s face closer, while his tongue was busy invading Ray’s mouth. Fraser’s free hand pulled Ray’s shirt out of his jeans and quickly undid the belt buckle, the button and the fly to Ray’s jeans.

“Oh god, Ben… what are you...” Ray attempted to form a coherent sentence but Fraser silenced him with another fierce and desperate kiss. All he could do was hold on to Fraser’s shoulders.

Fraser slipped his hand into Ray’s loose jeans and cupped his growing erection. He gave it a firm squeeze and let go just as quickly as he had grabbed. Fraser slowed his kisses and finally came up for air. He leaned his forehead against Ray’s and closed his eyes tightly. “I’m sorry Ray…” Fraser panted out. “I… uh… I needed to feel you, to touch you.”

“Well, I hope you plan to finish what you started because I’m a little turned on right now and oh my god that was hot.” Ray was trying to catch his own breath.

“I will, I promise, just not in the records department.” Fraser seemed to have just realized where they were and straightened and detached himself from Ray’s embrace. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“Hey, whatever it was… let it come over you again.” Ray replied with a wink.

Fraser stepped close to Ray again. Without a word, he zipped up his fly, buttoned his jeans and fastened Ray’s buckle. He placed his hands on either side of Ray’s face and pulled him close for a soft kiss. “Whatever happens today, remember _I love you_. Promise me?” Fraser asked as he stared into Ray’s eyes.

“I promise. Do I get an explanation?” Ray asked quietly.

“Later. First, I told Francesca we would take her to lunch. I want to tell her about us.” Fraser explained.

“You think she’s gonna freak?” Ray questioned.

“I believe she has it all figured out and is just waiting for confirmation. Come on…” Fraser made his way to the door and stopped when Ray wasn’t following.

“I may need a couple more minutes to uh… to uh… get my breathing under control.” Ray blushed. “I’ll meet you in a few minutes.”

Fraser left and Ray leaned back against the racks and tried to even out his breathing. ‘What the hell was Fraser talking about?’ he wondered. He pushed his hand against his groin and adjusted himself in his jeans. Lunch had better be a fast one because he wanted to get Fraser home and naked. With swift steps he left to meet Fraser and Francesca.

 

Fraser knew where he wanted to take Francesca and Ray for lunch. He and Ray had a favorite Chinese restaurant and Fraser thought that would be a perfect place to share the news of their relationship. They always took a booth towards the back where it was quieter and provided more privacy. Ray slid into the far side of the booth and Frannie slid into the other side. She slid up to the wall and was making room for Fraser to join her, when he slid in next to Ray and faced her. A small smile appeared on her face and she blushed.

A waitress appeared and took their drink orders. She returned quickly and the three friends ordered their meals. The waitress disappeared into the kitchen.

“Frannie…” Ray began. “Fraser and me… we got something to tell you.”

“You’re together, aren’t you?” Francesca asked quietly, not quite able to look either man in the eye.

Ray and Fraser looked at one another. Ray nodded for Fraser to answer.

“Yes we are. And we wanted you to be the first to know. You are our friend and we wanted to make sure that you were ok with our relationship.” Fraser explained. “How did you know?”

“I had my suspicions, you know. Right after that whole big missing on the giant boat thing. You two were different around each other. The lingering glances that you didn’t think anyone noticed and the way Ray was always touching you, Fraser. It may not be painfully obvious to everyone, but…” Francesca stopped and stared at Fraser. “I just had a feeling. You were looking at Ray the same way I used to look at you.” Francesca confessed as she lowered her eyes.

“I’m sorry Francesca. We’re not telling you to hurt you.” Fraser began to explain.

“No… please Benton. I’m happy for the two of you and I’m fine with the two of you together. I’m just… well, I’m also kind of sad for me at the same time.” She explained quietly. “I was just waiting for my own fairytale to take place, but Ray beat me to it.”

“I’m sorry Frannie.” Ray took Fraser’s hand and laced their fingers together. “It just kind of happened one day. We love each other and we were hoping that we could count on your support.”

Francesca smiled and wiped a tear from her eye. “Of course you have my support.  And I’m really ok with you two being together. Are you going to tell the others?”

“We plan to tell our circle of friends, yes.” Ray told her. “Everyone else, it’s none of their business.”

“Thank you for telling me. I’m honored that you’ve shared this with me.” Francesca smiled at both men.

The waitress brought out their food and Ray and Fraser told Francesca about their journey of discovering each other’s love. They enjoyed each other’s company for the next two hours when Ray declared that they should probably get back to the station before someone reports them missing.

 

“Actually Ray, do you think you can take the rest of the afternoon off, if I promise Lieutenant Welsh I will help you with all of your paperwork first thing tomorrow morning?” Fraser asked, hopeful.

“As long as you help me with paperwork, no biggie.”

“Francesca, would you like for us to call you a cab to go back to the station. Or we could walk you, if you would like.” Fraser asked.

“No, it’s okay. I can walk back. It’s not too far.” Francesca gave each man a hug and a small kiss to the cheek.

Fraser paid their bill and he and Ray parted ways with Francesca.

Ray looked at Fraser. “Your place or mine? You’ve got some explaining to do, Ben.”

Fraser hung his head and sighed. “Yours… I will explain on the way.”

 

Fraser took a long cut through a park so Diefenbaker could run around chasing the squirrels.

Fraser inhaled deeply and let it out slowly. He took Ray’s hand in his and squeezed it tightly. He needed some of Ray’s strength.

“You’re killing me Ben. What gives?” Ray declared, finally tired of the silence.

“I have some news to share with you. You want the bad news or the worse news?” Fraser stared ahead.

Ray pulled him to a stop and forced him to look at him.

“What are you talking about? What’s going on?” Ray demanded to know.

“God, Ray… I don’t know which is worse.” Fraser’s whole frame was trembling under Ray’s hands.

“Tell me, Ben. Partners _, remember… duets_. We’ll get through it together, whatever it is.” Ray tried to soothe Fraser’s suddenly frayed nerves.

“Jimmy’s moved in two doors down from me at my apartment building.” Fraser blurted out.

Ray paled and grew angry and was about to fly off the handle when he stopped his rant before it even began. He closed his eyes and asked, “Is that the bad or the worst?”

“The bad…” Fraser whispered.

Ray opened his eyes and stared hard at Fraser. “What can be worse than that?” He asked dryly.

Fraser blinked and a tear escaped down his cheek. He let out a small laugh and another tear joined the first. “It would figure… I have this wonderful group of people, who I think of as my family, I finally find myself a new home, I allow myself to fall in love with you…” Fraser blinked a few more times, shedding more tears.  He had a death grip on both of Ray’s hands and his knuckles where turning white. “I have to go back, Ray.”

“Back? Back where? You aren’t making any sense, Ben.”  Ray asked, confusion written all over his face.

“Canada… I don’t have a choice. I’m to be there in two weeks. Inspector Thatcher informed me this morning.” Fraser explained quietly.

Ray completely forgot about Jimmy. “That’s what had you all worked up at the station?”

Fraser nodded, unable to speak. Ray pulled Fraser into a tight embrace and held him as he shed his own tears. “We’ll figure it out… okay?” Ray whispered into his ear. “Ok… we need to think this through. I need to talk to Welsh, see if he will give me a few days off.”

“I’m so sorry Ray… I had no idea this was coming.”

 Ray silenced him with a kiss. “Duets, Ben… we’ll make it work. Let’s go back to the station. I will talk to Welsh, while you go to your place and pack a bag and get my car. You can meet me at the station. If I go and get my car and I see Jimmy _, I will kill him with my bare hands_.”

Fraser ran his hand across his eyes to dry them. “I love you, you know that, right? I don’t want to leave, but I have no choice unless I quit and even then, I may not be allowed to stay. I’m not a citizen of this country.”

“I love you too. We’ll figure it out, Ben. Go get my car and pick me up at the station.” Ray handed Fraser his car keys and he stared at his key on Ray’s ring. Yes, they would figure out a solution to this mess. They parted ways after another long, desperate kiss.

 

Fraser made his way through the park to his apartment and quickly packed a bag to stay at Ray’s. He was thankful he didn’t run into Jimmy. ‘That was the last thing he needed today’ he thought to himself. He closed and locked the door behind him. Once again, he looked at Ray’s keys to his prized GTO. Ray really trusted him to just hand over his keys with no second thoughts. ‘Yes, they were going to make it work.’ Fraser told himself as he slid into the driver’s seat and buckled up. Dief had settled in the backseat. He was tired from all the walking they had been doing the last few days ad decided he was ready for a nap.

Ray went to the station and met with Lieutenant Welsh and explained his need for some time off to sort out Fraser’s dilemma. He was still speaking with the Lieutenant, silently wondering when Fraser was going to arrive. He hoped that he didn’t have another run in with Jimmy. Ray was pacing the floor in his boss’s office and was constantly glancing out the window for signs of Fraser.

 Francesca knocked and let herself into the office. She was pale. Ray stopped pacing and stared at her.

“There’s been an accident.”


	10. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are nearing the end of the journey... Thank you to everyone who has read and followed and hopefully enjoyed this story. Many thanks to Vic32 and Butterflyghost for your wonderful feedback and enthusiasm! 
> 
> All mistakes are my own... please feel free to leave me your thoughts.

Ray crumpled his coffee cup in his hands while he paced the floor of the hospital emergency room. ‘God what was taking the doctors so long?’ He ran his fingers through his spiked hair and slammed the remains of the coffee cup into a nearby trash can. He sat down in a plastic chair next to Francesca and before she could begin to attempt to comfort him he popped out of the hard seat and began pacing the length of the room again. “What happened?” he croaked out.

Francesca had been the one to take the call from the officers on the scene. Eye witnesses said that Fraser had run the red light and was hit on the driver’s side by cross traffic. He was conscious when the EMTs had arrived but by the time they had had gotten him extricated from the vehicle and strapped to a backboard, Fraser had lost the battle and was pulled into darkness.

Ray ran his hands through his upended hair once again. “Oh my god… what about Diefenbaker? Please tell me Dief’s okay,” Ray begged Francesca.

“As far as I know he is okay. He was taken to the animal hospital. I can call over there and find out for you.” Francesca stood up and gave Ray a comforting hug. “It’s going to be ok,” she spoke softly. “I’ll go check on Dief.”

Francesca left to find a phone along with a number to the animal hospital. Ray resumed his pacing while Lieutenant Welsh looked on. “How long?” he asked.

“How long have we been waiting? _Too damn long_!” Ray yelled frustrated.

Welsh let out a sigh. “No, Detective. How long have you and the good Constable been _more_ than partners?”

“Oh… that, uh… not long. Well, since the ship thing and he saved me from drowning.” Ray answered still pacing.

“Please, sit down. You’re making me dizzy with all this back and forth business.” Welsh explained with his hands and Ray reluctantly took a seat. “Would you care to explain?”

“What’s there to explain? We just get each other. One day, he was over and we shared a pizza and I asked him a few questions and he had the answers I was looking for. And then he didn’t have an answer and then he was kissing me and I was kissing him and that’s that.” Ray recalled the night when he and Fraser shared their first kiss. A small smile formed on his lips at the memory of him pushing Fraser towards his bedroom. There was more to it, but Ray wasn’t going to share how it was the buddy breathing experience that had really set things in motion.

Ray stood up again and clenched his fists. They had been waiting for two hours with no word on Fraser’s condition. Every time a nurse passed them, Ray tried to get some information, but was always told “Someone will be with you momentarily. Please take a seat.”

“ _I’m about ready to throw a seat!”_ was Ray’s response to the latest nurse.

Welsh stood up and took Ray by the elbow and led him over to the hard plastic chairs. “Come on… yelling at the nurses isn’t going to win you any brownie points,  especially if you’re going to be want to be spending any extra time in his room. Now, tell me about this other friend of yours.” Welsh tried to diffuse Ray’s anger. “What’s his name again? Jimmy?”

“Yeah… Jimmy. _Fucking weasel.”_  Ray vented as he dropped himself onto the hard chair. “He apparently has a thing for Fraser. Fraser told him to leave him alone that he wasn’t interested but then the guy moves in two doors down from him.”

“Sounds like he could be trouble.” Welsh replied worried. “But he isn’t technically breaking any laws, so there is nothing you can do, but grin and bare it.”

“It’s really not about that any more. Fraser has to leave… he has to go _back_ and where does that leave _us_?” Ray questioned running his hands through his blond spikes. His hair was becoming very unruly. “We were just getting things figured out between us and the damn Ice Queen sends him packing all of a sudden. And just like that… drops the news in his lap and sends him on his way.”

Ray stood up again and returned to pacing. Welsh sighed. “Maybe you could use another cup of coffee.” Welsh offered.

“Maybe, I just need someone to tell me _what the hell is going on in there!”_ Ray snapped in response. Welsh sat back in his chair. “I’m sorry, Lieu… I’m just… _worried_. It’s been over two hours. Someone has to know something.” Ray took his seat again feeling defeated. He placed his head in his hands and let out a long breath. Welsh gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

 Ray closed his eyes against the forming tears. When he opened them again, he saw two blue bootie covered feet in front of him. His head snapped up and Ray stood up abruptly.

“How is he?” Ray blurted out.

“Are you Detective Vecchio?” the doctor asked.

Ray bit back an explicative. “ _Yes_ … how’s Fraser?”

“Let’s have a seat.” The doctor motioned towards the hard plastic chairs.

_“I’m tired of fucking sitting… how is he?”_ Ray yelled at the shocked doctor. “And I want to hear it in English… not doctor mumbo jumbo.”

“Ray!” Welsh warned. “That’s enough… let the good doctor speak.”

“It’s quite alright. I apologize for keeping you waiting. Your friend is very lucky. His injuries are mostly superficial and will heal up quickly, that is the cuts and bruising. However, his left arm was broken near the shoulder. The break was too high up to cast, so we had to surgically insert a pin to fix it. He also has two cracked left ribs, which will just need time to heal. What concerns me the most is the hit to the head. He has twelve stitches right at the hair line above his left eye. I was reading his medical chart and I saw that he was here just last week for a hit to the back of the head that required stitches as well.” The doctor explained slowly and in a language Ray could understand.

“Yeah, he got hit with a two by four.” Ray explained. “Nine stitches.”

“That blow coupled with another from the accident has left him with some memory loss.”

“ _Memory loss?”_   Ray asked.  “As in… can’t remember his name?” 

“He knows who he is, but recent memories are gone.” The doctor explained. “It will be difficult to gauge the full extent of the memory loss until he is fully awake with no remaining effects from the anesthesia.”

“Is it permanent?” Ray wondered.

“Only time will tell,” the doctor explained.

“Well, can’t you just give him some of that ginkgo biloba stuff?” Ray questioned. “Isn’t that supposed to restore your memory?”

The doctor had the nerve to laugh. “I wish it were that easy. It really is a matter of time and healing. There is a lot we know about the brain, but some things are still a mystery. Like I said, we won’t know the extent of the memory loss until he wakes up and we can better speak with him.” The doctor further explained.

“How do you know he can’t remember anything?” Ray asked confused. He didn’t know how the brain worked any more than the next guy.

“He had regained consciousness on the way to the hospital. He could tell us his name, his job, but not what he was doing at the time of the accident or where he was. We asked him where he thought he was and he mentioned Canada.”

“Can I see him?” Ray wasn’t above begging.

“He is still in recovery but will be moved to a private room within the hour. I will have a nurse come get you when he is settled, and then you can see him. He won’t be very coherent today, so don’t expect too much out of him. He’s also going to be on some pretty strong pain medication as well, so he will most likely sleep the remainder of the day. But everyone is different. He may surprise us all and wake up with his memory intact.”

Lieutenant Welsh thanked the doctor as Ray sank into a chair. “He’s not going to remember me?” Ray asked as the doctor left. “Everything we have been through, he’s not going to remember?”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. The doctor said he may wake up and remember everything. Give him time, Ray.”

“Yeah… time we don’t have any more.” Ray replied bitterly.

“I need to get back to the station and make a few phone calls. You going to be okay? I’m going to hunt Francesca down and take her with me. I can leave you my car.” Welsh told Ray. “I suppose I should call Inspector Thatcher as well.”

“I’m not going anywhere, so I won’t need your car. But can you find out about Dief for me?” Ray asked.

“Sure thing.” Welsh squeezed his shoulder and left Ray waiting alone.

 

Ray began pacing again and worry began to creep back into his thoughts. What if Fraser never regained his memory? Would head back to Canada with a ‘Thank you kindly, Ray’ and never look back? Ray and his thoughts were bad company. He ran his fingers over his lips and remembered Fraser’s last kiss and the desperation he had put into it. Would he ever feel those lips on his again? Could Fraser fall in love with him again? There were too many questions that he didn’t have the answers to and wasn’t likely to get them before Fraser was due to report back to Canada.

Ray was lost in his thoughts when a small nurse stopped in front of him.

“Are you Detective Vecchio?” she asked,  not wanting to startle him.

Rays’ head snapped up. “Yes… can I see him?”

“Mr. Fraser has been moved to a private room. I will take you to him.” She motioned in the appropriate direction with her head. “Follow me.”

Ray was following her with dread in every step and a hundred  ‘what if’s’ invading his brain.

“You may go in. There is a chair by the bed if you want to sit with him. Please don’t try to wake him, he needs his rest. I was told you were his partner.” The small nurse asked.

“Yeah… he’s my partner.” Ray replied… ‘In more ways than one’ he thought to himself. “Thanks.”

The nurse left and Ray slowly opened the door to Fraser’s room and stepped inside. He hated hospitals and never felt that more than now.

“Shit…” he cursed when he let his eyes settle on Fraser. He was pale and had a large bandage across the top of the left side of his forehead. His left arm was wrapped from his shoulder down with pristine white bandages and disappeared under the thin hospital blanket covering Fraser’s still body. He had small cuts and some deep purple and very angry looking bruises beginning to form on his left cheek from the impact of the side window. Fraser had been lucky.

 The IV lines and the heart rate monitor were a momentary distraction. At least his heart beat was strong and steady. Fraser was alive, that’s all Ray cared about at the moment. If Fraser fell in love with him once, he could fall in love with him again. Ray had the advantage this time of knowing that he already loved Fraser.

Ray settled himself in the seat next to Fraser’s bed. Unlike the hard plastic chair in the ER, this chair was thankfully padded. Ray had a feeling there was going to be a lasting impression of his backside indented in it by the time Fraser got out of the hospital. He took Fraser’s limp right hand into his and intertwined their fingers. Fraser never stirred. The room remained quiet except for the steady drip of the IV and the constant blip on the heart monitor. Ray laid his head on Fraser’s bed and covered his face with their joined hands. It had been a trying day and he was asleep in less than five minutes.

 

The small nurse who took Ray to Fraser was shaking Ray gently. He opened his eyes and immediately recalled where he was. Fraser’s hospital room. He stole a glance at the wall clock that read 9 pm. He had a horrible crick in his neck.

“I’m sorry sir, visiting hours are over. You can come back in the morning. I’ve already let you stay later than allowed. I didn’t have the heart to wake you.” She explained quietly. “You said you were partners, now I understand. My name is Mary if you need anything.”

“Thank you for letting me stay. Will you call me if anything happens? And my name’s Ray.”

“Of course I will. I’m on early tomorrow. I can let you see him at seven. Go home and get some real sleep. He’s going to need you and you’re going to want to be well rested.” Mary checked Fraser’s vitals and once satisfied led Ray to the door. “See you tomorrow, Ray.”

 

Ray had been hoping to get lucky and be able to spend the night in Fraser’s room, but hospital policy had prohibited it. Now he was wishing Welsh had left him his car. He called for a cab to take him home. He was going to need to get a rental or an extra from motor pool sometime tomorrow. Ray paid the cab driver and made his way into his apartment. He was exhausted from the emotional roller coaster of a day. His thoughts kept returning to Fraser’s memory and if it would return and how long would it take?

Ray showered, pulled on clean boxer briefs and crawled into bed. He had a bad feeling tomorrow was going to be a long day. He set his alarm for 5 am and let sleep pull him under.

 

Ray arrived at the hospital at 6:45 in the morning with a large cup of coffee in hand. He was looking for the small nurse from the night before. ‘What was her name?’ Ray tried to remember. ‘Ha, maybe both Fraser and I need the damn ginkgo biloba stuff. Mary… that’s it.’ Ray scanned the nurse’s station for Mary. He found her hidden behind a computer.

Ray walked up to the desk. “Good morning, Mary.” He said softly. “How’s Ben this morning?”

Mary wore a bright smile already this morning. “Good morning, Ray. He’s sleeping again. He was awake with some discomfort very early this morning. The doctor’s adjusted his pain medication and that seems to have done the trick.”

“What about his memory? Does he remember anything?” Ray was silently begging for a ‘yes’.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know. The night nurses only noted discomfort in his chart this morning, nothing about regaining his memory.” She explained. “Would you like to see him? He’s still asleep but you can sit with him if you like.”

“Yes, definitely. Thank you.”

Mary took Ray to Fraser’s room once again. She checked Fraser’s vitals, made her notations in his chart and quietly left, leaving Ray alone.

 

Ray settled himself into the chair he had vacated last night. Fraser was still in the same position. He didn’t look any better than the evening before. He didn’t look any worse, either. The IV was steadily dripping away but the heart monitor had been removed. The doctor’s must have thought he was improving. Ray didn’t know if he should remain quiet or try and talk to Fraser. ‘Don’t all the doctor’s in movies tell families to talk to the patients…  because they can hear you? What the hell, why not…’ Ray thought… what was it going to hurt?

Ray took Fraser’s hand into his own and noted the chill to it. Fraser was never cold. He locked their fingers and gave the chilly hand of his partner a gentle squeeze. “Morning, Ben,” he began. “Your doctors have told me that you can’t remember anything. No… that’s not entirely true.” Ray paused and reflected on what the doctor had told him. It wasn’t true, Fraser knew who he was… it was Ray he wouldn’t remember when he woke up. “I need you to try really hard because I can’t lose you.” A single tear slid down Ray’s cheek. “We’re partners, remember… _a duet._ Red ships and green ships, Ben…” Ray sucked in a breath and swiped away the next tear before it could escape.

“It’s okay if you can’t remember… because _I remember._  I will help you get _our memories_ back. I love you, Ben. Just hold on to that, if you can’t remember anything else about me… remember how much I love you.” Ray was nearly choking. His eyes were flooded with fresh tears about to spill over. There was a cough from the doorway and Ray quickly swept his hand over his eyes. He knew they had to be red and bloodshot but he didn’t care.

Fraser’s doctor stood in the doorway with Inspector Thatcher. Thatcher cleared her throat and spoke. “Might I have a moment of your time, Detective?” That woman grated on his every last nerve. Ray turned his gaze back to Fraser. He squeezed his hand one more time wishing he felt something in return. Reluctantly, Ray let go of Fraser’s hand and followed Inspector Thatcher into the hall.

 

“”Would you care explaining to me what is going on and what has happened to my Constable.” She asked. Her voice had an edge to it this morning.

“Ben was in an accident yesterday afternoon.” Ray began but was cut short.

“I can see that. I’m not blind. What I want to know is how it happened?” She was angry. “I get a call last night from your Lieutenant telling me that my Constable had been involved in an accident in your vehicle that he was driving, without you in the car. Where were you, Detective?”

“Hey, _back off_ , alright. I gave Fraser permission to drive my car. It was at his place and I needed to talk to Welsh so I asked Ben to get the car for me. Then he was to pick me up. What is your problem?” Ray matched her anger with his own in return.

“My problem, Detective is he was to get ready to move back to Canada to a new posting. Now, he’s in a hospital bed and I have to explain to my superiors in Ottawa why he won’t be ready when they need him in two weeks.” Inspector Thatcher spilled out her words with a touch of venom.

“That’s your problem, not his. How dare you just demand that he leave with no notice or warning at all? He’s been here for four fucking years and you give him a week to pack up and leave. You ever think that he has made a life for himself here? Just because you hate it here, doesn’t mean that Ben does.” Ray spat back.

“Ben? Since when is it Ben?” she demanded.

“Since he saved my life on a sinking ship and he refused to leave me to die alone, _that’s when._ ” Ray turned and walked away from Inspector Thatcher. He needed some air, quickly before he broke down in the middle of the hospital hallway.

Ray found Mary and asked her to call him when Fraser woke up. He had a few phone calls to make. He needed to check in with Welsh and he desperately needed to find out about Diefenbaker. Dief was part of Fraser’s past before Chicago and he was hoping he would at least remember the deaf wolf. Dief remembering Ray may help Fraser remember him as well.

 

Frannie answered the 2-7 precinct phone. “Good Morning, squad room.”

“Frannie, its Ray.” Ray cringed and pulled the phone away from his ear. Frannie was ecstatic to hear from him. “I was calling to talk to Welsh and see if you found anything out about Diefenbaker.”

“I’m so glad you called. I didn’t want to bother you last night if you were still at the hospital. Dief has a broken front leg from falling off the seat, but is otherwise in good shape.” She told him.

Ray sighed with relief, finally some good news. Frannie mentioned she had Dief with her and could keep him until Ray was ready to get him for Fraser. Ray thanked his friend profusely. She patched him through to Lieutenant Welsh.

“This is Welsh, how can I help you?” The Lieutenant’s voice was hoarse. He sounded like he had been talking for quite some time.

“Lieu, its Ray. I’m just checking in.”

“Ray, how’s the Constable this morning?” Welsh inquired of Fraser.

“Not really sure. He was still asleep when I got here this morning. The nurse from yesterday said that they had to increase or change his pain medication last night. I don’t know about his memory yet. I… uh… might have said a few things to Inspector Thatcher. She was there this morning as well. I don’t think she likes me too much.” Ray confessed with a shrug.

“Listen, the accident reconstruction crew had a look at your car to see if something mechanically went wrong. You know, maybe causing Fraser to run the red light.” Welsh sounded like he was on to something.

“Yeah and did they find anything?” Ray was curious. He was so focused on Fraser, he had forgotten about his car.

“Your brake lines had been cut. Once the brake fluid was all pumped out, Fraser wouldn’t have been able to stop. It’s a miracle no one was killed.” Welsh explained.

“Someone cut the lines? You have any leads?” Ray was really curious. Was someone out to hurt him and Fraser had been caught in the cross fire?

“We got a set of prints, Ray.” Welsh stopped. Ray could hear him let out a sigh.

“Who is it Lieu?” Ray demanded. “You know…   _tell me_.”

“Detective, you are too involved in this. You need to step back and let us handle it. Focus on taking care of Fraser.” Welsh tried to reason with Ray.

“ _Who is it?”_ Ray demanded again.

Welsh knew better but told Ray anyway. “Jimmy Akers. His prints were all over the lines and the surrounding area under the car. Unless he’s done work on your car, he’s our guy. We’re picking him up, Ray. Please stay at the hospital and let us handle this.”

Ray leaned against the wall and slid down until he hit the floor. His friend had betrayed him in the ultimate way.

“Ray…” Welsh’s voice had softened. “Ray, we’re going to nail him, okay. Don’t worry, just take care of Fraser.

“Okay,” Ray agreed reluctantly. He wanted to kill Jimmy himself. He ended the call. Ray remained on the floor with his head tilted back against the wall. He closed his eyes and his thoughts drifted back to Fraser. He longed to hold him and kiss him. He was lost in his memories of the moments they had shared from their initial kiss to the last time they memorized each other’s naked bodies, inch by naked inch.

 

“Excuse me, Ray…” Mary had interrupted Ray’s thoughts. “Ben’s awake.”


	11. Remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A million thank- you's to everyone following this story. It has been such a fantastic journey and I appreciate everyone who has given me feedback or just read the story and enjoyed it. I am beside myself...
> 
> We are almost there... sniff, sniff...
> 
> I own all mistakes... please, enjoy this next chapter and as always, feedback is welcome... I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint.

_ “Excuse me, Ray…” Mary had interrupted Ray’s thoughts. “Ben’s awake.”  _

 

Ray shot up off the floor like a rocket. “His memory… is it…” he couldn’t bare to say the rest.

“I’m sorry. He hasn’t regained anything more.” Mary took hold of Ray’s arm when began the slide down the wall again. “Perhaps seeing a familiar face will help jog his memory. Come along, I will go with you.”

Mary gently led Ray to Fraser’s room. The doctor had just left the room and stopped Ray before he could go in.

“Detective Vecchio, good morning.” The doctor beamed cheerfully.

“Morning,” Ray replied with no enthusiasm. A _good_ morning would be one where Fraser woke up and remembered him. This doctor was too cheerful for Ray’s liking. The nurse was one thing, but a cheerful doctor for some reason didn’t sit well with Ray. Maybe Ray was just too agitated to allow someone to be in good spirits.

“Mr. Fraser is understandably confused this morning. I ask that you be patient with him. He will no doubt bombard you with many questions. Do you know of any family in Canada who may be able to help him remember?” The doctor asked.

“No, Ben’s family is all gone.” Ray explained sadly. “His friends are his family here in Chicago.”

“Just remember to try and not force him to remember. Sometimes that has a negative effect. Give him time and space if he needs it. We have explained to him that he is in Chicago and he was in a car accident. He told us he doesn’t know why he is here and that he lives in Canada. You must remember that you know everything about him, but for him, it will be like meeting you for the first time.” The doctor explained.

Ray’s face lit up. “I hugged Fraser the first time I met him.” Ray let out a laugh and the doctor smiled at him.

“I’m sure Mr. Fraser will be in very capable hands for his recovery. Remember Ray, patience and time. Introduce him to things that should be familiar, but don’t give him information overload on the first day. As for his injuries, I want to keep him for a couple more days and then he can go home. Is there someone that can help him once home since he has no family?” the doctor asked.

“Yeah… he will have help.” Ray assured the doctor… ‘Me’. Ray was suddenly nervous about seeing Fraser. “What do I do when I go in?”

The doctor didn’t laugh this time but appeared to understand Ray’s apprehension. “Introduce yourself. Explain what had happened as far as the accident and the rest will take care of itself. He’s your friend so, you probably know just about everything there is to know about him. Just help fill in the blanks.”

“Once I tell him stuff, will he remember it?” Ray asked.

“I’m not sure I understand. If you tell him today that your name is Ray… yes, tomorrow, he will remember, but only because you told him. Is that what you meant?” The doctor looked at Ray and Ray nodded. “Would you like me to go in with you?”

“It’s really stupid but I’m suddenly afraid to see him.” Ray wiped away a stray tear and Mary took hold of his arm again. “It’s just that I care so much about him and it kills me to know that he can’t remember who I am or everything we’ve been through.”

“Come on Ray, let’s get Ben reacquainted with you.” The doctor nodded towards Fraser’s door and began to open it. “Deep breath, Ray.” So, maybe this doctor wasn’t so bad after all.

 

The doctor led the way into the room and Fraser had his eyes closed. Upon hearing someone enter, he slowly opened his eyes and tried to focus them. With the cracked ribs and the immobilized shoulder, he couldn’t turn very well to see who had entered.

“Mr. Fraser, you have a visitor this morning,” the doctor stepped to the side.

Ray was led forward by Mary so he could be near the bed and Fraser wouldn’t have to strain to see him.

“This is Detective Vecchio. He is a friend of yours from Chicago.” The doctor explained to Fraser.

Ray locked eyes with Fraser and silently begged God for any sign of recognition from Fraser. There was none, a lingering gaze, yes… _maybe,_ but nothing where his memory was concerned. The slate blue eyes that Ray got lost in during their moments of intimacy, looked lost and _scared_. Ray remembered their first night in Fraser’s new bed. Ben had asked him to be his guide so he wouldn’t get lost. Ray was up for the challenge.

 Fraser attempted to reach out his right hand to shake Ray’s but stopped short when the pain from moving was too much. “I apologize, Detective Vecchio. I seem to have limited mobility at the moment.” Ray’s heart dropped into his stomach and he suddenly felt sick. His relationship with Fraser had just been turned into a handshake, a handshake that couldn’t even be accomplished.

Ray cringed at the name. ‘Deep breath,’ he reminded himself. “Hey, it’s okay and you can call me Ray. I’m uh… I’m going to sit with you for a while, if that’s okay. Maybe try and answer any questions you may have for me.” Ray tried to keep his voice positive in the terribly negative situation.

“That would be fine, Ray. I’m sure the doctor has told you that I can’t remember too much.” Fraser explained. “Apparently, I took a blow to the head. Are you here about the accident?”

“No, there are other detectives working the accident. I’m here to visit. You and I are good friends.” Ray’s heart began to sink. Fraser didn’t seem overly stressed that he had lost his memory. ‘Maybe he was putting on a brave front.’ Ray had no idea what he must be feeling. In the past, Fraser had been the king of keeping things bottled up.

Mary checked Fraser’s vitals, made her notations and left with the doctor. Ray pulled up the seat next to Fraser’s bed and sat down. He sucked in a breath, held it and slowly let it out. He was dying inside. He looked at Fraser and a single tear escaped and slid down his cheek. He was hoping Fraser hadn’t noticed. He was wrong.

“Detective Vecchio…” Fraser stopped short and frowned. Something felt odd about the name that didn’t quite roll off his tongue, but he couldn’t place it.

“It’s Ray…” Ray corrected, wiping his eyes.

“ _Ray_ … is everything alright?” Fraser asked.  ‘This man was clearly upset.’ Fraser thought to himself.

Ray let out a small laugh and cursed. “ _Shit_ … I’m… I’m sorry. You’re the one who’s hurt and can’t remember anything and here I’m the one having a breakdown.”

“It does seem a tad backwards,” Fraser replied. He knuckle swiped his left eyebrow with his right hand and winced. Classic Fraser move, Ray noted. “I suppose I haven’t had too much time awake to process much of anything this morning.”

“It’s just… _this sucks._ ”Ray stood up from the chair and started pacing along the edge of the bed. “You’re my friend and you don’t remember me.”

“No, I’m sorry I don’t,” Fraser replied. “I trust you will help me though.”

“Of course.” Ray swiped his eyes again and resumed his pacing. He had so much bottled up energy and emotions, he couldn’t sit still.

“Can you stop pacing, please? You’re making me a little dizzy trying to follow you.” Fraser asked Ray politely, his face was pale and he looked like he was about to throw up. Ray stopped instantly. “Thank you kindly.”

 ‘It only takes a moment to be courteous.’ Ray smiled at the memory.  “Sorry, I’ve been doing a lot of that the last day or so.” He took a seat in the chair. “So, where shall we start?” Ray asked nervously.

“How about you tell me how we met?” Fraser asked him. “Maybe something will sound familiar.”

“Well, it’s kind of complicated,” Ray began. How was he to get Fraser to understand that he wasn’t really Ray Vecchio, but only working undercover as him? No, that conversation could wait. It was far too involved. “Uh… where to start?” Ray wondered aloud.

“I have found the beginning is usually a good place.” Leave it to Fraser to be the practical thinker.

“Well, you first came to Chicago on the trail of the killers of your father and for reasons that don’t need exploring at this particular juncture; you have remained, attached as a liaison to the Canadian Consulate.” Ray stopped after reciting Fraser’s usual greeting to a new person. He glanced at Fraser. He looked like he had stopped breathing. “What’s wrong?” Ray asked.

“My father’s been killed?” Fraser asked, shock clearly written across his face.

“Oh my god… you don’t remember that.” Ray was at a loss for words. ‘Shit… how far back did his memory loss go?’

“No, I don’t remember that. How long ago was that?” Fraser asked, visibly shaken.

“Four years. You came to Chicago looking for his killers and it ended up being a high ranking member of the RCMP. That’s how you ended up in Chicago. You turned in one of your own and the Canadian officials were embarrassed. They couldn’t really fire you without getting more heat, so they shipped you here.” Ray explained as Fraser tried to absorb the new information. “There’s a lot of information you’re missing my friend. What’s the last thing you remember?”

Fraser closed his eyes and thought back to his last conversation with his father. “My dad had called me about a case he had been working on for a while. He didn’t come out and tell me he needed help, but it was unusual for him to discuss his cases with me. We worked in different areas of the Territories and rarely saw one another. I didn’t hear anything more about it from him.” Fraser closed his eyes and a tear escaped. He wiped it away with his free hand. “I’m sorry… it’s… I just can’t remember anything since that phone call from him.”

“It’s okay, Frase, I’ll help you remember, alright.” Ray gave Fraser’s arm a gentle squeeze. He wanted to pull him into a fierce hug and kiss him until he remembered. He slowly let go of Fraser’s arm and continued. “It was a case about caribou being drowned from a dam that was built improperly. He was killed shortly after you had spoken to him, that’s why you never heard from him. You got some lead that brought you to Chicago after the suspects. You caught the guys and now they are behind bars, where they belong.”

“Good.” Fraser seemed relieved when he heard that the suspects had been arrested for his father’s murder and were in prison. “And now I live in Chicago? I’ve been here for four years?”

“Yep… four years. You work at the Consulate and you also work as a liaison with the Chicago police, that’s where I come in. We are sort of unofficial partners, but we do have the highest arrest record and solve rate for our cases,” Ray beamed. He was proud of the partnership he and Fraser had formed.

“So, we work well together?” Fraser asked confused. “Because I’ve been told on occasion that I am somewhat of a loner and work best by myself.”

“Well, not here. Here, you work best with _me_. You set ‘em up, I knock ‘em down.” Ray was watching Fraser’s face for signs of recollection. There were none. His heart sank a little lower. “We’re a _duet,_ Frase.”

Fraser’s head snapped forward off the pillow. “A _duet_?”

Ray’s heart now skipped a beat. Was Fraser remembering? “Yeah, a _duet._ ” Ray repeated.

“Wouldn’t it be easier to say we were partners?” Fraser questioned Ray. He laid his head back on his pillow, any hint of recognition gone from his face.

“Maybe to some it would be easier…” Ray felt like screaming. ‘Keep it together, _Kowalski’._ “But for you and I… we’re a _duet.”_ Ray put emphasis on the word, hoping to help it sink in.

Ray needed a different approach. Yes… he had it now, Fraser’s link between the past and the present, _Diefenbaker._ “When you get home, Dief will be very happy to see you. Frannie is probably feeding him his fair share of doughnuts right about now.” There it was… the light bulb in Fraser’s head had just been flipped on and it was shining bright at the mention of the deaf, half-wolf. Ray’s breathed a sigh of relief.

“Diefenbaker is with me in Chicago? Is that even allowed?” Fraser’s whole face lit up at the mention of the wolf.

Ray was jealous and wished _he_ could get the same reaction from Fraser. “Dief was in the car with you and has a broken leg, but he’s fine other than that. Our friend, Frannie, is going to keep him until you get home. I’m not sure how you pulled it off, but he does have a license.” Ray smiled at Fraser, who finally had a smile of his own.

“Finally, something familiar.” Fraser’s smile faded away as he stared at Ray. “There’s something you’re not telling me.”

Ray locked eyes with Fraser and nodded. “There’s a lot I’m not telling you, Ben. You have to trust me that I will tell you everything when the time is right. Your doctor didn’t want me to give you information overload on the first day.”

Fraser cocked his head to the side. “Ben? Not very many people call me that. Only…” Fraser hesitated, but never spoke the words… ‘ _people that love me’_. Did he just remember something? He stifled a yawn. “I’m sorry,” he apologized as he yawned again.

Ray let out a small laugh. “I should let you get some rest. I think that we have covered enough for right now.” He stood up from his chair and Fraser reached for his arm to stop him. The simple touch was electrifying and Ray didn’t want Fraser to ever let go.

“Ray…” Fraser started and stopped. He wasn’t sure how to continue.

“Yeah, Ben?”

“Do I… trust you?”  Fraser questioned. He needed something to believe in, someone he could trust to hold on to.

Ray sank back into the chair. “God… there’s so much I need to tell you, but not now. You need time to process and see if anything comes back on its own. But yeah _, Ben… you trust me.”_

 

Ray reluctantly left Fraser so he could rest for a few hours but promised he would return in the early evening to visit some more and hopefully restore some lost memories.

There was something about Ray that was bothering Fraser but he couldn’t put his finger on it and his lack of memory recall was beginning to frighten him. What if he didn’t get his memory back? Could he trust Ray enough help him begin a new future? These thoughts invaded his mind as he drifted off to a restless sleep.

 

Ray stopped by the nurse’s station before he left the hospital. He wanted to tell Mary that he would be back later to visit Fraser and to thank her for her kindness. He needed to get a car rented today and then make it to the police station. He didn’t get any of his work done yesterday and he thought he could get a few reports done while Fraser was resting.

 

After renting a car, Ray made his way to the police station. He was greeted by Francesca and he filled her in on Fraser’s condition this morning. He ruffled Dief’s fur and slipped him a doughnut he had bought on the way in. “He’s going to be okay, Dief. It may take us a while to get him back. He’s in there; he just needs to find his way out.” Ray gave Frannie a hug and kiss on the cheek. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome, bro.” she replied with familiar affection. “Welsh wanted to see you when you got in.”

Ray deposited his things on his desk and then knocked on Lieutenant Welsh’s office door. He entered after hearing the gruff command and shut the door. “You wanted to see me Lieu?” Ray asked.

“Have a seat, Ray.” Welsh motioned to the chair next to Ray. “We need to talk about a few things.”

“If this is about those reports, Sir, I promise they will be on your desk by the end of the day.” Ray knew it had to be something else but was hoping it would be something simple this time. Whenever Welsh asked you to sit down, you were either in trouble or something bad had happened. Today, he would take being in trouble.

“Your reports are never on time, Vecchio. Why should today be any different? No, I wanted to tell you the bad news before someone else told you. Your friend Jimmy has given us the slip.”  Welsh explained. He already knew how Ray was going to react.

“ _Fuc_ k… I thought you said you were bringing him in. Come on Lieu, you said you had him. What happened?” Ray ran his hands through his hair and he let out another explicative. Welsh flinched.

“We have someone on the way to the hospital to guard Fraser’s door. He’ll screw up, Ray. Let us do our jobs, okay?” Welsh could sympathize with Ray. It was hard enough seeing Fraser in the hospital suffering. Knowing that the guy that was responsible for putting him there had just avoided being captured, wasn’t an easy pill to swallow.

_“Fuck…”_ Ray swore again, then turned to leave. “Can this get any worse?” He had the door opened and was halfway through it when Welsh called him back.

“Vecchio, there’s more.” Ray turned and glared at Welsh. “Inspector Thatcher was here earlier and is planning on having Fraser moved to a hospital in Canada tomorrow morning.”

Ray turned, walked out the door and slammed it.

Welsh flinched in his seat again. “I guess that means I won’t be getting any reports today.”

 

“Frannie, I need your help and maybe some advice.” Ray’s eyes begged Frannie to agree to help him.

“Sure, whatever you need.” She agreed immediately.

“You’re an angel. Help me sneak Dief into the hospital. The Ice Queen wants to move Fraser to a Canadian hospital tomorrow.” Ray explained frantically. “Maybe seeing Diefenbaker will help kick start his memory.”

“That’s a great idea!” Francesca agreed eagerly. “Hold on a minute. I have the perfect disguise for him.” She went to the supply closet at the end of the hallway and returned holding a ‘Service Animal: Guide Dog’ sash to place on Diefenbaker to get him into the hospital.

“Frannie, you’re a genius. Come on. Maybe seeing you will trigger something in Fraser’s head as well.” Ray and Frannie left the squad room and helped Dief into the car. They had no trouble getting Diefenbaker past any of the hospital staff. When they approached Fraser’s room, Ray saw Inspector Thatcher and Fraser’s doctor having what looked like a heated argument. Ray and Francesca approached slowly.

“What’s going on here? Is there a problem with Fraser? Is he okay” Ray asked concerned.

Inspector Thatcher glared at him and answered for the doctor. “There is no problem with Constable Fraser except that he has no memory, he has a broken arm and he won’t be ready to report for duty in two weeks like he is supposed to,” she yelled at Ray. “And this doctor here won’t release Fraser into my care so I can take him back to Canada.” Her voice was getting louder.

The doctor tried reasoning with her but she held up her hand to silence him. She glared at Ray. “Don’t think that I don’t know that you are behind this. He didn’t want to go. He wanted to stay here; god only knows why… he’s been here long enough. You have two weeks to do whatever it is you need to do, Detective. Two weeks to say your goodbyes and then he is to be back on Canadian soil, with or without his memory. Do I make myself clear?” Thatcher never gave Ray a chance to answer, but stormed past the two friends and the stunned Doctor and headed for the exit.

“I am glad that you arrived when you did. She wasn’t listening to reason. Mr. Fraser is in no shape to be traveling any amount of distance,” the doctor explained. “He needs rest and he needs to be able to relax and I highly doubt he would get that in her care. He has just woken up and has been asking for you.”

Ray’s face lit up. “He remembers me?”

“I’m sorry. I should have been more clear, he remembers you from earlier. He asked if you would be returning. You may go in if you like, and the dog is welcome as well.” The doctor smiled at the three of them and opened the door leading into Fraser’s room.

Dief yipped, but Ray gave the half- wolf a stern look. ‘I can’t tell him you’re a half-wolf. You’re going to have to live with the insult this once if you want to see Fraser.’ He hoped Dief could read his mind.

When Fraser laid eyes on Diefenbaker his whole face lit up like a Christmas tree. The wolf made his way to the bed as quickly as his broken leg would allow. Ray picked up Dief’s front paws and placed them near Fraser’s right hand so they could touch each other. It was the happiest reunion Ray and Francesca had ever witnessed. Fraser rubbed Dief’s head while Diefenbaker was busy licking every spot of bare flesh he could get his tongue on.

“A happy reunion,” Francesca beamed.

Fraser looked up from rubbing Dief’s ears as he noticed Francesca for the first time. He stared at her and tried to recall her from his memory. “I’m terribly sorry; I don’t seem to be able to remember you.”

Frannie looked hurt for two seconds and Ray stepped in and re introduced the two. “Fraser, this is Frannie Vecchio…” Ray stopped when he saw the confusion return to Fraser’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“Are the two of you married?” Fraser asked quietly, not willing to look Ray in the eyes.

Francesca laughed loudly and slapped Ray on the back. “God no… we’d kill each other.”

Ray was watching Fraser intently and he caught his small sigh of relief. He smiled at Fraser and Fraser smiled back.

Frannie could sense the shift of moods in the room and made a decision. “Fraser, I would love to stay and fill your brain with everything I know, but I think that you will learn more from Ray here.” She went over to the bed and took Fraser’s free hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. I’m so glad you’re okay. Give Ray a chance, okay.” Before Fraser could respond, she turned to Ray, gave him a hug and whispered in his ear, “Tell him, he deserves to know.”

“Frannie…” Ray whispered back. She stopped him quickly.

“That’s my advice Ray, that’s what you wanted, right? He needs something to hold on to, let it be you.” She hugged him again and waved good bye to Fraser. When the door closed Ray turned his gaze back towards Fraser. Fraser wore a very perplexed expression.

“Is there something I’m missing, besides the past four years?” Fraser questioned Ray.

Ray sucked in a breath and held it. He let it out slowly and pulled the chair up to Fraser’s bed and sat down. “There’s a lot you’re missing, a lot about work and a lot about home, where you live and have lived… and a lot about me. I have some things that I want to tell you, that _I need_ to tell you, but I’m afraid that it will be too much for you and it will ruin everything you and I have worked for together. I’ll leave it up to you to let me know what you want to know and what you don’t. I’ll answer anything you ask me.” He was nervous and shaking. This could take a downward spiral very quickly and get very ugly and then Fraser would be begging the Ice Queen to haul him back to Canada.

Fraser just sat there and stared at Ray. “Oaky, I want to know everything… good and bad.”

Ray settled into his chair and locked eyes with Fraser. “You sure?”

“Yes…” Fraser replied. “I want to know what I’m forgetting.” He stared at Ray and cocked his head as if something dawned on him. “You’re not Italian.”

“I’m undercover as Ray Vecchio. Francesca is his real sister, not mine. My name’s, Ray Kowalski.” Ray explained as Fraser absorbed the information. “You and I have been partners for almost a year.”

“I had a dream, while I was sleeping earlier today, after you had left,” Fraser began to explain. His blue eyes were locked tightly on to Ray’s.

Ray wondered where this side story was going. He wanted to tell Fraser about their relationship or at least build up to it so he could maybe figure it out on his own. “Yeah… what kind of dream?” Ray asked. ‘Why was Fraser sidetracking things with a damn dream?’

“I had a dream about you, but it really made no sense to me. Maybe if I tell you, you could perhaps explain it to me.” Fraser’s eyes were searching… searching for answers.

“I can try. I’m no expert when it comes to dreams though.” Ray explained. “What was going on in this dream of yours?”

Fraser’s hand was trembling when he began to speak. Ray quickly took it into his and laced their fingers and gave it a squeeze. Fraser looked from their hands to Ray’s eyes and never looked away. His voice was shaking. “I dreamt that you were on a ship, but you were drowning…” A single tear slipped down Fraser’s bruised cheek. “It scared the hell out of me, _but I was able to save you.”_

Ray’s own tears began to fall with Fraser’s. _“You remember…”_

 


	12. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again for you great feedback!

“You’re remembering, Ben… that’s great.” Ray still had a hold of Fraser’s hand and he leaned forward to freely kiss him but stopped himself. What if Fraser didn’t remember all of _that part?_ He would have some serious explaining to do and he didn’t want to make Fraser any more uncomfortable than he already was. He reeled his emotions back in and settled on simply squeezing Fraser’s uninjured shoulder, but he held tight to Fraser’s hand. He needed some form of connection to the man he loved and if all he could get was holding his hand, that’s what he would take.

 Fraser didn’t look ready to celebrate his recent discovery. “Ray…please don’t get too excited. I can’t even tell you if what I dreamed was real or not. I have no memory of any details.” Fraser dried his eye and winced when his fingers brushed across the angry bruises on his cheek. “The dream certainly felt real. You said that I remembered… did I really save you from drowning? On a ship?” Fraser tried wrapping his brain around how you could drown on a ship but was coming up empty.

Ray’s smile dropped off of his face momentarily but soon returned. “Ben, if you can dream it… then it’s still in there. We just need to figure out how to bring all your memories back to the surface. And yes, the ship was sinking and we had to swim underwater a really long way and I can’t swim, but I had to learn quick. I ran out of air and you performed your standard procedure buddy- breathing. Then, we found our way to the surface.”

Fraser pondered this new information for a moment. Ray was hoping the mention of the buddy-breathing would trigger some more recollection, but so far he saw nothing in Fraser’s eyes.

“That’s wonderful that I could put my training to good use. I don’t believe I have ever had to perform buddy- breathing before.” Fraser laid his head back into his pillow. He turned his gaze back towards Ray and finally seemed to notice the death grip Ray had on his hand. “Was there more to that particular memory, Ray, I should know about?”

Ray looked at their hands and then to Fraser’s face. ‘God if you only knew, Ben.’ “That was a very complicated case, Fraser. If you can’t remember all the details now, I would rather wait until more of your memory comes back before I try and explain it all.” Ray reluctantly let go of Fraser’s hand and sat back into his chair. Ben didn’t know him any better now than he did a day ago. Ray wasn’t about to give up hope.

Fraser was frustrated at his lack of memory recall. When he had the dream and asked Ray about it, he was hoping his memories would start to fall into place. There was nothing new that registered, just the sight of Ray’s face underwater looking panic stricken. There was something Fraser couldn’t put his finger on that was bothering him.

“Fraser, forget about your memory for a while. Okay, we can focus on that later.” Ray tried to lift Fraser’s spirits.

“I’m sorry Ray that I can’t remember anything else about my dream. There’s simply no recollection of any details.” Fraser was frustrated with himself and it was starting to show on his face.

“It’s okay, we have all the time in the world for you to get your memory back. I’m a terrible friend… I haven’t even asked you how you’re feeling from the accident, physically that is… we all know your brain isn’t working right.” Ray chuckled and smiled at his friend.

Fraser had a smile of his own for that remark. “I‘ve been told in the past that my brain is wired a little differently than others.  As for how I feel? Lousy would pretty much cover all the bases.  I’ve been told I have a broken arm, some cracked ribs and a gash to the head. It all hurts but it could be worse, right? I was told I ran a red light. I’m usually a very cautious driver. I don’t know what happened, obviously.” Fraser sighed and rubbed his eyebrow again and bit his lower lip. He looked at Ray and frowned. “What do you know about the accident?” The cop in Fraser never went off duty, even injured and lying in a hospital bed.

Ray rubbed his hands together and leaned his head forward. “That’s a little complicated as well.” Ray looked up to see Fraser staring at him with those intense blue eyes. “You were driving my car and we found out the brake lines had been cut. There was no way for you to stop. It is still an ongoing investigation so I can’t tell you too much more.” Ray had just told Fraser a bold face lie. He mentally kicked himself in the head.  There was a whole lot more he could tell him, but it was far too complicated to get into now. Fraser needed to concentrate on the happy memories, not _Jimmy_.

“They’ve told me that I can go home tomorrow.” Fraser solemnly told Ray. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet.”

Ray was excited. “Greatness! That’s great news, Frase.” Maybe if he could get him into some familiar surroundings, memories would begin to click into place and he would have Ben back.

“Is it great news, Ray? I can’t remember where I live.” Fraser’s voice held an unfamiliar edge.

‘He was definitely frustrated’, Ray noted to himself. “It’s okay Ben, I’m going to help you.”

“Ray, in case you haven’t noticed… I’m not going to be able to do a whole lot for myself for a while. I can’t expect you to be there twenty four hours a day to help me.” Fraser let out a sigh and turned his head towards the window. How was he going to manage being at home, wherever that was, by himself?

“Ben, look at me.” Fraser reluctantly looked at Ray and winced from the pain. “Do you need some pain meds? Are you hurting?” Ray asked him. He knew the Mountie was hurting but would most likely decline the pain medication. Fraser surprised him.

“I might need something. I’m having trouble focusing on something as simple as going home.” Fraser admitted. “Would you mind buzzing the nurse for me?

The nurse was called and she adjusted Fraser’s pain meds. “The doctor is making his rounds and will be in shortly to discuss going home tomorrow. Are you up for that Mr. Fraser?”

“Going home? I’m not exactly sure I could tell you where that is.” Fraser explained with a touch of sadness.

“Well, I’m sure your friend here knows where it is. He seems eager to help you get your memory back. The doctor will be in shortly.” She patted Fraser’s arm and gave Ray a warm smile before leaving the room.

 Five minutes later the doctor arrived. He checked over Fraser’s injuries, poked and prodded him until Fraser began showing signs of discomfort and then began the speech about going home that Fraser was semi- dreading.

“I believe that by tomorrow after noon , we can have you discharged and ready to return home. Mr. Vecchio here has already told us that he would make sure that you do what you are told and make sure that you take your pain medication. We will be switching you over to oral meds later this evening and then, if those sit well, we will remove the IV. I will stop by tomorrow morning to sign your discharge papers and give you instructions for home, what to do, what not to do… that sort of thing. We want to get you healed up nicely and not have to worry about that break not healing. Do you have any questions for me?” The doctor was looking at both Fraser and Ray. Fraser shook his head ’No’.

 Ray, on the other hand, had a few questions for the doctor. “What can I do for his memory?”

“Like I mentioned earlier when we spoke, it’s all really a matter of time and healing and some patience. Surround him with familiar faces, familiar objects, but don’t overdo it. Looking at pictures can sometimes help trigger memory recall.” The doctor explained to both men.

“What about work?” Ray questioned.

“Oh, he won’t be going to work for a while.” The doctor looked shocked that Ray would even ask such a question.

“I’m not stupid… of course he can’t work.  We’re partners, what about going over old cases together. Will that help? I can bring some files home with me and go over them with him.” Ray was a little annoyed.

“I’m sorry, I should have understood what you meant. Going over files would be fine, but wait a few days for that. Let him get settled into a routine at home. If there is nothing else, I will see you in the morning, Mr. Fraser.” The doctor said his good-bye’s and left the room. Fraser tried to hide a yawn but failed.

“Hey, I’m going to go and let you get some sleep. I’ll take Dief home with me and then I will be back tomorrow to take you home. Do you need anything before I go?” Ray didn’t want to leave but he needed to let him rest. Once Fraser was home, he wouldn’t have to leave him, he could just crash on the _couch._ Oh… that hurt his heart. He would much rather crawl into bed with Fraser. But until Fraser could remember anything more, it would have to be hands off. ‘God this sucked’ Ray thought bitterly. He loved Fraser and he couldn’t even show him or tell him. Well, he could, but what kind of reaction would Fraser have to that?

“Thank you kindly, Ray, for everything.” Fraser gave Ray a warm smile. “I will see you tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow it is. Come on, Dief. I’ll get you a doughnut on the way home.” Ray knew that would ruffle Fraser’s feathers, at least it would have before he lost the last four years.

“Ray, Diefenbaker doesn’t need doughnuts. He eats far too many of them as it is.” Dief yipped at Fraser. “Well, it’s true, you do. No use arguing about it.”

“Hey…” Ray’s eyes were wide. “You remembered something else. You never give Dief doughnuts, only I do.”

Fraser had a smile of his own. “Why can’t I remember any details about any of that?” Fraser was agitated.

“Hey, don’t go beating yourself up, okay. You’ve remembered a couple things now, even if it’s just a ghost of a memory… it’s still there.” Ray reassured Fraser. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

Ray left with Diefenbaker still drooling for a doughnut and Fraser couldn’t help but smile a little. He did remember something, _kind of._ He would just have to be patient. His thoughts began to drift back to going home and how difficult that was going to be. First, as he’s already told everyone that would listen, he doesn’t remember where that is and once there, could he really take care of himself with a broken arm that had to be surgically repaired and broken ribs. He was pretty sure Ray was going to stick around to help him, but they were partners, right? He couldn’t figure out why he would put so much effort into his well- being. He was sure they were good friends, but then Ray _was_ holding his hand an awful lot the last two days. Maybe he was reading something that wasn’t there and since when did he think that way anyway? ‘Well, I can’t remember anything from the past four years… maybe I’ve changed’. Tomorrow he vowed to get to the bottom of things. With that on his mind, he drifted off to sleep.

 

Ray took Dief back to his apartment and then went to the station. He wanted to check to see if there were any new leads on Jimmy’s whereabouts. He also needed to get his car keys to get his key to Fraser’s place. Even if Fraser didn’t remember his own apartment, Ray was sure he would be much more comfortable amongst his own belongings. What Ray wouldn’t give just to wrap his arms around him, press him up against a wall and kiss him until Fraser buddy- breathed some air back into him. ‘Cool it Kowalski’ he warned himself. ‘Don’t go scaring the guy five minutes into being home.’

He retrieved his keys from Welsh, learned they had no leads on where Jimmy might be so, he grabbed a bite to eat and a doughnut for Dief and went back home. Ray thought back to what Francesca had told him at the hospital. ‘He needs someone to hold on to, let it be you.’ Ray picked up the phone and called Francesca.

“Frannie, it’s Ray. I need your advice.” Ray begged over the phone. “You know Fraser, should I tell him, or let him figure it out by himself?”

“’Good evening, Francesca. How are you this evening?’ God, Ray… could you be a little less demanding? What did I tell you at the hospital? I think you need to tell him. He deserves to know.” Frannie scolded Ray. “Where are your manners, by the way?”

“I’m sorry, Frannie. I’m just freaking out. What if I tell him and _he_ freaks out? Wouldn’t it be best if he figured it out on his own?” Ray apologized quickly and then tried to explain his dilemma.

“Ray… put yourself in his shoes. You wake up from a horrible car accident.  You have no memory of anything for the last four years and there’s this guy going out of his way to be nice to you, but he never explains why, except that you’re friends. And then one day, who knows how far down the road it’s going to be, a light bulb goes off and he suddenly remembers everything about you and everything you’ve shared and he wonders ‘ _Why didn’t he ever tell me?’_ How do you think that is going to make him feel? Like he can’t trust you to tell him what needs to be said, no matter how difficult it may be to hear. It could help his recovery, Ray. Look at all the time you would have lost. If he never remembers, God forbid, then you can start anew with him. He loves you and you love him, you just need to show him.” Frannie explained to Ray and was hoping he was listening.

“But… what if…” Ray couldn’t bare to say it. “What if he doesn’t want to move things forward? What if he doesn’t want anything to do with me once I tell him. _What if he freaks out_?”

“Like you are now? Ray, you don’t give Fraser enough credit. _He loves you_ … you don’t forget love.” She said softly.

“God, you’re right. Thank you, Frannie. He will be home tomorrow afternoon if you want to stop over.” Ray knew what he had to do when he got Fraser settled, but boy was that going to be a difficult conversation. Ray thanked Frannie again and hung up the phone. He showered and crawled into bed and tried to work through a conversation in his head with Fraser… no, _with Ben_. He wasn’t a coward… he could do this.

 

The following morning Ray arrived at the hospital and was greeted by Mary. “Good morning, Ray. How are  you this morning?”

“I’m a little nervous about taking Ben home.” Ray admitted. “I’ve been trying to decide if I should tell him about us. What do you think?”

“I think you should follow your heart, dear Ray. Ben slept well last night. He is a little agitated this morning, but I believe that is stemming from being nervous about going home. His doctor has already signed his discharge papers and explained when he needs to return to his regular doctor for follow up visits for his injuries. So, whenever he is dressed and ready. You are free to take him. Just don’t push him and be patient.”

Ray pulled Mary into a warm hug. “Thank you for all of your help. I brought some clothes for him. Can you show me how to help him get dressed without hurting him?”

“Follow me, Ray.” Mary nodded towards Fraser’s room.

Fraser was reluctant about allowing anyone to help him, man or woman, get dressed into civilian clothing but he knew once he actually sat on the edge of the bed, he was going to need help, and not just here at the hospital. He silently hoped that Ray was really serious about sticking around to help him.

Once dressed, he felt like he had just run a marathon and was more than ready to rest again. Ray helped him into the awaiting wheelchair, ‘Hospital policy’, Mary had said and pushed him towards the exit and the waiting car to take him home. Mary had thankfully given him a stronger dose of his pain meds for the ride home. He winced and held his breath every time Ray had hit a dip in the road and he thanked the heavens above when they pulled into the parking lot for what looked like apartment buildings.

“Here we are, home sweet home.” Ray said cheerfully. He got out and went to Fraser’s side of the car to open the door and help him out. Fraser winced with every movement. “Easy, okay, take your time. I’ve got you.”

Fraser was breathing heavy when he finally got himself out of the car. “I’m okay… just hurts more than I was expecting.”

“Come on, let’s get you inside and settled so you can rest. Frannie has Dief and is going to bring him over later this evening.” Ray led Fraser into the building and was thankful this apartment building had an elevator. He suddenly remembered Jimmy moving in two doors down from Fraser and wondered if it would be wise for them to even stay at Fraser’s apartment. He knew Fraser though, and that meant they would be staying. He doubted Jimmy would be dumb enough to come back to his apartment anyway. He didn’t always use all of his brains, but he surely wasn’t _that dumb_ , especially if he knew the police were looking for him. It dawned on Ray that Jimmy probably thought he had been in the accident, not Fraser. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all. Ray sighed and Fraser noticed his apprehension when they hadn’t moved out of the elevator.

“Is this my floor?” Fraser asked. “Is everything all right, Ray?”

Ray pulled himself together. “Yeah, everything is fine.” Ray ushered him out of the elevator and down the hall to apartment 307. Here we are.” Ray opened the door and Fraser stepped into his home. He took in his surroundings and noted the half unpacked boxes scattered across the floor from the kitchen into what he assumed was the living room. He turned to Ray with a questioning look. “I thought you said I’ve lived here for four years. Was I moving?”

Ray had forgotten about the boxes that they had still been in the process of unpacking the last time they were here. “You actually just moved in last week. About a year ago you were home back in the Yukon Territories on a little vacation and when you came back to Chicago, your apartment building had been burned down.” Ray smiled at the memory of meeting Fraser that first day. Fraser noticed.

“It’s the Northwest Territories or the Yukon, Ray. My apartment building burning is amusing to you?” Fraser sounded pissy.

“What? No… _god no_. I was remembering that was the first day you and I had met. You were just as confused that day as you are now. You spent the whole day trying to figure out how I wasn’t the real Ray Vecchio. I was under the impression that someone had told you about me being under cover, but apparently not.”

“Ah, I see… well sort of.” Fraser smiled, his gaze returning to the boxes. “So, where was I living, before I moved here?” Fraser had moved further into the apartment and was glancing over the boxes and the furniture, trying to force himself to remember.

“You were staying at the Canadian Consulate. The Ice Queen was kind enough to let you stay there. You had a cot in your office.” Ray couldn’t believe Fraser had actually slept on that tiny thing.

“Ice Queen?” Fraser questioned.

“Yeah, well, that’s what I call her. It’s Inspector Thatcher to everyone else that actually respects her or is scared of her. She’s your boss.”

“My superior officer.” Fraser nodded. “I believe I heard her yelling outside my door at one point while I was in the hospital.”

“Yeah, that was her. We don’t exactly see eye to eye on a lot of things.” Ray shrugged. “So, does anything look familiar?” Ray watched Fraser intently as he made his way around the apartment.

Fraser would stop and pick up an object and then replace it exactly how he had found it. He ran his hand along the back of the couch and stopped at the wool blanket. It was cream colored with thick red and blue alternating stripes. Fraser’s face held a faint smile. “This was my grandfather’s blanket. He gave it to me when I was twelve.” Fraser continued through the living room and stopped at a shelf of books that had already been put away. He pulled a small, tattered leather bound book off the shelf and flipped open the cover. He ran his fingers across the pages that contained his father’s hand writing. “My father’s journals,” he said quietly.

 Fraser held onto the small book and made his way towards what he assumed was the bedroom. Ray followed at a distance allowing Fraser some space. “Ray… why on earth do I have such a large bed?” Fraser went over to the bed and sat down on its edge. He locked eyes with Ray. “What aren’t you telling me?”

Ray folded his arms and leaned against the wall and held Fraser’s gaze. Those intense blue eyes were enough to give him his courage. This was it… _do or die._ God, where to start? Ray sucked in a shaky breath and slowly released it through his nose. He pushed a foot into the wall and slowly made his way over to Fraser on shaking legs. “Ben, this may be hard for you to hear.”

Fraser followed him with longing in his eyes. He needed something to connect to… someone to hold on to. “Are you trying to protect me from something? Something I shouldn’t remember?”

“No… I want you to remember, I need you to remember and it’s killing me that you don’t.” Ray couldn’t place the right words on his tongue.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t recall anything. I’ve been trying but I keep coming up with a blank slate. The only thing I keep seeing is your face and the panic on it when you ran out of air and that’s…” Fraser stopped and ran his finger over his lips. There was the ghost of a memory that wasn’t making itself clear to him. “That’s when I performed the buddy- breathing.” Fraser completed his thought, but was still unsure if that’s all there was to it.

“You saved me, Ben, and I will be eternally grateful.” Ray still held Fraser’s gaze.

“There’s more to that buddy- breathing… more that you’re not telling me.” Fraser accused Ray of holding back. “What is it?”

“I’m not sure you’re ready to hear it…” No… ‘ _I’m not sure I’m ready to tell you’_. Ray corrected himself in his head. What if Fraser reacted badly to hearing about their relationship.

“ _Please, trust me_ , _Ray_ … I need to know.” Fraser begged Ray with his eyes. If Ray wasn’t going to take the first step, he would. He suddenly had a weird feeling of déjà vu. “Our relationship changed that day, didn’t it? I think…” Fraser paused. “ _I think_ …   _I’ve loved you before_ … before I lost four years. Am I wrong? Is that what you’ve been keeping from me?”

“What do you want from me, Fraser? I can’t remember for you and it’s killing me to have these feelings that can’t be returned by you because you can’t remember. Ray closed his eyes and fought back the tears. He thought he could tell Fraser everything about them but now, he wasn’t so sure.

“How about you try a little honesty, Ray, both with me and with yourself. I’m not a fragile child and I like to think that I am fairly open- minded. Help me put the pieces back together _, please_.” Fraser was begging Ray for his help in understanding.

“ _I love you so fucking much…_ and its killing me to see you hurt, with no memory of _us_.” Ray blurted out. He dropped to his knees in front of Fraser and locked both his hands around Fraser’s good one. He laced their fingers together and squeezed tightly. “I’m sorry…I’m just afraid I’m going to lose you.”

“Ray… _Ray_ , look at me.” Fraser took their joined hands and raised Ray’s chin so he could look in his eyes. “Do I look like I’m running away scared?”

“Ben, I’m sorry. I was worried you would freak.” Ray dried his eyes on the shoulder of his t-shirt, not willing to let go of Fraser’s hand. When he looked back at Fraser’s face, he was wearing a smile. “What are you all grins about?”

_“Freak_ … you call me a freak.” Fraser stated clearly.

Ray sprung to his feet, placed his hands on both sides of Fraser’s face and kissed him deeply. Fraser parted his lips and welcomed Ray’s invading tongue. Fraser couldn’t recollect anything of their relationship, but kissing Ray felt strangely familiar and he welcomed it with open arms.

 Ray reluctantly let go of his lips and they both were gasping for air. “Would you show me how that _buddy- breathing_ works again, Ben? I think…   _I forgot_.”

“Ray, I still don’t remember anything concrete… _about anything_.” Fraser admitted between Ray’s kisses.

“It’s okay, Ben. I will help you remember, _trust me_.” Ray captured Fraser’s smiling lips in another passionate kiss. They were both going to be needing buddy-breathing soon if they didn’t come up for air. Neither one was willing to let go of the other.


	13. New Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost there... just a little bit further. Thanks again to everyone following this story and for all of the wonderful feedback I have been given. I have been blessed. Please read and enjoy and as always... your comments are more than welcome.

Ray slowly released Fraser’s lips and tried to catch his breath.

“So, you and me, huh?” Fraser questioned with a small smile.

“Yeah, Ben… _you and me_ ,” Ray replied and went in for another kiss.

Fraser leaned back and avoided Ray’s advances. “How long? How long have we been uh… together?”

“About a month. Are you okay? You’re not freaking out are you?” Ray asked.

Fraser shook his head ‘No’, but Ray had already turned around and was pacing.

“Dammit… I told Frannie you would freak out.” Ray ran his fingers through his hair, upending it even more than it already was.

“Ray…” Fraser tried to get the blonds attention.

“God, why do I listen to her?” Ray continued his rant.

“Ray…” Fraser couldn’t help but let out a small laugh.

 “Just keep your mouth shut, Ray… that’s what I should have done. Let him figure it out on his own.” Ray was on a roll.

 _“Ray!”_  Fraser put some force behind the name and winced when his cracked ribs protested.

 _“What?”_ Ray stopped pacing and looked at Fraser. He breathing was ragged and Ray could tell he was hurting.

“Stop, with the ranting and pacing already… _please.”_ Fraser patted the bed next to him. “Sit down… I’m glad you told me. I’m pleased to know that that I’m not alone in this crazy city.” Fraser admitted with a smile.

Ray carefully sat down next to Fraser. “So, you’re not freaked out that you’re getting it on with your male partner?” Ray questioned.

“A little surprised, perhaps, but freaked out… no. And by ‘ _getting it on’…_ you mean we’re…” Fraser wasn’t sure he could say the words.

“Having sex…yes,” Ray finished his thought.

“Ah, I see. Ray, I’m uh…” Fraser knuckle swiped his eyebrow and bit the corner of his lip. “I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet. It may take some getting used to the idea of sleeping with you.” Fraser admitted shyly. He didn’t want to hurt Ray’s feelings, but sex with Ray was a huge step for him at this particular juncture.

“Don’t worry Ben… you need to get healed up first anyway. You’re in no shape for extracurricular activities at the moment.” Ray took Fraser’s hand and squeezed it.

Fraser sighed with relief. “I just need you to be patient with me, okay… that’s all I’m asking.”

“Absolutely, and if anything makes you uncomfortable, you need to tell me. I don’t read minds so well.” Ray rubbed Fraser’s hand.

Fraser agreed with a slow shake of his head. He was getting tired and knew that he should rest but he wanted to learn more about Ray and their relationship at the same time.

Ray made the decision for him. “Come on, Ben. I think you need to get some rest. I will answer any questions you have about us when you wake up.”

Fraser let out a small laugh. “I thought you said you couldn’t read minds, Ray.”

Ray stood up from the bed and picked up the discarded journal Fraser had laid down earlier. He placed it on the bedside table and turned back to Fraser. “I said I don’t read minds _very well_.” Ray bent over to remove Fraser’s boots and placed them at the foot of the bed.

“Will you be staying?” Fraser was concerned about being alone. “I mean…. you don’t have to, I’m sure you have other things you need to do other than sit here with me.”

Ray silenced Fraser with a finger pressed to his lips. “Yes I’ll stay… I’m not going anywhere.”

Fraser let out a sigh. Ray’s touch was familiar and he welcomed it. Ray pulled the covers back while Fraser scooted further onto the bed. Ray helped him lift his legs up and propped a couple of pillows behind his back and side for his injured arm. Ray pulled the covers over Fraser’s legs and up to his chest. “I’ll be here when you wake up, okay.”

Fraser wasn’t sure exactly why he was scared to be alone. He knew with his injuries he was going to be needing help with simple tasks, but something else was bothering him that he couldn’t place. ‘What else is new?’ he thought with a hint of resignation. Nothing was familiar, nothing except maybe Ray’s touch, and even that wasn’t making much sense? How could he remember Ray’s touch, but not the man himself? He settled into the pillows and got as comfortable as his injuries would allow. He fell into a restless sleep.

 

Ray pulled the door closed to Fraser’s bedroom and made his way to the entryway to lock the door. If Jimmy was still around, he didn’t want to give him easy access to Fraser. He would have no way of defending himself with a broken arm and cracked ribs. Ray thought back to his beloved car. Jimmy was trying to hurt him, not Fraser. He wanted to get him out of the way so he could have Fraser to himself. ‘As if…’ Ray thought to himself. He needed to keep himself busy. He looked around at the boxes scattered across the floor and decided he would unpack the rest of the boxes for Fraser. He wouldn’t be able to do it himself anytime soon anyway.

Ray was well into his third box when he stopped. He looked at the wrinkled postcard he held in his hands. It was addressed to Fraser. Turning it over he looked at the picture and realized it was from Vecchio, the real Vecchio. He recognized the handwriting from all the files he had to read when he took this undercover gig. The postcard had shown up in his mail at the station and he remembered giving it to Fraser that first night they had met. Fraser had looked torn when he realized who it was from and then suddenly had asked Ray to have dinner with him. Ray smiled at the memory… _duets_. From the beginning, he and Fraser were a duet. Ray vowed that nothing was going to tear them apart, not the Ice Queen, not Jimmy and not something as evil as memory loss.

Ray placed the postcard on the countertop and began searching through the remainder of the boxes for other things that may help trigger Fraser’s memory. He came across a stub for the Chicago Zoo and wondered why Fraser would keep a ticket stub to the zoo. It had fallen out of a book Fraser must have been reading at one point and he must have used it as a bookmark. He looked the stub over again and then it clicked… _Victoria_. He remembered reading about it in Vecchio’s files. The zoo is where Fraser and Victoria had run into that Jolly guy that was killed, with Fraser’s gun. That’s where the scar on Fraser’s hand came from. Jolly had slashed his hand with a knife while he was dangling from the railing.

Ray sat down on the floor in front of the box and stared at the ticket stub still in his hand. Would Fraser remember Victoria? She was a part of his life before Chicago, but what about… what about the bullet in Fraser’s back? Ray really didn’t want to go down that memory lane with Fraser. It was dark and ugly and full of personal demons for Fraser. He slipped the ticket stub back into the book and placed it on a shelf, high out of Fraser’s injured reach. ‘ _That memory can wait_.’ Ray told himself.

Ray wasn’t getting anywhere with the boxes as far as memories were concerned. Fraser just didn’t keep mementos, except for a ‘damn ticket stub’, Ray thought bitterly. He wasn’t going there… he wasn’t. That was the past, he was Fraser’s future. Ray stood up, retrieved his cell phone and called Frannie. She still had Diefenbaker and Ray was sure she would like to visit with Fraser as well. After all, they were friends, too. She agreed to come over and bring pizza and Dief in about an hour.

 

Ray was busy putting the contents of the last box away when he heard Fraser shuffling out of the bedroom. He didn’t look like he had slept very well. Ray immediately shook two pain pills out of Fraser’s medicine bottle and gave them to Fraser along with an opened bottle of water.

Fraser began to protest but Ray stopped him. “Please, Ben. I can tell your hurting. Just take them. Frannie is on the way with Dief and pizza. I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.”

“I am kind of hungry and I’m anxious to have Diefenbaker back with me.” Fraser took the offered pills and gingerly settled himself on the couch.

“Did you sleep well?” Ray asked as he folded down the last box and put in the pile to be recycled.

“Not exactly, I kept having strange dreams. None of which I can recall, though.” Fraser placed his feet on the couch and slowly pulled his knees towards his chest. “Is my furniture new?” Fraser ran his hand over the upholstery before looking up at Ray.

“Yeah, like I said. You just moved in last weekend. You and I went out last week and I helped you pick everything out.” Ray told him as he settled himself on the opposite end of the couch. He slowly pulled Fraser’s feet into his lap and began rubbing them. “Is this okay?” He asked unsure.

Fraser looked into Ray’s eyes and nodded. “Did you help pick out the bed as well?” Fraser questioned with a smirk.

“Actually, _you_ insisted on the king sized bed,” Ray stated. Fraser was staring at him with those intense blue eyes again and Ray had to fight back the urge to crawl to the other end of the couch and devour him with kisses. 

“Ah, I see. I may need a map to find my way around it.” Fraser returned Ray’s stare.

Ray’s breath hitched. “Are you messing with me? Are you sure you’ve lost your memory?”

“I assure you, Ray, I have no memory of you and I together. Why do you ask?” Fraser was confused. Was it something he had said?

“What you just said about needing a map to find your way around… I said that to you when we first made your bed. God, it’s starting to come back isn’t it…little by little?” Ray was making his way to the other end of the couch now.

He captured Fraser’s lips in a kiss before Fraser could confirm or deny anything concerning his memory. Ray didn’t care. He just wanted to feel Fraser’s lips against his again. Fraser parted his lips and Ray’s tongue began its exploration of Fraser’s mouth. Fraser took his right hand and pulled Ray closer.

When Ray came up for air, he noticed fresh tears in Fraser’s eyes. “What’s wrong? Am I hurting you?” Ray sat back on his heels.

“No, you’re not hurting me… I’m sorry I don’t remember us. I want to so badly… I long for your touch even though I can’t remember it. Does that make sense?” Fraser pulled Ray in for another kiss.

“That’s because you love me, Ben… and I love you and you don’t forget love.” Ray knew Frannie was a smart woman.

Ray released Fraser’s lips and reluctantly sat back on his heels again. “I gotta stop or I’m going to want more than kisses from you and that’s just not doable right now.” Ray got up from the couch and went into the kitchen. “Would you like some tea? ‘Cause I… _need a drink_.’ Ray pressed his hand into his groin and cursed.  ‘Damn Mountie…’

“If it makes you feel any better, Ray… I uh, appear to be having the same problem.” Fraser shifted on the couch and adjusted himself as well. ‘Damn broken arm…’

 

There was a knock at the door and Fraser’s head shot up. Ray could see sudden panic in his eyes. “What’s wrong?” He went to the door and looked through the peep-hole, half expecting to see Jimmy on the other side.

“I don’t know, I just had a weird feeling that something bad is about to happen?”  Fraser was breathing quickly and trying to stand up.”

“Sit down… it’s okay. It’s just Frannie and Dief. She brought us dinner fit for kings… pizza.” Ray unlocked the door and Frannie and Dief entered the apartment. She placed the pizza on the counter and Ray motioned for her to stay in the kitchen with him while Dief went to the couch to find Fraser.

Fraser settled once he laid eyes on his faithful companion. Diefenbaker limped as quickly as he could over to the couch and laid his head in Fraser’s lap. “My loyal friend, how are you, old boy?” Fraser scratched Dief’s head and rubbed behind his ears. Dief yipped. “I hope your memory is intact, boy because I can’t seem to recall much.” Dief yipped and nuzzled Fraser’s hand.  “So, Ray’s a good guy?” Fraser asked the half- wolf as he stared into the kitchen towards Ray. Dief yipped again and settled his head on Fraser’s lap. “Yeah, I think so, too.”

Frannie noticed the postcard laying on the countertop and picked it up. “What’s this?”

“I found it while I was unpacking boxes and thought it might help trigger Fraser’s memory. It came in my mail at the station the first day we met.” Ray explained as he took the post card from Francesca and flipped it over in his hands looking at both sides. “Ray sent it to him.”

Frannie took the postcard again and flipped it over. “How do you know it’s from him? There’s just a picture of snow.”

“Ben knew…” Ray smiled fondly at the memory. “He held a lighter up to it and a picture of him and Vecchio appeared. When it cooled off, the snow returned.” Ray started a pot of tea for Fraser and coffee for himself and Frannie. Frannie helped dish up pizza for all three of them and moved into the living room to say hello to Fraser. Ray followed with Fraser’s tea and set it down on the end table within Fraser’s reach. Frannie handed him a plate of Ray’s pineapple pizza.

“Thank you kindly, Francesca.”

Frannie smiled in return and sat down in the chair across from the couch while Ray took his place at the opposite end of Fraser.

“How are you feeling, now that you’re home, Fraser?” Frannie asked as she nibbled on her pizza.

“Well, the furnishings are much more comfortable than the hospitals. But Ray tells me I haven’t lived here for more than a week so, I’m not sure this feels like home yet.” Fraser was looking around his apartment still trying to force things to fall into place in his brain. He noticed the boxes were no longer scattered on the floor. “Where did all the boxes go, Ray?”

“Oh, I needed to get rid of some energy so I finished unpacking them. I didn’t think you would mind.” Ray was hoping Fraser wouldn’t be too upset with him.

“No, it’s fine. You will just have to show me where you put things.” Fraser was relieved that he wouldn’t have to do the unpacking himself. He could barely get out of bed by himself. He didn’t think he would have been able to unpack the remainder of the boxes. He didn’t usually leave things like unpacking, unfinished. He wondered why he hadn’t finished the task when he first started it. He would have to ask Ray later.

“Did Ray show you the postcard he found?” Frannie broke into his train of thought.

“No, what postcard?” Fraser was curious what she was talking about.

Ray got up off the couch and retrieved the postcard from the counter. He found a lighter in a drawer he had put away earlier and slipped it into his pocket. He wanted to see if Fraser could figure it out, without him telling him. Ray handed the postcard over to Fraser and watched his face for any signs of recognition.

Fraser turned the postcard over in his hands and studied it. “’Warm me up, it’s cold out here’… What does that mean?” Fraser asked aloud as he turned it over in his hands. “Ray, do you have a lighter?”

There it was… _a tiny spark_. Ray dug the lighter out of his pocket and handed it to Fraser.

Fraser didn’t notice the big smile on Ray’s face as he lit the lighter and danced the flame under the postcard. The snowy scenery morphed into a picture of him and another man. The other man had his arm draped over his shoulder and wore a big smile. Fraser looked up at Ray and then over to Francesca. “This is Ray… Ray Vecchio. Am I right? My partner and your brother.”

Frannie got up and kissed Fraser on the cheek. “You remember him?”

“I think so. He always wore these loud, colorful shirts.” Fraser smiled at the postcard in his hand.

“That’s Ray, all right. Can you remember anything else about him?” Frannie questioned.

Fraser’s smile faded. “No, but you… you’re hair used to be longer.”

Frannie threw her arms around Fraser’s neck and kissed his cheek. He winced loudly and she quickly let go. “Oh my god, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m just excited that you remembered something.”

“It’s ok, Francesca.” Fraser held his breath and let it out slowly trying to keep the pain in check.

She sat back down and started working on her pizza again. “It’s just fantastic that you’re remembering, even if it is little things.”

“There are just small things beginning to register. I can’t tell you anything about Ray, except for his colorful wardrobe… and that’s frustrating to me.” Fraser admitted to his friends.

“It’s okay Frase, it will all come back. Patience, remember.” Ray suggested with a smile.

“So, how much longer is Inspector Thatcher going to let you stay before she demands Ray return you to Canada?” Frannie asked a surprised Fraser.

“What are you talking about?” Fraser asked, dropping his own pizza to his plate.

“Frannie…” Ray warned. “You weren’t supposed to say anything to him.”

“I didn’t realize you hadn’t told him,” she shot back.

“Would someone mind telling _me_ what that means?” Fraser demanded.

“I think maybe I should go for now. It’s obvious that Ray has a few things to tell you.” Francesca deposited her plate in the kitchen and left quickly.

Ray dropped his head into his hands and cursed under his breath. He did not want to look at Fraser right now and see the hurt and possible distrust in his eyes. He wanted the oversized couch to swallow him whole.

“Ray, what is she talking about? Why am I supposed to go back to Canada?”  Fraser placed his plate of mostly uneaten pizza on the end table. He slowly slid down the couch and took Ray’s hand into his own. “Ray… what’s going on?”

“Shit… I didn’t want to have to tell you yet. “Ray paused, hoping Fraser would let it drop. Not likely.

“Tell me what? What is it you’re keeping from me?”

“The Ice Queen got you a posting back in Canada. You would be in charge of your own depot and it is supposed to be located somewhere near your cabin. You would get to go back home.” Ray explained defeated. He couldn’t look Fraser in the eyes.

“I don’t understand, Ray. Isn’t that a good thing?” Fraser was perplexed. Reality hit him like a two tone brick. “ _Oh… dear_.”

“Oh dear’s right, Ben. What’s that mean for _us_? Huh, except you can’t remember _us…”_ Ray was up off the couch and pacing. _“Fuck!”_

“How soon?” Fraser asked quietly?

“You are supposed to leave the beginning of next week.” Ray stopped his pacing and sat down on the arm of the couch.

“If I’m supposed to leave, why did you finish unpacking my boxes?” Fraser looked around and was still confused.

“Because I’m fighting for you, _dammit_. I don’t want you to go and leave me. The Ice Queen has had plenty of opportunities to haul you back to Canada. But no… she waits until your involved with someone before she finally decides it’s time to send you packing… no way.” Ray was clearly agitated.

“Surely, she can see I am in no shape to be of any service to the RCMP in my current condition. That should buy us, what… at least six weeks? I do have a broken arm after all.” Fraser smiled affectionately at Ray. “Is that what all the yelling was about at the hospital?”

“Yeah, she wanted to have you transferred to a hospital up North. Your doc put a quick stop to that one.” Ray slid down the couch closer to Fraser.

“What if I don’t want to go?” Fraser suddenly asked.

“It was a direct order from Ottawa. You told me you didn’t have a choice. What if I don’t want you to go?” Ray asked Fraser.

“Then when I get my marbles aligned correctly in my brain, I will see what I can do to stay.” Fraser smiled at him and pulled him close for a kiss. “Come on, I will help you clean up the pizza. I want to hear more about _us_.”

 

Ray and Fraser made their way to the kitchen and the put the last of the pizza into the fridge for later. Ray snuck Diefenbaker a piece while Fraser had his back turned and the wolf scarfed it down quickly. Ray washed their mugs and was drying them so he could place them back into the cupboard when he noticed Fraser holding his set of keys.

Fraser kept turning them over in his hands. He shrugged his good shoulder and placed them back on the counter. He thought there was something to them when he picked them up, but now… the feeling was gone and he had no memory to assign it to.

 

Fraser was lost in his thoughts when Ray snuck up behind him. Ray held him lightly around the waist and placed his chin on Fraser’s good shoulder. “Ben… have you figured out that I love you yet? Even if you never get your marbles realigned, I will always love you. I won’t give up on you remembering us.”

“Ray… I’m scared. What if I don’t remember everything?” It was Fraser’s turn to not be able to look Ray in the eye.

“Then we start over… simple enough. You fell in love with me once; I can make you fall in love with me again.” Ray kissed Fraser’s neck and they both sighed as Fraser leaned into Ray’s touch.

Fraser turned around and looked in Rays. “I think I want to lie down for a bit… will you join me?” he asked hesitantly. “I want to feel your touch… I can’t tell you why or how, but I remember your touch.”

“Of course…I’ll take what I can get.” Ray locked the door and led Fraser into the bedroom. He carefully helped him undress down to his boxer briefs and then helped him into bed. Ray adjusted the pillows behind Fraser before he undressed himself and climbed in the other side of the bed.

“Can I hold you?” Ray asked unsure how close Fraser was willing to let him get. “I’ll be careful.” Ray promised.

Fraser nodded and held his breath as the bed shifted and Ray moved closer. Ray settled his head beside Fraser’s right shoulder and began trailing his fingers softly across his chest.

“Ray…”Fraser began but was unsure how to continue. He didn’t want to sound stupid after all.

“What is it, Ben?” Ray was hypnotized by the strong beat of Fraser’s heart. He had almost fallen asleep in the few short minutes he had been in the bed with the man he loved.

“You promise not to laugh? It is an odd question.” Fraser asked still unsure.

“I promise. What is it?” ‘This ought to be good, Fraser afraid to ask a question.’ Ray smiled in the dark.

“Is there something about your keys that should mean something? I keep thinking about them but I don’t know why they should hold any importance to me. Do you know why?” Fraser asked seriously. He felt the bed shift beside him and Ray let out a shaky breath.

Ray sat up and leaned on his own elbow. “Ben, on that sinking ship, I was handcuffed to a pipe and you were sorting through my keys looking for my handcuff key. You couldn’t find it and you started in on my lack of organizational skills.” Ray began tracing along Fraser’s chest again. “One day we were heading to my place and you noticed I had organized my keys, taken off ones I no longer needed.”

Fraser placed his hand on top of Ray’s and locked their fingers. “You made room for me?” Fraser questioned.

Ray nuzzled Fraser’s neck. “Yeah… that’s one way to put it. I had to get rid of things I was holding on to, before I could let someone else in, and that someone _…was you_.” Ray moved from Fraser’s neck up to his lips and kissed him deeply. Fraser returned this kiss with everything he had, until his cracked ribs and broken arm began to protest.

He settled back into his pillows and Ray snuggled into his side and the two fell asleep. Ray had a firm grasp on Fraser’s right arm. Fraser was slowly finding his way home and Ray wasn’t about to let go. He was going to be Ben’s guide, no matter how long it took.

 

The following morning, Ray woke up long before Fraser. He got up and started his coffee. He found the stash of M&M’s Fraser had purchased for him before the accident and counted out a handful to drop in his coffee one it was ready. He pulled the green mug out of the cupboard and deposited the M&M’s into it while the coffee brewed. He decided on a quick shower to help wake up his tired brain. Fraser had done a lot of fidgeting in his sleep and Ray didn’t sleep very well next to the Mountie. He toweled off, got dressed into some lose fitting jeans and his favorite faded green t-shirt. He made his way back into the kitchen and started water in the new tea pot for Fraser. A hot cup of tea when the Mountie woke up would do him good.

Ray pulled one of Fraser’s father’s journals off the shelf and began reading it while he waited for Fraser to wake up. His father was an interesting man. Ray suddenly remembered that he never called his mom back. How long ago was that anyway? He added that to his list of things to do for the day. He smiled when he heard Fraser shuffling out of the bedroom. “Morning Ben… how did you sleep?”

Fraser sank slowly into the other end of the couch and held his breath. He was hurting this morning and he wasn’t hiding it very well from Ray. “Not very well. Would you mind getting me a couple of pills?”

Ray was up quickly. “I have some tea and toast for you as well if you are up for that.”

“That sounds wonderful. Thank you kindly, Ray.” Fraser sank further into the cushions. “Ray, do I know someone named Jimmy? I kept having a dream about a man named Jimmy last night, but I could never place where I knew him. I thought you might know.”

Ray dropped the plate he had just pulled out of the cupboard. “Shit… of everything for you to remember, it has to be him?”

“Is everything alright in there, Ray? Do I know a Jimmy?” Fraser couldn’t understand Ray’s sudden burst of anger.

“All you need to know for now is Jimmy is bad news.” Ray picked up the broken plate and cleaned up the chards of glass. Fraser was still staring at him waiting for him to finish the story. Ray sighed and sat down on the couch beside Fraser. “Jimmy’s the reason your hurt. He’s an old friend of mine who came to visit out of the blue. He took an interest in you and wouldn’t leave you alone. After I punched him and you flat out told him to leave you alone… he moved in two doors down from you. And then we found out after the accident that he had cut the brake lines. His prints were all over the lines and the underside of my car.”

Fraser was shocked. “Oh… so, how do I know who he is?”

“You don’t need to worry about that… I’m not leaving you alone.” Ray placed a reassuring hand on Fraser’s leg. “He has to get through me first to get to you.”

Fraser looked at Ray and something registered in his head. “You punched me…”

“What? I’ve never punched you.” Ray couldn’t hide the smile. It was really coming back now. “When?” he asked Fraser.

“Before you almost drowned… we were going to put an end to our partnership and you… _you punched me, Ray_. _That’s not buddies._ ”


	14. Get out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks go to Butterflyghost! Your help was greatly appreciated on this chapter. You have me officially 'unstuck'! A million thank you's!  
> Thank you to everyone else for following the story and reviewing. I always love to hear what you think.  
> All mistakes are my own... and I'm just borrowing the guys for a little while longer. Enjoy...

Ray couldn’t tell if Fraser was being serious or not from the tone of his voice. Punching Fraser was one of the biggest regrets of Ray’s adult life. He wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to travel down that memory lane with Fraser either at the moment. However, had it not been for that punch, they may not be where they were now. Ultimately, it brought the two of them closer together. They learned they had  to trust each other. Fraser had learned to begin to trust Ray and trust their partnership. It wasn’t an easy road for either of them.

Ray smiled fondly at Fraser. “Yeah… I punched you. But I warned you I was going to, so it’s really your own fault. You’re so damn stubborn, Ben.”

Fraser frowned. ‘My fault? Isn’t that how it begins?’ He began to fidget with the throw pillow under his injured arm. “I don’t remember any details of what happened. I just remember being punched and just walking away. I don’t know if we were fighting or what happened. I just recall you being very angry with me.”

“Ben, don’t let that bother you, okay… we worked it all out and we’re good. We’re better than good.” Ray ran a soothing hand over Fraser’s leg and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“But it does bother me. It bothers me that I can’t remember anything else. If we’re so close, why would you hit me?” Fraser was more confused than ever. “Everything is just bits and pieces in my head and nothing makes any sense. I have no timeline, no order and its confusing me. Surely you can understand that.” Fraser let his frustrations out.

“I do understand, Ben.” Ray was trying to be patient with Fraser but he felt like he was chasing his tail trying to explain things. He moved to give Fraser’s thigh another squeeze and Fraser moved his leg out of reach.

“How do I know that you punching me isn’t the most recent memory I should have of you?” Fraser began to stand up and Ray stopped him with a firm hand on his arm.

“What are you talking about? You’ve got it all backwards, Ben. Me punching you is how we ended up together, in a round- about way.” It was Ray’s turn to be confused. “I would never intentionally hurt you.”

‘ _That’s what they always say._ ’ Fraser pushed Ray’s hand to the side and stood up and moved to the other side of the living room.

 Ray sat bewildered on the couch. ‘Where was this coming from?’ he asked himself.

“Come on, Fraser. You can’t be serious. What is this? Now you’re scared of me?” Ray was trying to talk his inner boxer into settling down but he was getting antsy for a fight.

“You’re a cop, Ray… I’m a cop. We both know how the cycle of abuse works.” Fraser was shaking as he spoke. ‘Am I really a victim?’

“Cycle? Cycle of _what?_ Are you unhinged? I punched you one time, Fraser… _one time!_ And now you think I’m an abuser? Are you fucking kidding me?” Ray was up off the couch and in Fraser’s face. “I swore I would never do that again in my life. It almost ruined our friendship, Fraser.”

Fraser was startled and Ray saw the fear in his eyes. He took a step back and held up his hands. “Look, I’m sorry if I startled you or whatever. I’m not entirely sure where all of this is coming from or going but you’re obviously freaked out about something.” Ray let out a sigh. “And I don’t know what that is… I’m sorry. Is it something in your past that has you all freaked out… or something else about me that you remember? Talk to me, Ben.” Ray was trying to remain calm.

“There was a case not too long after I became a Mountie.” Fraser looked lost as he was remembering the past.

“Good… a past case, so, not really about me?” Ray was still trying to figure out Fraser’s sudden switch in his comfort level with Ray.

“A young woman came to us for help. She accused her husband of abusing her. We of course went out to investigate, brought him in for questioning. He convinced her not to press any charges and we had to let him go. He swore to her that it would never happen again. I tried to convince her otherwise. Unless he received some form of counseling himself, he would continue the cycle of abuse. She went home with him anyways… told me that she trusted him. A week later, I went to check on her and found her beaten to death in her own home. We never found the husband. If she would have just listened to me, she would still be alive. Now, I need to take my own advice.” Fraser explained to Ray. He was so confused with all of his conflicting memories of Ray; he no longer knew what to believe in or what to trust. “I’m sorry…”

“What the hell, Fraser… I’ve never abused you. You can’t compare me to some memory of a dead girl that refused your help.” Ray was angry and knew that it wasn’t helping his case any but he couldn’t put a lid on it either.

“What about your ex? You were married before, right?” Fraser had hit a nerve mentioning Stella.

“She’s my ex because we agreed not to be married anymore, not because I abused her. How dare you even think that, Fraser? Listen, I get that you’re confused and all and that memories aren’t falling into the correct places or the correct sequences, for that matter. But, I would never hurt you and I’m trying to be patient and understanding but you’re talking a whole lot of stuff that isn’t making any sense and isn’t true.” Ray was hurt that Fraser would think such things of him. He had to figure out a way to make the Mountie see things clearly.

“Weren’t you following her? Shortly after we first met, you were following her around.” Fraser threw another half memory in Ray’s face.

“Ben, come on… you can’t be serious.” Ray was dumbfounded at the accusations coming out of Fraser’s mouth. The man he loved was now afraid of him.

“How do I know that the car accident was actually an accident? What if I was trying to get away from you and you made it so I couldn’t?” Fraser accused.

“Ben, would you listen to yourself? None of that makes any sense. I already told you, Jimmy cut the brake lines on my car. You know what… forget it. You obviously are confused. I’m not going to argue about this with you anymore.” Ray took a step towards Fraser and stopped when he noticed the Mountie was trembling.

Fraser took a shaky step backwards. “I think I need some space, Ray. Just until I can sort things out and put them into some form of order that makes sense to me. I want you to go, please, just for now.”

“ _Unfucking_ _real…”_ Ray let out a curse. “Fine, have it your way. I’ll be at the station when you get your brain straightened out.” Ray scribbled his phone number at the station and his cell number on a piece of paper and tossed it onto the kitchen counter. “That’s for when you remember who I really am; you can call me to come back.” He could no longer hide his rising anger with the turn of events from the morning.

Diefenbaker took one look at Fraser and barked sharply at him and followed Ray to the door.

“Have it your way, at least it will be quiet and I won’t have to listen to you beg for doughnuts.” Fraser called after the deaf- wolf.

Ray left with Dief and slammed the door behind him. Fraser went over to the couch he couldn’t remember buying and sat down. Did he really accuse ray of abusing him? He was sure he loved him, but why were all the thoughts of abuse popping into his head? Fraser’s head hurt and he contemplated taking a pain pill and lying down.

He rubbed the back of his head and stopped when his fingers came across what felt like stiches. ‘What is that from?’ he wondered. He vaguely recalled Ray saying… no screaming at him ‘Why don’t you ever listen to me?’ Perhaps his accusations where correct and Ray was an abuser. Something about that thought wasn’t sitting well with Fraser, but it was hard to ignore evidence. His thoughts were so mixed up in his head. He needed to see some different scenery. He had been confined to this apartment for the last several days, maybe if he got out, something else would look familiar. He told himself he wouldn’t go too far… didn’t need to get himself lost after all. He was unfamiliar with the area and getting lost would only add to his problems.

Fraser picked up his keys to his apartment and looked them over. He went over to his door and tried the different keys on the ring until he found the one that worked his lock. Glancing back towards the counter he saw Ray’s numbers scribbled down for him for when he came to his senses. He picked up the piece of paper and folded it and tucked it into his pocket. Maybe going out into the fresh air would help him get his memory back. Fighting with Ray wasn’t a comforting feeling and he felt bad about the accusations he placed on his friend. Fraser was determined to remember something positive.

 

Fraser walked towards what looked like a small park. He knew from the past, before Chicago, that he and Diefenbaker liked to hike through the woods. Maybe this park was their substitute for nature. It was close enough to the apartment for early morning runs before work. Fraser missed Diefenbaker’s presense and wished he would have chosen to stay rather than follow Ray. He could really use a friend right now, one he could remember.

Fraser sat down gingerly on a nearby park bench and winced. He should have taken that pain pill after all. He was hurting and every move he made, his body was protesting. His mind wandered back to Ray. ‘Why can’t I remember?’ Fraser remained on the bench and let his tired body rest as he stared out over the expanse of the park.

 

Ray made it to the station in record time. He was angry and his actions showed it. Every door was slammed shut as he went through it. ‘How dare Fraser accuse him of such a horrible thing as abuse?’ He was going to ring the Mounties neck when he finally remembered everything. He tossed a second doughnut out of spite in Dief’s direction. “What’s the matter with him Dief? God… he’s so stubborn.” Ray was frustrated and had no outlet for his energy. Ray smiled at Dief.  “At least you’re still thinking sensibly… you did come with me after all.” Ray frowned. “Shit… I left him alone. Stupid move, Kowalski…” Ray kicked his desk.

Francesca had just arrived and noticed Ray’s tantrum. “What did your desk do today, Ray… swallow a report you needed?” She laughed at her attempt at a joke. It dawned on her that Fraser was nowhere around. “Hey, where’s Fraser?”

Ray sat down on the edge of his desk and ran his hands through his blond spikes. “We had a fight this morning.”

“A fight? Over what… why you shouldn’t feed Dief doughnuts?” Frannie asked bewildered.

“No… he remembered me punching him that one time before the ‘Henry whatever’ ship thing. He thinks he’s in an abusive relationship with me and that he was trying to get away from me when he was in the accident.” Ray tried to explain the morning’s events to Frannie.

“Seriously… that doesn’t sound like Fraser at all.” Francesca was shocked.

“Well, Ben doesn’t know up from down right now. His marbles are all jumbled up and he isn’t thinking straight. He told me about a case he worked on where a young girl was abused but went back to her husband and he eventually killed her. Frannie, he’s scared of me.” Ray kicked his desk again out of frustration.

“Well, I can see you’ve got your temper in check.” She added dryly. “Kicking your desk isn’t making it any better, Ray. Maybe he just needs some space. You’re really the only one he’s seen since he woke up. Give him a little space to clear his head. I’m sure it’s very frustrating for him as well not to be able to remember things and who knows what order he is remembering. It makes sense for him to think you could be abusing him. We all know that isn’t true Ray and Fraser will figure that out once his memory does come back. Be patient with him.” Francesca squeezed Ray’s arm.

“ _Be patient_ … that’s what he told me too. But then he started in on these accusations. God, things were going so well. Now, he doesn’t want me near him.” Ray was pulling at his blonde spikes again.

“Ray…” Frannie placed a reassuring hand on Ray’s arm. “Let him have today to think, ok. He’s only going to resent you if you are constantly in his face. He needs room to breathe and think. Don’t give him a reason to pull further away. If it’s space he needs, you have to give it to him.”

“Okay… he gets today to sort out his head. But first thing tomorrow, I’m on his doorstep knocking and he better let me in.” Ray got himself a cup of coffee and attempted to work on his paperwork he had been promising Welsh before Fraser’s accident. His thoughts kept drifting back to Fraser and everything they had overcome as partners. Was he going to end up loosing Fraser to memory loss? He promised himself he would give Fraser the rest of the day to get things straight in his head. Tomorrow morning couldn’t come soon enough. He still had Diefenbaker and wondered if he should return him this evening or simply take Dief home with him. Dropping Dief off after work would at least give him a chance to check on Fraser. Ray quickened his pace with his paperwork. He wanted to leave early today.

 

Fraser was caught up in admiring the beauty of the park when a man sat down on the bench beside him. Fraser smiled and acknowledged him with a quick ‘Hello’ before returning his gaze back towards the park.

The man stared at Fraser momentarily before speaking. “You don’t remember me?”

Fraser quickly turned his head and cringed as his arm protested. He studied the man’s face. Something was familiar about him, but he wasn’t sure he could recall him from a particular memory. “I’m sorry, no, I don’t.”

“Oh, god… he tried to hurt you didn’t he?” the man asked as he catalogued Fraser’s injuries.

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Fraser asked unsure. “Do, I know you?”

The man held out his hand. “I’m Ray…you’re partner. I’ve been waiting to get a chance to speak to  you. I heard that you had been in an accident and when I went to the hospital to see you, nobody would let me in. They said someone else by the name of Ray was already in with you. I didn’t have my wallet on me to show them my ID, so they forced me to leave. That other guy never left your side so I couldn’t see you, but then I saw that he left this morning and I followed you to the park.”

Fraser studied the man’s face and looked at the offered hand. He did look familiar, about as familiar as the other man claiming to be Ray. Fraser felt ill. He was really confused. He was hoping a trip to the nearby park will help jog his memory, but with the arrival of this strange man claiming to be Ray, he was more confused than ever.

“If you’re Ray… who is the other man?” Fraser asked confused. The two men did resemble each other.

“That’s my old pal Jimmy. He’s bad news, Benton.” The man explained. “You don’t remember me? Everything we’ve been through? You have to remember something.”

“I’m sorry. My memories the last few days are all a jumbled up mess. Everyone told me he was Ray. I had no reason to doubt them.” Fraser explained to the man.

“Everyone as in the doctors, you mean. They are easily fooled. Just flash an ID in their faces and they will let anyone into a hospital room. Once I got there, they wouldn’t let me in. I had to wait for him to leave you alone to be able to get close enough to talk to you. We have to get you away from him Benton… he’s trouble,” the man explained as he surveyed the park. “Come back to my apartment with me, you will be safe there.”

“How do I know I can trust you?” Fraser was unsure of himself. He didn’t know if he could trust this man or not. Maybe he did have Jimmy and Ray switched.

“My apartment… you remember the chili pepper lights or the turtle tank?” the man asked.

Fraser shook his head ‘No’. None of that rang any bells.

“Okay, look.” The man held up a key ring and something about the keys registered with Fraser. “Come with me and I will prove that I am Ray.” The man held out his hand and Fraser hesitantly took it into his. Something about it was strange but familiar. He followed the man claiming to be Ray to a parked car. He slowly got in and the two made their way to Ray’s apartment.

Jimmy let out a wicked laugh when he closed the door to Fraser’s side of the car. This had been too easy. He was expecting the Mountie to put up a fight when he sat down next to him on the park bench and was taken by surprise when Fraser admitted to having amnesia. Jimmy thought quickly and set a plan into motion. Pretend to be Ray and get what he wanted all along since he met Benton Fraser, the man himself. He climbed in the driver’s seat and drove to Ray’s apartment.

 

Jimmy helped Fraser out of the car and up the stairs to the apartment. He unlocked the door with the familiar key he had used during his stay with Ray. Sure he had given the key back to Fraser the night Ray had punched him, but by that time, he had already made a copy. He pushed the door open with his foot and ushered Fraser in. He knew through the tracking device he had put on Ray’s rental car that Ray had not come home yet and had gone to the station instead. Jimmy had plenty of time.

Fraser was looking around and noticed the chili pepper lights above the breakfast bar. He cocked his head to the side as if a memory was making itself known. ‘Nothing’.  He walked over to the couch and ran his hand over the back of it. Ray’s furious kisses quickly entered and then left his thoughts.

He walked to the other side of the couch and sat down. Jimmy sat close to him but gave him a bit of space. “Does anything look familiar?” he asked.

Fraser shook his head no. Something about the couch, but Fraser couldn’t pin that memory down. “I’m sorry, no. Not yet.”

Jimmy placed a hand on Fraser’s thigh and squeezed. “It’s okay, Benton. Do you remember anything else about me?”

Fraser looked into Jimmy’s blue eyes. “No… nothing. I’m really trying, but nothing about you is registering.”

“It’s alright Benton… he got to you first and messed with your head pretending to be me. It makes sense that you’re confused. But you’re safe now. He can’t hurt you.” Jimmy tried to reassure Fraser and scooted closer on the couch. “Can I get you something to drink? You look like you could use some rest as well.”

“Some tea would be nice, thank you kindly.” Jimmy got up off the couch and snickered at Fraser’s politeness. He went to the kitchen to prepare Fraser’s tea. He turned around and saw Fraser staring at him through the opening for the breakfast bar. “What is it, Benton?”

Fraser’s stare traveled through Jimmy and into the past. It landed on a conversation about breakfast with Ray. Fraser struggled to remember the details. He remembered sitting on a stool on the opposite side of the counter from Ray.

‘I dunno about you Fraser, but an American breakfast does not look or taste like wallpaper paste.’

‘That’s oatmeal, Ray. It is a staple in the Yukon.’

‘It is not. That’s an international plot between Canada and Scotland. That,’ Ray pointed to the oatmeal, ‘Is snot. Face it, Ben, breakfast needs bacon and it needs eggs. So, sit down and eat my American breakfast.’

Fraser smiled fondly at the memory and tried not to laugh. When Ray had kissed him later that morning, he tasted of bacon and eggs.

Fraser locked eyes with Jimmy. “I think… I think I remember you. You made me breakfast… bacon and eggs.”

Jimmy grinned triumphantly. “You remembered, Benton! That’s great.” Jimmy went to the other side of the counter and kissed Fraser.

The kiss was rough; nothing like the other Ray’s kiss and Fraser was confused again. He took a step back breaking Jimmy’s kiss. “I’m sorry… I’m not ready for that yet.” Fraser confessed.

Jimmy was hurt at Fraser’s refusal. He took a step back and returned to Fraser’s tea in the kitchen. With his back to Fraser he slipped a small white capsule into the steaming tea and gave it a quick swirl with a spoon. “Maybe this will help loosen you up.” Jimmy handed the steaming cup to Fraser and followed him to the couch. “That guy must have really messed with your thinking.”

Fraser sipped the tea and noted the bitter taste it left on his tongue. “Tell me more about us, Ray.” Fraser yawned. “I’m sorry, Ray. I appear to be a little tired.”

Jimmy grinned slyly. It was working. Fraser would be out like a light in no time. The shrill ring of the telephone made both Jimmy and Fraser jump. Jimmy made no move to answer it and Fraser found that to be odd. ‘Why wouldn’t you answer your own phone?’

After the third ring, the machine answered. “Stanley honey, this is mom. You never called me back.” Barbara Kowalski’s cheerful voice entered the apartment.

Fraser sat up straighter and stared at the phone. This woman’s voice was familiar. He shut his eyes and an image of him and Ray kissing on the very couch he was now sitting on came forward. Ray had continued to kiss him as his mother explained her reason for calling. Fraser ran a finger across his lips and opened his eyes. The kisses were different. The one he received moments ago and the one he remembered from the night on the couch, they were not from the same man. Fraser stared at Jimmy while Barbara Kowalski continued on her one sided conversation.

“I know you’re probably busy with work. I was wondering how your visit with Jimmy went. Give me call, honey and I want to hear about this Ben you keep talking about. Love you, dear.”

The line went dead and Fraser continued to stare at Jimmy. Something was off about him. He remembered earlier this morning when he had asked Ray to leave and Diefenbaker followed him out. Dief wouldn’t leave with that man if he didn’t already know him. Fraser remembered the numbers Ray had written down that he had placed in his pocket on the way out of his apartment.  Fraser stood up and wobbled slightly. He caught himself with the help of the arm of the couch. He reached into his pocket to pull out the numbers.

Jimmy stood up and took Fraser by the arm. “Benton… sit down before you fall over.”

“I think I need to get back to my place to lie down. I also need to check on Diefenbaker.” Fraser wobbled again. ‘The tea… he must have put something in my tea.’ Fraser thought to himself as he wobbled again. He tried to grab for the phone but Jimmy easily out muscled him and sat him down forcefully onto the couch. Fraser let out painful cry.

Jimmy snatched the numbers out of Fraser’s hand and looked at them. He jerked Fraser to his feet and walked him backwards towards Ray’s bedroom. He had a forceful hold of Fraser’s good arm as he pushed him through the bedroom door and onto the bed. He snatched Ray’s wireless phone off the nightstand and dialed Ray’s cell number.

Memories were beginning to fall into place in Fraser’s head; the phone call from Ray’s mom when they were making out on the couch and the mention of the arrival of Ray’s old friend Jimmy. Fraser was beginning to remember. Panic set in as he realized the man he forced out of his apartment this morning was indeed the real Ray. The events leading up to the beginning of their relationship were also making themselves clear. He remembered their first night together as Ray backed him into his bedroom with a simple, _‘I’m through being just buddies, Fraser._ ’ ‘God, I’m such a fool,’ Fraser thought as he fought to remain conscious. What was Jimmy planning? The use of Fraser’s full first name was what triggered Fraser’s memory. He didn’t recall Ray ever calling him ‘Benton’ and the only person he could remember calling him that was Jimmy.

Fraser was pushed down onto the bed as Jimmy tried to kiss him again. Jimmy crawled on top of Fraser and straddled his hips. With the unknown drug in his system and the injuries to his body, Fraser was unable to fight off Jimmy’s advances. His kiss was forceful and his hands were rough over Fraser’s body. Fraser knew that Ray’s kisses were soft and sensual and his slender fingers were soft to the touch, not calloused and rough like Jimmy’s. Jimmy ran his hands underneath Fraser’s shirt and up his bruised chest. Fraser held his breath as Jimmy’s lips continued their assault. He slid his hand down Fraser’s chest and stopped when his rough hands covered Fraser’s groin. 

“No…” Fraser managed to choke out before Jimmy silenced him with a stinging slap to his already bruised cheek.

“I told you, I always get what I want.” Jimmy whispered into Fraser’s ear. He picked up the discarded phone from the bed and dialed Ray’s cell number. Jimmy laughed when he heard the panic already in Ray’s voice when he answered.

Ray recognized the number immediately as his home number and the only person that would be calling him from there was Fraser. But how did he get there? Maybe Fraser was remembering new stuff and was calling Ray to tell him.

“Fraser…” Ray began but was cut off by a wicked laugh. Ray knew that laugh… Fraser was in trouble.

“Ray, Ray, Ray… don’t you know that I always get what I want?” Jimmy sneered into the phone. “And what I want… _is for you to have to watch as I fuck your boyfriend_.” Jimmy clicked the phone off and dropped it to the floor. He returned his attention to Fraser. "We're getting company... better get comfy."

 

 


	15. Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter to this journey shared between Fraser/Ray K and between me and all of you who have been following. I thank you for sticking with me and for all of the positive and wonderful feedback. A special thanks to Vic 32 for cheerleading the whole way and a super special thank you to butterflyghost for your wonderful beta help on this last chapter. I hope you are pleased with the outcome. Enjoy and as always… feel free to leave me your comments. Thank you everyone!

Fraser’s breath caught in his throat as Jimmy assaulted his lips once again. Whatever drug had been slipped into his tea, combined with his physical injuries, left him with no energy to fight back. His breathing was quick and ragged and he could feel his heart pounding in his chest. His grip on consciousness was slipping quickly and he prayed to anyone that would listen that Ray would get to him before Jimmy could further assault his body. Gathering the last of his remaining strength, he raised his right knee forcefully, aiming at Jimmy’s groin. Jimmy twisted and Fraser missed, striking only his inner thigh. It was enough to knock his attacker off balance but not enough to dislodge him from Fraser’s waist.

Jimmy delivered another stinging slap to Fraser’s already bruised cheek. Fraser let out a startled cry and could taste the blood forming on his split lip. “Why are you doing this?” he managed to say in a strangled voice. “You don’t even know me…” Fraser grimaced as Jimmy pressed a firm hand into his injured arm.

“Oh, I know enough about you Benton Fraser. I know that you have the good looks that anybody would want, man or woman and you’re quite the catch. You care more about your friend’s well-being than your own and that’s why you aren’t going to put up a fight once Ray gets here.” Jimmy leaned over and whispered in Fraser’s ear. “When I’m through beating him to within an inch of his life, then I’m going to drag his sorry ass in here and make him watch as I take you from him. And you’re not going to put up a fight because you know _… I will kill him if you do_. Besides… that little ‘ _treat’_ I slipped into your tea… you’re just going to lay there and take it.” Jimmy slid his finger up Fraser’s side. “Ray always got the best of everything… well, now I’m taking the best from him. You’re even better than Stella.”

 Jimmy delivered another bruising kiss to Fraser’s lips and bit his lower lip before letting go, drawing more blood to the already abused surface. “Imagine my shock when I found out that you had been driving Ray’s car and not him. What a strange turn of events this has been. That mechanics job he told me about was perfect. I didn’t get the exact results I wanted, but…” Jimmy ran his finger across Fraser’s lips, “this will do as well.”  

Fraser felt Jimmy’s finger trailing along his collar bone, and down his chest, stopping at the button to his jeans. The man toyed with the button while kissing Fraser’s collarbone.

Panic was rising in Fraser and he knew full well he was defenseless against Jimmy. His good arm was pinned to the bed with the weight of Jimmy’s knees and he hadn’t been able to move his broken arm a fraction of an inch since the accident. Fraser knew he was in trouble if help didn’t arrive soon.

Jimmy stopped playing with the button on Fraser’s jeans and Fraser felt himself relax for a split second until he felt Jimmy’s fingers pop the button loose. “ _Please… no,_ ” he begged. Fraser was fading quickly with the combined drugs and the intense pain of having Jimmy sitting on his cracked ribs. He couldn’t breathe and the darkness was closing in.

Jimmy removed his hand from Fraser’s zipper and ran his rough fingers over Fraser’s bloody lip. “You’re right… let’s wait until Ray gets here. I want you conscious for the party.” Jimmy slid off Fraser’s waist and off the bed.  He left the bedroom and went into the kitchen and Fraser could hear the refrigerator door opening and a beer bottle being popped open. Fraser breathed a sigh of relief and was grateful at least one of his faculties was unimpaired.  The cap hit the floor and bounced until it came to a stop against the wall. At least Jimmy was off of him and out of the room. Maybe, he would be able to muster up enough strength to fight back when he returned.

 

Ray slammed his cell phone down on his desk. The back of the phone popped off and bounced across the desk and fell to the floor. Francesca had just dropped a file in Ray’s inbox and leaned over to retrieve the cell phone back.

“You might need this.” Francesca held the piece out to Ray. “What’s wrong?” she asked when she noticed Ray’s intense anger.

“ _That fucking asshole has Fraser!”_ Ray shoved past Francesca and barged into Lieutenant Welsh’s office.

Frannie quickly reassembled the cell phone and followed Ray. Fraser was in trouble.

Welsh was in no mood to be bothered by the detective. He had his hands full with several accidents occurring across town involving ‘L’ trains that had overturned. There were multiple casualties and injuries and his police force was stretched thin trying to help with victims, traffic flow and the beginning of an investigation. He had no time for Detective Vecchio and his anger at the moment, unless he wanted to offer up his services and help out as well.

“We got a huge problem Lieu…” Ray started in but was cut off by Welsh.

“Detective… I don’t have time for _your_ problems. What are you doing here anyway? Aren’t you supposed to be on some type of leave, taking care of the Constable? I have a city that is in disorder at the moment. So, unless you want to offer up _your_ services… _get out_.”

Ray looked out the window of Welsh’s office and realized the squad room was fairly empty. ‘What _was_ going on?’ he wondered, he didn’t really care… he had his own problem.

“Jimmy Akers has Fraser.” Ray blurted out. “I have to get him back. Don’t try and talk me out of going either, because I will hand in my badge right now.” Ray had his badge off his hip and on Welsh’s desk in a flash.

Welsh sighed, picked up the discarded badge and tossed it back to Ray. “Where is he?”

“My apartment.” Ray explained.

“And you’re certain of this how?” Welsh asked with a hint of uncertainty.

“He just called my cell from my apartment and told me he had Fraser. I have to go… I have to go _now_. I don’t know what he’s capable of… I don’t want to know. I just need to go, back up or not… _I’m going_.” Ray turned to leave and stopped when Welsh called his name.

“Detective… I will find some officers to back you up, but I can’t tell you when they will be there. Okay… and Ray, use your head. Don’t go running in there half- cocked. Keep your head on straight. This guy is no boy scout.”

“Yeah… he got kicked out of the boy scouts.” Ray replied dryly.

“Ray, is there anything I can do to help?” Frannie asked as she handed him his cell phone.

“Thanks, Frannie,” Ray said gratefully. If he wasn’t careful, she would want to come with him and save Fraser herself… probably get her head kicked in, in the process. “Can you keep Dief here?”

“Sure, thing… please be careful.” Frannie gave him a reassuring smile as he darted out of the office to rescue Fraser.

 

The drive to his apartment building was full of detours because of the accident and Ray didn’t think he was ever going to make it. ‘Hang on, Ben’ he kept thinking. He sped up as he darted down side streets. He tried not to imagine how Fraser must be feeling now. Had he remembered anything about Ray, about how they _were together_? Did he still think Ray was an abuser? ‘God… what if he’s still scared of me?’ Ray thought. The image of Fraser scared of _him_ … it broke his heart. Even worse- what was Jimmy doing now? ‘Don’t think about that, Kowalski…’

During the drive, Ray thought of the best way to surprise Jimmy. The bastard knew he was coming, but did he expect him to just come waltzing in through the front door? Ray didn’t want to startle him either, he didn’t need to get Fraser killed. The fire escape… _yes_ … that was his ticket in. Ray remembered unlocking it for Diefenbaker a few weeks back and was praying that Fraser never re-locked the damn thing. Ray neared his apartment building and parked in the rear where he could easily access the fire escape. He put his phone on vibrate and checked the clip to his gun. He was good to go.

 Ray took a calming breath and began to rapidly climb the rickety steps to his apartment. He was worried the thing would fall apart on him. The creaks and clanking were not very reassuring and didn’t calm Ray’s already frazzled nerves. He slowed his steps, fearful Jimmy would hear all the clanging noises the rusted steps where making with each of his movements. He reached the window of his apartment and told himself not to kill the bastard the second he laid eyes on him.

 He glanced in the window, looking for signs of movement. He could only see shadows through the sheer drapes and watched as Jimmy left the kitchen and went into the bathroom. He never closed the door but it gave Ray enough cover to slide the window up… ‘Thank- you kindly, Fraser, for not locking it’… and he quietly slipped into the apartment. He noticed an empty beer bottle on the breakfast bar and a newly opened one beside it. ‘ _Great_ … the bastard had been drinking.’

Ray glanced around and saw no signs of Fraser and panic set in again. What if Jimmy had already…? ‘No’… he told himself, ‘don’t go there.’ He slipped behind the thicker drapes when he heard the toilet flush and peered out enough to follow Jimmy’s retreat into his bedroom. He heard the stinging slap and the cry that followed. ‘I’m gonna kill the bastard for hurting Fraser.’

“What’s taking him so long, huh?” Jimmy asked Fraser as he delivered another slap to the face.

Fraser had been losing the fight to remain conscious, but the stinging slaps kept bringing him back to reality. Jimmy had said he wanted him conscious ‘ _for the party’_. He tried to say something, but didn’t know what and even then, he couldn’t find the strength to form a coherent sentence. Jimmy pushed off the bed and Fraser groaned as his pain came rushing back. Jimmy left the bedroom and went to retrieve his beer from the kitchen. He took a long swallow with his back to the living room.

“You aren’t so smart, _are you_?” Ray asked with his gun raised and pointed at Jimmy’s back. “ _Turn around asshole!”_

Startled, Jimmy dropped his bottle to the floor, sending beer and glass shards scattering across the tiled floor. He slowly turned around and faced a very angry Ray Kowalski.

“Ray… old buddy, old pal. What the hell took you so long?” Jimmy asked with a smirk. “Benton and I have been waiting for you.”

“I’m not your buddy and I’m certainly not your pal and you better _not_ have laid a hand on him.” Ray replied, anger filling his voice.

“I don’t think it’s the hands you need to worry about, Ray.” Jimmy responded smugly taking a step forward.

Ray unclicked the safety on his gun. “Don’t give me a reason to kill you.” Jimmy stopped and the wicked smirk returned to his face.

“You going to shoot me, Ray? An unarmed man. Come on… we were friends, _weren’t we_?” Jimmy stared hard at Ray, trying to read his next move.

 

Fraser shook his head trying to clear away the cobwebs caused by the drug he ingested with his tea. Did he just hear Ray’s voice? He turned his head the best he could and saw Ray pointing his gun, he assumed towards Jimmy. From his vantage point on the bed, he could only see Ray. Fraser sighed with relief. Ray had come to rescue him.

He heard the two men exchanging words but couldn’t clearly make out what was being said. He tried sitting up but had no strength to move his limbs. His arms and legs were not responding to his inner command to move. Fraser saw something sail through the air towards Ray. The glass dish Ray kept his keys in on the breakfast bar, Jimmy must have thrown it, trying to catch Ray off guard. He heard the dish shatter upon impact with a hard surface and Ray let out a startled curse.

 It must have worked, because two seconds later Jimmy was bursting through the bedroom door.  He made it to within two feet of the bed and Fraser’s terror was back in full force. He knew he couldn’t defend himself against Jimmy in his current state. He saw the hunger in Jimmy’s eyes and his heart was pounding. _Where was Ray?_

Out of the corner of his eye, Fraser saw Ray lunge for Jimmy, effectively knocking Jimmy away from Fraser and onto the floor. Ray picked Jimmy up by the shirt and slammed him into the bedroom wall. He slid down smooth surface into a heap on the floor. Ray turned his attention towards Fraser on the bed.

“Ben, are you okay?” Ray frantically scanned Fraser’s body to take in any injuries he may have sustained at the hands of Jimmy.  He’d heard the bastard hitting him, and Fraser’s lip was bleeding out… but- ‘oh thank God.’ Jimmy hadn’t molested him. ‘He’s still got all his clothes on.’

 Fraser’s eyes grew wide when he saw Jimmy stand up behind Ray. He never got a chance to warn Ray as Jimmy struck him from behind. Ray fell forward onto Fraser and Jimmy pulled him off and punched him in the stomach, doubling him over. He lifted a knee into Ray’s face and sent him reeling backwards into the hall leading to the living room.

Jimmy followed Ray into the hall, shaking the pain out of his fist. Ray lay on the floor dazed. He brought his hand up to his nose and it came away covered in blood. He saw Jimmy standing over him and he delivered a swift kick into the man’s groin. It bought Ray enough time to scoot back and get to his feet. He took up his boxer’s stance and delivered a solid punch to Jimmy’s face. He turned and put himself between Fraser and Jimmy and continued his assault on the asshole, who had hurt his lover. He kept moving forward, backing his enemy further into the living room.

Fraser had lost track of both men. He caught brief glances as they exchanged blows. He knew Ray had his gun. He saw it when Ray first entered the apartment, but he didn’t have it in the bedroom just a few moments ago. Had he lost it when Jimmy threw the dish at him? Fraser heard the sound of broken glass and Ray cursing. He fought against his body to try and get up and help Ray but it was useless.

Fraser heard Ray and Jimmy exchanging punches. Both men were cursing as they traded blows. Lamps and potted plants were sent crashing into the floor, breaking as the men assaulted each other. Both men’s faces were covered in blood and Fraser cringed at the injuries they were sustaining at the hands of each other. Suddenly, the thumping and the banging had stopped. Fraser lost sight of both men.

The only thing Fraser could hear was his heart beating loudly in his chest. He strained his head further and could see Ray standing with his arm stretched in front of him. He was holding his gun.

“ _Give me a reason_ … one good reason why I shouldn’t _just kill you_.” Ray was trembling as he spoke.

Jimmy shifted into Fraser’s sight and Fraser wished he could read Ray’s mind, wished he knew what he was thinking. He was fearful of what would happen if Ray shot Jimmy. Sure, it would have been in self- defense if they were still fighting, but they weren’t. Ray would have no defense against a charge of shooting Jimmy in cold blood and IA would eat him alive.

“Ray…” It came out in a muffled whisper at best. Fraser tried again. “ _Ray... please…don’t.”_ Fraser managed to croak out.

Not taking his eyes or gun off Jimmy, Ray acknowledged Fraser’s plea. “You’re right _… he’s not worth it, Ben.”_

Ray heard movement outside both the door and the fire escape and breathed a sigh of relief… back up had finally arrived. The officers made their way into the apartment and cuffed Jimmy and read him his rights. Ray immediately retreated to his bedroom and leaned over Fraser.

“Ben… open your eyes. Come on buddy, you’re safe now… I’m here.” Ray was begging Fraser to cooperate.

Fraser’s eyes fluttered open slowly and focused on Ray’s face as he leaned over him. He noted the cuts and bruises and the blood… so much blood and his heart ached for him. He tried to tell Ray that he was okay, that Jimmy hadn’t hurt him but all he managed was “ _Ray…”_ before the darkness pulled him under.

Ray was terrified when he couldn’t get Fraser to wake up. ‘Had Jimmy drugged him?’ He shook Fraser’s shoulders frantically. “Ben…   _Ben… come on. You’re scaring me…you gotta wake up, buddy_.” Getting no response, he ran out into the living room and ordered someone to call for an ambulance.

 

Ray paced the length of the emergency room. Wasn’t it just a matter of a few days ago that he had been doing the exact same thing? He was worried about Fraser. He hadn’t regained consciousness between the apartment and the ER. Jimmy was no help in providing any answers either. So, Ray paced and waited on the doctors. He caught sight of Inspector Thatcher and bit back a curse. He didn’t want to have to deal with her right now.

Thatcher stopped at the nurses’ station and was directed to the waiting room Ray was currently pacing.

“What are you doing here Detective? Don’t you think you have caused enough harm to _my_ Constable?” She noted his injuries and wrinkled her nose. “And for God’s sake, get yourself cleaned up.”

Ray looked down his body and noticed the blood covering his clothing for the first time. He ran his eyes over his knuckles and noticed the cuts and abrasions on them. The woman had a point but he wasn’t about to leave and let the Ice Queen get to see Fraser first. No… he was just fine, thank you. He resumed his pacing.

“You do realize, don’t you, that he is leaving with me once they discharge him? He is expected in Canada by week’s end and he will be there. He can heal once he gets settled into his new posting.” Inspector Thatcher sat down on a hard plastic chair and smoothed out her jacket.

Ray had had it with her prissy attitude and was ready to knock her off her high horse. He stood in front of her and folded his arms.

 Thatcher glanced up at the blond detective hovering over her. “Do you mind?”

“As a matter of fact _, I do mind_. I mind that you come parading in here acting like you give a damn about Fraser and I mind that you think he is going to be following you back to Canada. Have you ever once asked him what _he wants_?” Ray demanded to know.

“Constable Fraser is my responsibility and I believe it is in his best interest to be assigned to a posting in the Territories, once again.” She explained to Ray. “I don’t want word getting out that one of my constables is… _gay_.”

“Lady… the RCMP have moved on and they’re not as homophobic as you are.” Ray educated Thatcher.

“I’m not homophobic, Detective… I’m simply thinking of his career here.” She spat back.

“His _caree_ r? Are you kidding me? If you were thinking of his career, you would have sent him back the second you got your position here. What do you think your superiors will say to you harassing Fraser? Giving him all the shitty little jobs that a peon could do and not allowing him to do real police work unless he’s working with me. Huh, what do you think they will say to that?” Ray shot back, anger creeping into his voice.

Thatcher glanced around and was thankful the ER was fairly empty of other people. “Would you lower your voice, _please_?”

“The only reason you’re sending him packing after all these years is you found out he’s in a relationship with me. That’s when you put in the transfer request isn’t it? You figured you couldn’t have him to yourself anymore so, what? I couldn’t have him either?” Ray’s anger was rising.

“I have no idea what you are talking about. I have no relationship with Constable Fraser and it’s what… your word against mine with all of these accusations of yours. Who do you think my superiors are going to believe? One of their own or a Chicago detective who has anger issues and almost beat a man to death with his own hands? Look at yourself, Detective… you obviously cannot control yourself. Now, if you will excuse me…”

Inspector Thatcher rose to her feet but Ray didn’t budge. “You think your superiors will be happy to learn that you wanted to have him moved while he was still lying in a hospital bed after a serious car accident? You think that maybe they don’t care about his well- being? Even after what happened here today, you’re still pushing for him to be sent off to Canada. He’s not even conscious yet. Ultimately, he works for them, not you.  Don’t think I won’t pick up the phone and call them. I have plenty of people to back me up. You’re not the only one with connections, lady. Keep pushing for his transfer and I will make sure you don’t have a single person working under you anymore.”

Ray stepped back and Thatcher stood there staring, trying to decide if he was in fact bluffing. “You wouldn’t dare.” She challenged.

Ray stepped closer to Thatcher and got in her face. “ _I love him_ and don’t think for a minute that I’m not going to protect him, from scumbags like Jimmy Akers to wicked bosses like you. Withdraw his transfer or you’re really going to see my nasty side.”

Inspector Thatcher stepped away from Ray and smoothed out her jacket. She considered her options before responding. “Very well, Detective. Perhaps I was a bit hasty in my decision. I will retract his transfer but the moment his relationship with you interferes with his duties… he’s gone. You can count on that.” Thatcher pushed passed Ray and left the emergency room in a huff.

Ray congratulated himself on the victory. It was short lived. His thoughts drifted back to Fraser and what kind of condition he was in. What had Jimmy done to him? He was about to flag down the next nurse he saw, when a doctor came out of the ER doors looking for him.

“Detective Vecchio?” the doctor asked and quickly recognized Ray from the last time he was there with Fraser. “We meet again, unfortunately. Your friend is going to be fine.”

“What happened to him? He didn’t look like he had been hurt but I couldn’t get him to wake up.” Ray was beginning to tremble. He wished he would have killed Jimmy instead of beating the living snot out of him.

“He was drugged… a very strong sedative, something to knock him out and partially paralyze his extremities. It is starting to work its way out of his system and he should be much more coherent in the next few hours.” The doctor squeezed Ray’s shoulder. “You can relax, Detective… he’s going to be okay.”

“You’re sure?”  Ray questioned again.

“Yes, he’s going to be fine. His other injuries were not affected. Why don’t you have someone bring you a change of clothing while you wait for him to wake up and I will have a nurse take a look at those cuts on your hands and face?” The doctor led Ray over to an open room and called for a nurse. “When she is done, she will take you to his room.”

“Thank you.” Ray breathed a sigh of relief. Fraser was going to be okay, Jimmy was behind bars and Fraser wouldn’t have to take the transfer to Canada. Life was good again. He tried to sit patiently as the nurse bandaged his cuts but he just wanted to see Fraser. He just wanted to be able to touch him and see for himself that he was indeed okay, and then he could truly relax.

The nurse finished and handed Ray a clean doctor’s scrub top. She smiled at him and replied softly. “You don’t look like you’re willing to leave to change clothes. Slip this on and I will take you to your friend.”

Ray thanked her and pulled off his soiled shirt and exchanged it for the clean scrubs. He decided it was a good idea that he didn’t freak Fraser out with his appearance. The nurse led Ray down a short hallway and to Fraser’s door. “He’s still resting, please don’t wake him.” She squeezed his arm and walked away.

 

Ray entered Fraser’s room quietly and sat down in the all too familiar chair. Fraser appeared to be sound asleep in the bed and Ray didn’t notice any new injuries except the split and swollen lip. ‘Did Jimmy bite him on top of the slaps he had heard? Thank god he didn’t do anything worse.’ He took Fraser’s still hand in his and a tear slipped down his bruised cheek. It was finally over.

Fraser stirred and turned his head towards Ray. He opened his eyes and focused on his friend. “Ray…” his voice was barely a whisper. “I’m so sorry.” He squeezed Ray’s hand with the little strength he had regained.

“Ben… it’s not your fault. We got Jimmy okay, it’s all over.” Ray wiped his eyes and tried to reassure Fraser with a smile.

“I remember, Ray… _I remember us.”_ Fraser smiled and locked eyes with Ray. “Will you take me home?”

“Of course.” Ray stood up, leaned over the bed and kissed Fraser. Fraser pulled him closer with his good hand wrapped around the back of Ray’s neck. “I love you, Ben,” Ray whispered.

“And I you,” Fraser replied.

Oh, God, thank God, Ray thought. Fraser sealed his words with a kiss.

 

Ray worked the key into the lock of Fraser’s apartment door and kicked it open with his foot. He entered and Fraser followed slowly. Ray closed the door behind him and set the bags of groceries on the countertop in the kitchen. Fraser walked over to the couch and ran his hand along the back of it before turning to face Ray. “I’m sorry for the accusations I placed on you, Ray,” Fraser said, looking ashamed. “I was confused and hurting and…” his voice trailed off. “Not a whole lot of stuff was making sense to me.”

Ray stopped putting the groceries away. ‘Poor Ben,’ he thought. ‘It wasn’t his fault… none of it.’  He walked over to Fraser and stood in front of him. “Ben… it’s okay. You didn’t know and you had to protect yourself.”

“I didn’t do a very good job,” Fraser said, bitterly.

“You did your best…”

“Yes.” Fraser smiled. “And you were there…”

Ray gently touched his arm.

“There are still a few things that are a little fuzzy, but my relationship with you is clear. I know that your arms are home and that’s where I’m safe.” Fraser held out his hand and brushed it across Ray’s bruised cheek. “Thank you… for being patient and not giving up on me.”

Ray melted into Fraser’s touch. “God, Ben… I’ve missed you.” Ray leaned his forehead against Fraser’s. “When did it start to come back? Your memory?”

“Jimmy had convinced me that he was you and I was confused enough to buy it. After he kissed me, I knew something wasn’t right. The kiss was different than yours and his touches were rougher. I still wasn’t entirely sure, until he forced me into your bedroom…” Fraser’s voice stopped abruptly. He tried again, and chocked.

“Ben?”

“I’m alright. Sorry.” Fraser smiled, apologetically, and continued.  “Then I remembered our first night together. He called me Benton all the time.” Fraser’s eyes went thoughtful, staring off into the past. “Nobody calls me that, anymore.”

“Your mom call you that?”

“No,” Fraser smiled. “She called me Ben. My grandparents called me Benton.”

Ray smiled. He should have figured that one out.

Fraser settled on the couch and patted the cushion beside him.

“Let’s sit down, and I will tell you everything I remember.”

Ray made Fraser some tea and some coffee for himself and Fraser couldn’t help but smile as he stood up and went to the drawer where Ray kept his M&M’s stashed. He handed them over to a surprised Ray. “I told you _, I remember_.” Ray took the candy and dumped it into his coffee and gave Fraser a lingering kiss.

Finally, they drew back from the kiss. Fraser was smiling and stroked Ray’s cheek, then sighed and walked back to the couch.

Ray sat beside him. He put his coffee down and held Fraser’s hand. He wasn’t looking forward to this, but Fraser had to tell him what had happened.

Fraser slowly told the story of how Jimmy followed him to the park and had taken him to Ray’s apartment while convincing him he was Ray. Ray was amazed at the length Jimmy had gone to with his obsession of Fraser. He noticed Fraser had barely touched his tea. He touched Fraser’s knee to get his attention. “Hey, you okay?”

Fraser shook his head, ‘no’. “Ray,” he said miserably. “I still have to go back. I’m due to be at my posting at the end of the week.” Fraser looked up and locked his glistening steel blue eyes onto Ray’s. “But I…  _I can’t bring myself to leave you.”_

“What if I told you that you don’t have to?” Ray was grinning like the cat that ate the canary or the Chicago flatfoot that knocked the Ice Queen off her high horse.

“What are you talking about?” Fraser asked puzzled. “What happened?”

“Let’s just say that the Ice Queen came to her senses, with a little help from yours truly. You can stay as long as you want.”

“As long as you will have me…” Fraser stated with no hint of hesitation and Ray reaffirmed with a deep kiss.

 

 

**Epilogue**

Ray didn’t quite know where to look as they walked together toward Fraser’s apartment - no, hang on. _Their_ apartment. They had finally decided to move in together three weeks ago and had spent the last week making it their own. Fraser had pretended not to want the chili pepper lights in the kitchen, but he was always the first to turn them on when he went to make Ray’s coffee in the morning. Ray smiled fondly as he remembered Fraser carefully packing the lights. He only acted like he didn’t want them, but Ray knew better.

Ray couldn’t believe that Fraser’s arm was finally out of its sling. The doctor had told them everything was okay, but he couldn’t stop thinking about it. The pins were never coming out...  
  
“Ray,” Fraser said, gently. “Don’t be so worried.”  
  
“Who says I’m worried?”  
  
“You have that look on your face.”  
  
“What look?”  
  
“That worried look.”   
  
“Oh.” Ray grinned, a little sheepishly. He’d been doing that a lot, recently, worrying. Fraser was always telling him not to worry.  
  
“I’m fine,” Fraser reassured him. “I promise I won’t break. Remember what the counselor told us? It’s not our fault. Jimmy is a sick man. We’re going to be okay, Ray. Just one day at a time.”  
  
Fraser was right, of course. He hadn’t broken. Ray reached out, and took Fraser’s hand in his. The counselor had helped them both with their personal demons concerning Jimmy and Ray knew there was some long term healing that still needed to take place, but they were in it together. He gave Fraser’s hand a gentle squeeze as they headed into the apartment.  
  
“You sure you’re okay with this?”  
  
Fraser smiled at him. “I’m more than ‘okay’ with it,” he said, “I’ve been dreaming about it for weeks.”

“Dreaming about what? Moving in together or…?” Ray asked with a crooked grin.

“What do you think, Ray?”  
  
Okay... that’s a lot to live up to... a Mountie’s dreams.  
  
Seemed that Ray’s Mountie had been having very passionate dreams and for weeks. They were no sooner in the door, when Fraser turned around, and pressed him to the wall, leaning passionately into a kiss. Ray felt his heart leap in his throat. They’d kissed, since Jimmy had been arrested, since they’d known they were safe here in Chicago, but this was the first time that Fraser had been forceful. Ray leaned into Fraser’s embrace, and pushed his hands into his hair. “Ben,” he said, and moaned. Fraser’s mouth was all over him, and...  
  
“Bedroom,” Fraser said, “now...” Then, as though he didn’t want to seem too rude, he added, “please?”  
  
Ray laughed at his lover’s ingrained politeness, and started walking backwards, as Fraser directed him to _their_ bed.  
  
“You said you needed directions,” Ray murmured into Ben’s mouth.  
  
“So I did,” Fraser replied. Ray could feel the curve of Fraser’s smile, as he dropped his head to his neck, and nuzzled his collar bone. “I have a very poor sense of direction.”  
  
“I thought you could find your way through anything without a compass.”  
  
“Ah, well. You’re my Northern Star.”  
  
Ray laughed, trying to hide his feelings. “Freak.”  
  
Fraser didn’t stop smiling, just nuzzled his head lower and lower, kissing through the fabric of Ray’s t- shirt. He shook his head, like Dief coming up out of water. “Dear Lord,” he said, “why are we still wearing clothes? Get them off!” Ray started laughing, and then tickling, and then they were pulling each other’s clothing off. There were far too many layers between them.  
  
“Is that better, Ben,” Ray said, breathlessly.   
  
“Yes,” Fraser said, and started stroking Ray, up and down his body. Ray could feel the heat of Fraser’s hands, travelling from the nape of his neck, fluttering gently down to cup his ass.   
  
“Ben,” he groaned, “You’d better not stop.”  
  
“Shush,” Fraser murmured. “I’ll only stop if you want me too.”  
  
Ray lay back, and let Fraser take charge. He needed this - to know Fraser wanted him, but also for Fraser to be the one in control, to know that he was safe. He let Fraser kiss him, all over, little feather touches. After a while, he thought those kisses were going to drive him mad - but he didn’t want to push anything. They’d done stuff since Jimmy, but this was the first time that he’d been sure Fraser was well enough to...  
  
“Oh, God!” Ray breathed out, and gasped as his hips hitched up. Fraser had started kissing him... there. That felt... _good_. He let his hands fall on Fraser’s head, and stroked the soft hair. He could still feel Fraser’s smile, against his inner thigh. “That’s good,” he moaned. Fraser lifted his head, and gazed up at him, still smiling.   
  
“If you like, I could just do this all night.”  
  
Ray growled. “Don’t you dare.”  
  
With a chuckle, Fraser wriggled up the length of Ray’s body, and smiled into his eyes. “So, what do you want to do?”  
  
“I...” Ray wanted a lot of things. He wanted Fraser in him, he wanted to be in Fraser, but... what he really wanted, _what he needed_ , was just to _feel Ben’s touch_...  
  
“You’re doing it again,” Fraser said, and put a finger between Ray’s eyebrows, right on his frown line. “Stop worrying.”  
  
“I’m not worried,” Ray said. “So long as you touch me.”

“You’ve been worrying,” Fraser corrected him gently. “You’ve been scared you’ll hurt me. You won’t hurt me. I want to know what _your fingers_ and _your hands_ feel like again, and what _your lips_ taste like.” Fraser rested his head on the pillow, next to Ray’s, and stared deep into his eyes. “I want you to kiss him away,” he said, quietly. “I want your touch on me. You mustn’t be afraid to touch me.”  
  
“Oh, Ben,” Ray said, “I’m sorry.” Fraser was right - Ray had been scared to touch him. And it was nothing Fraser had said or done. It was just Ray, being scared to hurt him. “Let me touch you, Ben. Please?”  
  
“ _Please_ ,” Fraser sighed, and rolled onto his back.  
  
Ray stared at him, the whole beautiful naked length of Ben Fraser, spread out just for him, and his mouth went dry. Ben trusted him. Even after what happened, he was able to lie back, completely open beneath Ray’s gaze, and not be afraid. Trembling, Ray dipped his head and started to kiss him. Timid at first, he started to nip and tickle, teasing the nipples into hard peaks. Fraser twisted a little beneath him, his breath growing shallow. Growing bolder, Ray moved lower down, until his head rested on Fraser’s groin. Ray loved that smell - musty, and strong, and male.  
  
Fraser opened his eyes, and gave him a disapproving look.  
  
“Don’t stop now,” he said. “I told you, I won’t break.”  
  
“You really want this, Ben?”  
  
“Yes, Ray,” Fraser said. “Good Lord, would I say it if I didn’t mean it?” With an eye roll and a chuckle, he gave Ray a little slap on the thigh, to make him shift. Then he wriggled, and opened his legs. “Seriously, how much more ready could I be?”  
  
Ray felt himself grinning. “You’re absolutely sure? You really mean it?”  
  
“Oh, for heaven’s sake...” Frustrated, Fraser hooked a hand behind Ray’s head and pulled him into a kiss. “Yes. I really, really do.” He parted his lips and allowed Ray’s tongue unguarded access.

Ray ran his long slender fingers over Fraser’s body and Fraser melted into his tender touch. Ray took his time exploring and rediscovering Fraser’s muscular body. With each loving caress shared, the two slowly merged into one and found their rhythm once again.  
  
Ray awoke from his love- making slumber. He grinned and rolled over, comfortably. He realized that he was still wrapped in Fraser’s arms. It felt so safe, so comfortable. Maybe, Ray thought, sleepily, that’s how a ship feels when it comes into a harbor...  
  
“How are you feeling, Ben?”  
  
Fraser turned his head so their lips met. They shared a loving kiss before he answered.  
  
“I’m with you,” Fraser murmured into the kiss. “I’m home.”

 

_The End_   
  
  
  
  



End file.
